Mar 182011

The time has come. I’ve decided to expose myself. No, not like this dude. I mean, it’s time to expose my face, time to show everyone what I really look like. And yes, that’s me up above with my cat.

For months now, I’ve received a surging torrent of e-mails from NCS fans asking for a photo of my face, not just the icon of my inked arms that I use for comments, which some people think is unfriendly and off-putting. Many correspondents have wondered if I even have a head at all. Actually, all of those people were asking if I had a brain, but I’m interpreting those questions as asking for a head-and-shoulders shot.

Many other people have written to ask that I post a photo of my cat, since I mention him so often in NCS posts and comments. I thought the photo up above was a good pose, because my cat has a habit of climbing up on my shoulders when I’m trying to write at the keyboard. He also has a habit of drinking from my water glass when I’m not paying attention and walking across my keyboard and entering random commands that I then can’t figure out how to un-do, or sometimes just deleting what I’ve spent hours writing. He also throws up a lot. But I didn’t think a shot of me cleaning up cat vomit would be as appealing.

He’s not a popular breed of cat. The coat is kind of rough, and they eat a lot, plus they intimidate some people. But I can tell you from personal experience they make really affectionate pets and they’re good with children, especially if you don’t like children. All it takes is for them to bite off a visiting child’s foot just the one time and you won’t have to worry ever again about your friends bringing their kids over for a visit. Awesome.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the photo of me. Some of you may be thinking that’s a photo of Robert Pattinson, but it’s not. That dude is in such demand after the big Twilight cultural explosion that he can’t be everywhere he needs to be, so I stand in for him every now and then. Dude gets bored having his picture taken anyway, and it puts the extra cheddah in my pocket that I need to keep NCS going, so it’s a win-win situation for both of us. (unfortunately, there is more after the jump . . .)

Looking like Robert Pattinson has its downsides. Metal bloggers are supposed to be ugly as sin. I think that’s an unwritten rule, based on the fact that most of them are, in fact, ugly as sin. So I was concerned that if I revealed my true Robert Pattinson-like appearance, it would hurt my street cred as a metal blogger. As you can see, I don’t have any facial piercings or gauges or ink on my neck. I’m not obese, and I stay well-groomed. I actually wash my hair every day and change my underwear twice a week.

Few metalheads wear slightly misshapen fedoras, so there’s that, too. I think a fedora set at a rakish angle lends a certain air of savoir faire, and it’s far more stylish than a sideways baseball cap. Strangely, I don’t see many fedoras at metal clubs when I feel like going out for a mosh and a headbang or two. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen one at all, except for my own. I do get some odd looks when I go to shows. One time a bouncer called me a “fucking pussy piece of shit”, but I think that was just his way of trying to be friendly.

Sometimes people in the mosh pits kick me in the head and ribs when I fall down, which is really poor mosh etiquette, but I think it’s unintentional. Y’know, sometimes people are just so into the music that they don’t see you lying there on the ground, writhing in agony with your neck under their boots, and they forget to help you up. But I think it’s good to lose yourself in the metal, so I overlook that kind of thing. I really don’t think it has anything to do with the fedora or my fondness for wearing un-ironed white shirts and showing some chest hair.

So, anyways, I’m hoping that all the e-mail traffic wondering about my head will stop now that I’ve revealed my true face, and my cat, for all the world of metaldom to see.

I also have to confess another motive for this post: I’m trying to draw attention to our Facebook presence. That’s right, the NCS Facebook page is closing in on 10,000 “likes”! So, get out there and spread the word! Pimp the shit out of the NCS Facebook page, which shouldn’t be difficult now that you’ve got my photo to use as an inducement. Get all your friends and relatives to “like” us. Why does this matter? Fuck if I know, but it seems to matter to all the bands on Facebook. So do it! We’re only 9,780 “likes” away from 10,000 — so close we can fuckin’ taste it!


Man, my conscience is already starting to get the better of me. I promised myself, and you, that we would be honest here at NCS. So, I have to admit I bent the truth a bit in this post.

These are not photos of me. That is not my cat. I don’t wear fedoras or wear white shirts in a way that shows chest hair. I don’t know Robert Pattinson or stand in for him at photo shoots. I don’t look much like him either. No one has written me asking for a photo of my face or pics of my cat; in fact, no one seems to give a rat’s ass what either one of us looks like. But other than those things, it’s all true.

  43 Responses to “REVELATIONS”

  1. Welk, NOW i wanna know what you look like!!!

    Before i always assumed you just didn’t have a head, but instead had a robotic skull protecting your raw brain matter.

