More than a month has passed since we posted our last update about the 70,000 Tons of Metal Cruise, and we figured it was time to check in again.
Since our last update, Exodus, Forbidden, and Testament have signed on. That’s a heavyweight injection of Bay Area thrash into this floating festival (we’ll give you the complete current line-up of 18 bands after the jump). Plus, in related news, the Swedes have gotten in on the act by putting together their own metal cruise (more on that after the jump too).
If you don’t know what this cruise is, we’ll fill you in: The organizers have chartered a cruise ship (Royal Caribbean’s “Majesty of the Seas”) capable of carrying 40 metal bands (which means they’re still targeting 22 more bands to fill out the line-up) and 2,000 fans, departing Miami on January 24, 2011 for a 5-day, 4-night cruise in the Caribbean, including a stop at the Mexican island of Cozumel.
The 70,000 Tons of Metal cruise has got great potential — both good and bad. It could be a truly awesome experience. It could also be a clusterfuck of cosmic proportions. And there’s no way to know which it will be until that cruise ship limps back into port, probably on fire, at the end of the voyage.
We’ve got some thoughts about what could make it orgasmically good, and what could make it suck big-time. But we’d bet the farm that unless Royal Caribbean is run by metalheads (not likely), they have no fucking idea what they’re about to get themselves into, and that increases the risk of suckage. (more thoughts, and other related stuff, after the jump . . .)
We thought it was time for an update on The 70,000 Tons of Metal Cruise. We’ve had so much fun with this thing (e.g., here and here) and are just counting the days until January 2011 when it limps back into port at Miami with chaos in its wake.
But just as we were checking the interwebz for updated info last weekend, we came across a few other stories about coal and China that gobsmacked us. They’ve got nothing to do with metal, and they’re only tangentially related to “70,000 Tons of Metal.” Actually, even “tangential” is stretching it. About the only connection is that the first story involves shipping clusterfuckery, and we suspect “70,000 Tons of Metal” will turn into a clusterfuck, too, though in a fun-loving, binge-and-purge kind of way.
So, before we give you an update on “70,000 Tons of Metal” (which we really will do), allow us to vent a little about those gobsmacking stories we saw.
First Item: According to this report, a large Chinese freighter carrying 72,000 tons of coal (not 70,000 Ton of Metal) ran aground late Saturday on a section of Australia’s Great Barrier Reef. The Shen Neng 1 crashed into the reef at full speed a few hours after leaving the port of Gladstone, Australia, on its way to China. When that happened, it was nine miles outside its authorized shipping lane, according to Australian authorities. And those same authorities reported that the ship is in danger of breaking apart.
So, what’s the big deal, you may ask? You’re thinking that coal doesn’t leak. True, but a ship this large carries a shitload of fuel — 1,000 tons of it, to be more precise. (read on after the jump . . .)
Blabbermouth ran the following story on January 12:
TROUBLE, AMON AMARTH and SODOM are among the confirmed bands for the 70000 Tons Of Metal cruise, which is set to sail from Miami, Florida to Cozumel, Mexico on January 24, 2011 and return four days later. The festival billing is shaping up as follows:
AMON AMARTH
SODOM
SONATA ARCTICA
STRATOVARIUS
TROUBLE
WITCHBURNERA posting on the festival’s web site reads, “Imagine starting the year in style. In January 2011, when everyone else is stuck with cold weather, snow and rain, 40 heavy metal bands and 2,000 fans will take over a luxury cruise ship in the Caribbean for a five-day and four-night trip of a lifetime. Tons of onboard live shows on several indoor and outdoor stages, open-mic nights, bars that never close, a fun- and sun-filled day on the beautiful island of Cozumel and an opportunity to mingle side-by-side with the artists in this incredibly fan-friendly scenario that has no comparison. It’s like everyone has a backstage pass. You might even need a vacation from this vacation when all is said and done!”
OK. Now imagine it’s about a year from now. The cruise was supposed to leave January 24, and return in four days. So, they should be back to shore by now. So here’s what we’ll be asking on January 28, 2011:
- Is there anything left of the ship?
- “70,000 Tons of Metal” — but what was the total tonnage of weed smuggled on board?
- How many people went over the side, never to be seen again?
- How many people were hospitalized along the way?
- How many passengers are still in jail on Cozumel?
- How many tourists signed up for this, thinking it was just a normal Caribbean cruise?
- Did Amon Amarth eat any of those tourists?
- Was the bilge big enough to hold all the projectile vomiting?
- Did anyone actually go up on deck into the sunlight?
- Have photos surfaced on the interwebs?
Can’t wait for January 28, 2011. Seriously.