I guess you’ve figured out by now that we didn’t black out the NCS site today.  Frankly, I got confused.  I thought on-line sites were organizing a protest against sopapilla.  I’ve long been a supporter of sopapillas.

I used to eat them all the time in Tex-Mex restaurants when I lived in Texas.  They’re popular in other border states, as well as in many countries in Central and South America.  If you’ve never eaten one, you’re really missing out.  They’re kind of a fried pastry, sometimes powdered with sugar and/or cinnamon and served with honey.  They’re light, they’re crispy, they’re kind of chewy.  They’re just damned good eating.

So why, I wondered, were people up in arms over sopapillas?  Y’know, they may not be the healthiest food in the world, but shutting down places like Wikipedia and Reddit in protest seemed like an overreaction to me.  I mean, buffalo wings and pizza are crappy kinds of food and you don’t see anyone organizing internet blackouts over them.

Then I figured out that people weren’t protesting sopapillas. They were protesting SOPA and PIPA!  Turns out these are acronyms for bills that are pending in the U.S. Congress — the “Stop Online Piracy Act” in the House and the “Protect IP Act” in the Senate. They seem to be targeted at non-U.S. web sites that pirate intellectual property owned by U.S. businesses, but there are (or were) provisions in the bills that would require U.S.-based sites to make sure they aren’t linking to foreign sites that engage in piracy.

I was afraid it would come to this eventually.

Metal bands try all sorts of come-on’s in an effort to increase their Facebook “likes”. They ask politely. They plead and beg pathetically. They get their friends in other bands to solicit “likes” on their behalf. They dangle the carrot of a new song, or album art, or a track list, if their total “likes” reach a certain magic number.

These kind of inducements are too fuckin’ lame (or too tame) for Greek math-metal band Tardive Dyskinesia, who we’ve written about a lot at NCS. A few months back, they posted this status on their FB wall: “The next 38 guys who like us on facebook will win a lollipop licked from all the band members! What are you waiting for…!!” I’d already liked their page or I definitely would have gone for that. Just what I’ve always wanted.

But that was just a warm-up for a status they posted last week. I think you can guess what they offered. As “like” solicitations go, “we suck cocks for a like” was short, to-the-point, and very friendly. It was also the logical next level in “like” solicitations.

I’ve had fun watching the NCS “like” total increasing on our Facebook page. We crossed 1,000 “likes” last week, and that was definitely a good time, but it will probably take a while to reach 2,000 or even 1,500, because there’s a limited number of geniuses in the world. I’d like to get there faster. Taking inspiration from Tardive Dyskinesia, I’m now thinking about NCS offering blowjobs for “likes”.

This is Part 13 of our list of the most infectious extreme metal songs released this year. Each day until the list is finished, I’m posting two songs that made the cut. For more details about what this list is all about and how it was compiled, read the Introduction via this link. To see the selections that preceded this one, click the Category link on the right side of the page called MOST INFECTIOUS SONGS-2011.

MORBID ANGEL

Successful, immensely influential artists of long standing often find their creative freedom restricted by the shackles of their own success. What has worked in the past will likely work again, and that’s an insidious inducement to just repeat the pattern again and again. That’s the carrot, but there’s also a stick: Striking out onto a new path risks alienation of a dedicated fan base. Loyal adherents of an artist’s well-defined style may be too close-minded, too wedded to the past, to be receptive to experimentation.

Fortunately, not all successful artists fall prey to these carrot-and-stick inducements to stand pat. Some are brave enough and creative enough to throw off the shackles of their own success and strike out in brilliant new directions, to boldly go where others are too timid to tread. So it was with Morbid Angel’s 2011 album, Illud Divinum Insanus, which translates to “fuck you, we doin’ this thang anyway.”

It’s nearly 11 p.m. on New Year’s Eve in Japan.

Phro has started drinking.  I can’t tell whether he’s already passed his limit or whether he needs to drink a shitload more.  He sent me these two videos.

You remember Babymetal, don’t you?  How could you forget.  I’ve been trying, but my psychotherapist says I need to work harder at it.  The new video is the same goddamn “Doki Doki Morning” song, but this time the Babymetal teeny boppers are dancing and throwing the goat.

The other video is from the same chick who did that PonPonPon video.  I’m ashamed I even know that. This is all Phro’s fault.

It’s not even 6 a.m. here in Seattle.  I now need to get fucked up fast, but 6 a.m. seems just a tad on the early side.  I’m screwed.

Believe me, there WILL be a palette cleanser soon . . .

JAck Dagnellz!  Unformed chicken fetuses!  Bacon!  Candied bacon!  Bacon bits!  Jack ‘n’ yoke!  White Russian cereal!

(Wait, isn’t that redundant?  Aren’t all Russians white?)

