Mar 022012

Blashyrkh Prototype SubZero D-Grees is a full-hybrid four-wheel drive, all-weather sports car with heater technology to warm you down to the bones in the bitter cold of the North. It has a 666-horsepower engine that is guaranteed to cause avalanches everywhere you go, but don’t worry, the car’s Kraken shell frame will protect you from even the sharpest of battleaxes.

The scintillating performance and efficiency of this highly environmentally-unfriendly vehicle, which delivers 496.636115 kW (674.818538 hp) and 1516.44615 Nm of torque yet achieves a combined animal-fat consumption rate of 6.66 litres of mountain goat lipids per 666 km and combined CO2 emissions of between 66.6 and 99.9 g/km, makes it the perfect wintry companion for the freezing journeys along lonely, desolate mountain paths.

Call (666) 999-1349 to book an appointment with a Blashyrkh representative at our mountaintop showroom and get your free trial today!

(EDITOR’S NOTE: Rev. Will wrote this report. The price of the vehicle may be your soul, so think twice before calling that number.)

11 Responses to ““THAT’S METAL!” – BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC: AN INTERLUDE”

  1. Black Shuck says:

    I hear the Mighty Ravendark has put in an order for eight of these bad boys, so he can drive one every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

  2. PhroPHROPHROPHROPHRO says:

    What the freaking hell kind of car is that anyway????

    All I see is ANGRY WHITE MAN IS ANGRY!!!

  3. Ben says:

    But if it’s a hybrid, then it’s environmentally friendly amirite?

    Now if it ran off the liquified corpses of babies and kittens, that’s some pure evil shit right there.

    • Rev. Will Bite Choo says:

      It’s a hybrid of Immortal evil-ness and Kraken shell, hence it’s environmentally unfriendly.

      Liquefied carcasses of babies and kittens are just gross. Babies and kittens are the cutest things around, even Abbath probably loves them.

  4. Maz says:

    First thought. I need that to pick up chicks. Those who are not repulsed are keepers. Second thought. What trve ass necro is rich enough to have this thing commissioned?

  5. [...] denim-wrapped rear ends. Shown above is an illustration of the ideal metal automobile to ride in, but if you can’t afford it or don’t have the luck to chance upon a metal brother driving one along the deserted highways, [...]

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