Blabbermouth ran the following story on January 12:

TROUBLE, AMON AMARTH and SODOM are among the confirmed bands for the 70000 Tons Of Metal cruise, which is set to sail from Miami, Florida to Cozumel, Mexico on January 24, 2011 and return four days later. The festival billing is shaping up as follows:

AMON AMARTH
SODOM
SONATA ARCTICA
STRATOVARIUS
TROUBLE
WITCHBURNER

A posting on the festival’s web site reads, “Imagine starting the year in style. In January 2011, when everyone else is stuck with cold weather, snow and rain, 40 heavy metal bands and 2,000 fans will take over a luxury cruise ship in the Caribbean for a five-day and four-night trip of a lifetime. Tons of onboard live shows on several indoor and outdoor stages, open-mic nights, bars that never close, a fun- and sun-filled day on the beautiful island of Cozumel and an opportunity to mingle side-by-side with the artists in this incredibly fan-friendly scenario that has no comparison. It’s like everyone has a backstage pass. You might even need a vacation from this vacation when all is said and done!”

OK. Now imagine it’s about a year from now. The cruise was supposed to leave January 24, and return in four days. So, they should be back to shore by now. So here’s what we’ll be asking on January 28, 2011:

• Is there anything left of the ship?
• “70,000 Tons of Metal” — but what was the total tonnage of weed smuggled on board?
• How many people went over the side, never to be seen again?
• How many people were hospitalized along the way?
• How many passengers are still in jail on Cozumel?
• How many tourists signed up for this, thinking it was just a normal Caribbean cruise?
• Did Amon Amarth eat any of those tourists?
• Was the bilge big enough to hold all the projectile vomiting?
• Did anyone actually go up on deck into the sunlight?
• Have photos surfaced on the interwebs?

Can’t wait for January 28, 2011. Seriously.

UPDATE:  For our latest update on this cruise, go to this location.