Pancake batter!  More pancake batter!  Donut ‘o egg!  More fucken JAck, haters!

While I finish waking up and then working on the next epic post, watch these fuckin guys get toasted and make big mounds of disgusting food.  I’m talking to the 2 or 3 of you who don’t already subscribe to the Epic Meal Time YousTubes channel.  After the yump.

And don’t give me that shit like you got something better to do than watch this.  I’m not buying it.  Unless you’re still listening to all that music in Andy’s post.  But even then, you can take a break, make yourself sick to your stomach, and then go back and finish off all the tunes.  Be sure to stick your finger down your throat first, so the nausea doesn’t interfere with the listening.  That’s what I do.  Pancake batter!

I’m trying. This is the best I can do.

A new holiday-themed look and feel for the site: looks like shit, feels like slime.

Should I make it permanent?

Nice metal krampus after the jump.

Like gutted fish left waiting on a sunny river bank before a fry-up, we’re still basking in the glow of premiering a song from Global Flatline, the forthcoming album by those multinational gore-spatterers in Aborted. As is true of all Aborted albums, the track list for this one just gets your mouth watering:

01. Omega Mortis
02. Global Flatline
03. Источник Болезни (The Origin Of Disease)
04. Coronary Reconstruction
05. Fecal Forgery
06. Of Scabs And Boils
07. Vermicular, Obscene, Obese
08. Expurgation Euphoria
09. From A Tepid Whiff
10. The Kallinger Theory
11. Our Father, Who Art Of Feces
12. Grime
13. Endstille
Bonus track: “Nailed Through Her Cunt”

However, as delectable as this track list is, it could be improved. For example, that song we premiered — “The Origin of Disease”: Don’t you think it would have sounded better if it had been called “The Origin of My Penis”? I think so, even though I didn’t come up with that name (and he who did shall remain anonymous for now).

In an effort to enhance the appeal of the track list, we turned to Phro, our resident expert on branding (and I’m not talkin’ about coming up with names and slogans). Phro’s proposed revisions to Aborted’s album title and track list appear after the jump.

FINALLY! After those dozens of e-mails I’ve received from Africans offering me ridiculous sums of money, fully loaded bags of gold dust, pre-funded ATM cards, and other forms of wealth in return for my personal details, I’m now starting to get e-mails from new friends offering other benefits. It’s about fucking time, because not one of those other motherfuckers has yet sent me a dime, despite the fact that I’ve replied to them quickly and sincerely and given them all the personal info they requested.

Here’s an intriguing message I got over the weekend from a helpful guy named Fritz Fish. I thought it would be good because of the alliterative name. When I replied to his message, I decided to just interlineate my responses in his message and send it back.

From: Fritz Fish
Subject: Overcome rod’s softness
Date: December 18, 2011 1:46:18 AM PST
To: Islander <islander@nocleansinging.com>

- There is no reason to feel depressed if you, like so many other men today, have hit the rough spot of your sexual life when you cannot seem to be performing as well as you used to do. Your agitation and frustration are easily understood, and still you should know that with the modern development of worldwide pharmacological industries it is but natural that there is bound to be a solution for your own needs when it comes down to solving your erectile dysfunction problems.

Dude, thanks so much for your interest in NO CLEAN SINGING and in the state of my mental and penile health. You’re like some kind of fucken mind-reader!  How did you know I’d hit a rough spot in my sexual life? I’ve been so agitated and frustrated lately that I can hardly hit the bowl when I take a piss. I’m like painting the goddamned floor and walls all around the shitter with my piss. But I tell you what,  I’m already getting rigid just knowing about the modern development of worldwide pharmacological industries and their solutions for my own needs.

Classical music plus metal?  The music of the fuckin 21st Century!!  The most brilliant, vicious music ever heard!!!  Beethoven’s fuckin Fifth Symphony, speed version!

Do not listen to this album after listening to Metallica! You will not get it. You just will not understand it. The progression from the last album to this album? From total genius to impossibly amazing, powerful genius!!!!

You assholes are thinkin because I’m sitting here screaming in the middle of the rain in New York that I’m some kind of nutcase!  No, I just happen to be the only Fuckin Unrepressed Person in all of New York!

Why am I walking backwards? That’s your job!

And guess what? The Japanese are taking over the fuckin world!!!  You fuckin peons.

You know, if I don’t spread the word about this, who will?

A new writer at The Number of the Blog who goes by “Rev. Will” over there (and has masqueraded under a different name at NCS) is running a new series called “Keyboard Warriors”, in which he interviews other metal bloggers. He started off strong, featuring interviews of Adrien Begrand (Decibel, Terrorizer, Dominion) and Vince Neilstein (MetalSucks). And then he went right off the rails by electing to interview . . . me.

If you have nothing better to do, go check out the interview at TNOTB (here) and leave comments appropriate to the subject matter.