Jul 262011

(Phro claims he lives in Japan, but I’m beginning to suspect that he’s beaming these posts in from another planet. I don’t even know why I bother with an introduction any more. If you don’t recognize this prose by now, you need to be beaten with a tentacle flail.)

Let me start this with a confession.  It’s difficult to say or even admit to myself, but like a cocaine mule with a colon full of ruptured condom coke I must admit it or I’ll never get the help I clearly need.

My name is Phro, and I like Blink 182.

Alright, alright, quiet down and put that fucking garrote away.  I know you sick fuckers have your problems, too.  (Like snorting dried octopus mucus out of a crackwhore`s bloody anus.)  Granted, that’s not nearly as serious of an offense, but come on, cut a guy some slack.

Now, you’re probably wondering why in the name of swollen donkey dick I’m telling you this.  Well, in addition to wanting to get the weight off my chest, I have gotten the most ultimate of scoops.  This was something that I couldn’t tell anyone I was doing until it was done–not even I.S. Lander, the super secret spy deep in the confines of enemy territory. (He does Brittany Spears impersonations to maintain his cover.)  BUT!  Against all odds, I managed to break into the Blink 182 top secret compound and steal the master tracks for their new album.  Not only that, but I was able to kidnap one of them and use truth serum and a completely inappropriate amount of sexual blackmail to get some answers from him.  Therefore what follows is a completely accurate review of their newest album, as well as some choice commentary on the recording process.

I realize you`re probably about to click the back button and go read something with more tits (like pig porn…sows have like 12 nipples!!  fucking awesome!) or at least more metal (like watching the T1000 manually masturbate a tank).  BUT DON`T DO IT!!! Continue reading »