Dec 092011

Yeah, I’m joking.  I don’t really intend to devote any of our precious space to Revolver magazine’s list of the 20 best albums of 2011.  Actually, our space isn’t precious. It’s unlimited, but still.

It just happens that although I haven’t renewed my subscription to Revolver, they continue to mail me the mag, and when I got the current issue a few days ago, I peaked at the list. It’s just as terrible as I thought it would be. Not 100% awful — there are a few good albums on the list — but overall it’s painful.

Album of the Year?  It’s the same title as the one that DECIBEL named Album of the Year, except instead of being Path of Totality by Tombs it’s The Path of Totality by . . . Korn.  Seriously.

Coming in at No. 3?  Megadeth.

Locking up the No. 4 spot?  Evanescence.

Do you really, truly want to see the rest of the list?  Alright then.  Suit yourself.

1.   Korn, The Path of Totality

2.   Machine Head, Unto the Locust

3.   Megadeth, Th1rt3en

4.   Evanescence, Evanescence

5.   Black Veil Brides, Set the World On Fire

6.   A Pale Horse Named Death, And Hell Will Follow Me

7.   Foo Fighters, Wasting Light

8.   Anthrax, Worship Music

9.   Five Finger Death Punch, American Capitalist

10. Asking Alexandria, Reckless and Relentless

11. Mastodon, The Hunter

12. Children of Bodom, Reckless Relentless Forever

13. Seether, Holding Onto Strings Better Left To Fray

14. Chimaira, The Age of Hell

15. The Black Dahlia Murder, Ritual

16. Staind, Staind

17. Iced Earth, Dystopia

18. Born of Osiris, The Discovery

19. Opeth, Heritage

20. August Burns Red, Leveller

I just noticed that Asking Alexandria and Children of Bodom are both reckless and relentless, except Asking Alexandria doesn’t plan to stay that way forever.


  1. oof.
    That Cover Art doesn’t help matters.

  2. I regret looking at the full list..

  3. I think I just prolapsed the angry ghost of Ronnie James Dio.

  4. I died a little inside. The only one of these I can agree with is Mastodon.

  5. That’s some list there. LOL

  6. ebin 5/5

  7. So glad I stopped subscribing to this shit when I turned 16.

  8. I went into this trying to maintain an open mind. I told me, “Now, look here, Phro. Ev`reebuddy dun got thur own set o` tastes an` buliefs, an` it ain` gunn` do no good goin` `round `n` judgin` people an` talkin` sum shit.”

    Then I read the list.

    Now I just want to kill something with my teeth, eat a few bites, and then piss all the fuck over it so nothing else can eat it.

    Good job, Revolver, you made me hate hipsters less. You fucking assholes.

    • Although, I did get the Born of Osiris album because of the NoCleanSinging review. And it definitely was not a purchase I regret. I thought it was a pretty good album, but you won`t find it on my year end list.

      But again, that`s just my taste. (I taste kinda like a smelly asshole.)


    • I’m stainding on my head and it still kinda looks like you said “FUCK YEAH!! STAIND!!!” Actually, it looks more like !!!DNIATS !!HAEY KCUF.

      • Come ON, Aaron Lewis is a fucking genius! All of his songs are from the heart and every time I listen to “14 Shades of Grey” I cry so hard my mascara runs all down my face and makes me look like that guy in Ancient VVisdom!

  10. Holy fucking fuckballs…Black Veil Brides?

  11. Let’s be honest… does anyone actually take Revolver magazine seriously who’s not still in high school?

    I didn’t think so.

  12. I’m only excited for 3 of those albums this year. Man, I can’t wait until I pick up the stuff from Black Veil Brides, Asking Alexandria and August Burns Red.

    But seriously, I want MH, Opeth and TBDM.

  13. Thanks for posting this, I needed a good laugh today! Can’t say I’m surprised by the pedestrian sensibilities of Revolver’s list, however giving korn album of the year is especially bullshit for several reasons beyond the fact that they suck harder than a Baltic Squid:
    1. The album came out on December 6th, as in 3 fucking days ago. I know that the press often gets advance copies to listen to, but unless they got the album a month and a half ago I’m not convinced the Revolver “staff” has had adequate time to absorb it.
    2. Korn’s latest album isn’t just another CD of down-tuned, two cord teenage angst songs played by 40 year old dudes, it’s a dubstep album! If you don’t know what dubstep is, let’s just say that it’s even further removed from real metal than korn’s usual sound and Revolver might as well have named a fucking KMFDM remix CD as album of the year.

  14. Ohhh yeah. Until I read this list I totally forgot that APHND ever happened. That was one of the more disappointing releases I heard this year, too. I guess I was hoping for more Type O and less Life of Agony, but it was the other way around.

  15. Thankfully a few of their picks are actually worth inclusion, although some would easily disagree with the ranking. Me, I don’t give a shit about ranking, ratings, scores or whatever, so it doesn’t bother me too much that they put Korn as #1. Okay, maybe it does bother me a bit, because Korn hasn’t been worth listening to for a long time – yes, I do think that there was a time when they were.

    Granted, I haven’t heard all these albums, but I don’t need to to know that this list is nowhere near a reliable representation of metal this year. Since A7X didn’t release anything this year, they didn’t make the list; otherwise I’d expect them to take the top spot. Nothing against the band, mind you. I like some of what I’ve heard from them, but never really got into them. Revolver, however, seems to have worshipped the band in the past and I wouldn’t put it past them to provide some more print fellatio next time they have an album out. Kind of like most publications do now with Opeth.

    On a side note, any cred this rag has is greatly diminished by having anything with the word CRUNK on the cover.

    • I can’t believe I missed the CRUNK word on the cover. I think I was too flabbergasted by everything else on the cover, but that’s still no excuse.

      You are so right about the Revolver love for A7X. I’m not going to criticize the band, because they’re far enough away from what I pay any attention to these days that I don’t even have a starting place for attempting to judge the good or bad of what they’re doing. Not that anyone would give a crap about what I think of them anyway.

      I used to listen to Korn and Evanescence, Foo Fighters, and Staind, so it would be hypocritical to say they’ve never had anything to offer. But that was then and this is now

      • Agreed. Those bands, and several of their peers, had something good for them when they were starting out, but haven’t really been able to reach the personal standards they had set. Not that they can’t come up with somethign half decent today, but when a listenable song or horns worthy riff are the exception, something’s wrong.

        Looking at this list, I must say that I was glad to see a couple of glaring omissions in the form of Lulu, Gold Cobra and Speaker Of The Dead. So, at least there’s that.

  16. looks like they’ve never heard of The Human Abstract! seriously, check out their songs Faust, Antebellum, Digital Veil, and the rest off their latest album (Digital Veil). i’m glad Born Of Osiris was on the list though

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