    Or tentacles. It’s a toss up.

  2. I’m still convinced Islander is just another aspect of my own fractured personality.

    Who else would let me write shit for them I ask you?

  3. You should have left this for April Fools Day. Pretty damn funny.

  4. ” it’s time to expose my face, time to show everyone what I really look like. And yes, that’s me up above with my cat.”
    I was hoping you were the crocodile….

  5. Lol. I always thought you were just a pair of arms…kind of like in those old Inspector Gadget shows where all you ever see is the villain’s arms and his cat.

    Robert Pattinson doesn’t look like a cat. He IS a cat. You know what I mean.

  6. I have a friend who looks like Robert Pattinson, at least he did when he cut his hair and dyed it brown.

  7. I’d bet that it sometimes sucks being all sparkly in the day and having legions of females (including a lot of jailbait) following you around all day. No wonder you have to go incognito and sport some Ed Hardy sleeves.

  8. I just had sex and my dreams came true if you had sex in the last 30 minutes then you’re qualified to sing with me!!!!!!

    Okay, the lonely island isn’t metal, but they are awesome.

    • And completely off topic, but…

      Can we expect more movie reviews?
      I just found your review of Crazy Heart, and I agreed almost 100% with everything you said.
      It was a phenomenal movie, and if Jeff Bridges weren’t already an acclaimed actor, I would suggest he be based on that film alone.

      And the music was damn good, for not being metal at all.

      • Jeff Bridges is the man. I enjoyed the shit out of Crazy Heart. Have you seen the new True Grit? I thought it was damn good too.

      • Also, thinking of old-school country, Willie Nelson’s westerns, Barbarosa and The Red Headed Stranger, are some great movies too.

        • While I appreciate cowboy movies, I don’t generally go out of my way to watch them.
          Reminds me too much of home…….
          Though I may find them on my computer some day demanding to be watched…

          • I completely understand, most westerns don’t do it for me either.

            • It’s not that they’re all bad…
              As a genre, they can be pretty damn fun and/or interesting….

              But I much prefer more modern action films.
              Though the fact that they remade True Grit is something I find interesting.

              • The original was good, but the re-make is great.

              • Idk what it is about westerns, but I like modern westerns more like the remake of 3:10 to Yuma. I don’t really think modern movies are as good as the older movies either. Btw if you guys are into gaming with some western settings try Red Dead Revolver and its successor Red Dead Redemption. Those two games are some of the best I’ve played with a pretty good story, and interesting characters (especially Revolver).

                • I was thinking about 3:10 To Yuma as I was reading the comments about True Grit. It’s another great example of a remake that’s better than the original. Awesome movie.

      • That review was really off-topic for this site — the product of an abundance of enthusiasm for the movie and the music. Maybe it will happen again, maybe not, but I’m glad you found it and liked it.

        And this is a real coincidence, but yesterday I made the acquaintance of Quigs, one of the writers at The Number of the Blog, who is a serious student of film. It didn’t take long before we discovered that we’re both big fans of Jeff Bridges and of the Coen brothers, who made True Grit. That is an awesome movie. I happen to like westerns, but I would have loved that movie anyway. Every performance was spot on. It captures the casual violence of another age . . .

        • You should review Gummo based on the pretty metal soundtrack, and a pretty fucked up movie

          • I hadn’t heard about that one. I found this one-line description on imdb: “Lonely residents of a tornado-stricken Ohio town wander the deserted landscape trying to fulfill their boring, nihilistic lives.” Does that about sum it up?

            On the other hand, I found this summary of the CD for music from the movie: “An intriguing collection of twisted tunes can be found on the soundtrack for the film Gummo. In addition to traditionally devilish ditties, there is a diverse assortment of scungy trailer metal, fuzz-filled stoner rock, and experimental noise by bands as varied as Eyehategod, Sleep, and Namanax. The black metal cuts by Absu, Burzum, and Mortician are more dynamic than most, and the wailing weirdness of tracks like Destroy All Monsters’ sample-saturated “Mom’s and Dad’s Pussy” and Mischa Maisky’s sparse, creepy “Suite No. 2 for Solo Cello in D Minor-Prelude” prevents the flailing noise from becoming overbearing.” Now that does sound interesting. Maybe I could listen to the CD and pass on teh movie?

            • So it’s been many many years since I saw this movie, but from what I remember that sums it up. It doesn’t really have much of a plot, it’s just fucked up and depressing. From what I remember it didn’t regret seeing it, but it’s probably not for everybody.

    • I did not have sex in the last 30 minutes, so what do I do?

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