Jul 262011

A tip like this could only have come from our buddy Phro, and so it did. I believe it has made my day, even if SUMMER SLAUGHTER turns out to suck, which it won’t.

In a previous life, I used to work on a ranch. I have attended cattle auctions. I found them fascinating, not because I like to look at cows and bulls, which gets old pretty fast, but because of the auctioneers. If you’ve never heard an auctioneer going full-blast, you’re about to get your first exposure. If you’ve never heard an auctioneer going full-blast with demented speed metal for musical accompaniment, well, you’re about to hear that, too.

Who would think of such a thing? Why, none other than Hank3, a/k/a Hank Williams III. He has a new album scheduled for release on September 6 called 3 Bar Ranch Cattle Callin. Actually, he has three albums scheduled for release that day, including Ghost to a Ghost/Guttertown, a double disc of country tunes, and an album of doom metal by the name of Attention Deficient Domination. But it’s two tracks from 3 Bar Cattle Callin that have made my day.

I guaran-damn-tee you that you have never heard anything like this before. It takes metal craziness to a whole ‘nuther level. To quote from Jeanne Fury’s write-up on the DECIBEL web site, “it’s so deliriously nuts, it’ll singe your utters and have you reaching for the Bag Balm.” And to top it off, both songs are available for free download. Podna, you really owe it to yourself to stay with us past the jump and expose your delicate ears to this unique form of mayhem. Seriously, Phro and I can’t be the only NCS denizens screwy enough to find this appealing. Can we?

Here’s another excerpt from Jeanne Fury’s lovely prose about the cowshit you’re about to hear:

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s not every day that the Deciblog introduces you to a whole new genre of extreme music. But today is special. Today, we bring you a new breed of ferocity. Behold… CATTLE CORE. That’s right, you mooing sons-o-bitches. Cattle core. Speed metal + cattle auctioneer vocals = cattle core. “Why didn’t I think of that?” you’re saying to yourselves. Because you’re stupid and have no vision, that’s why. But to soothe the burn, recognize that Hank3 (also known as Hank Williams III) is the pioneer of this twisted amalgam, and he is, quite frankly, the only one who could pull off such a blazing experiment without turning it into a steaming pile of fertilizer.

In addition to skidmark-inducing metal, the songs features famous cattle auctioneers Tim Dowler and Mitch Jordan. It’s amazing these guys can feel their faces after 20 minutes of work. . . . Throwing the horns has never before felt so appropriate.

Fuck yeah. Now, listen up cowboys and cowgirls, and if you like these cowpies, you can use the links after the music players to visit Soundcloud and download the songs for yourselves.

“Branded” (with Mitch Jordan)

[audio:https://www.nocleansinging.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Branded.mp3|titles=Hank3 – Branded]

“Black Cow” (with Tim Dowler)

[audio:https://www.nocleansinging.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Tim-Dowler-Black-Cow.mp3|titles=Hank3- Black Cow]




  1. Honestly I didn’t really like it. I can’t say I have ever liked anything Hank3 has done metal-wise. I found that one song by Assjack completely annoying, and I have to say, the second song here was better in my opinion, the first one was kinda grating.

  2. Yeah, what Utmu said. The first one was kinda painful – and that’s with only one speaker going. The second one wasn’t as ear-rapingly horrifying, but that’s not saying much. They’re certainly different though. That’s not always a good thing.

    While having an auctioneer on a song is probably something new, but I couldn’t help but be reminded of Dokaka or a sped up version of van Canto. The former is a Japanese beatboxer who has recorded metal covers (and original content) done with only his vocal contortions; he uses multi-tracking and does everything fresh when he performs live, which takes a while to set up.

    The latter is an a capella band who also have a drummer, mostly for the metal covers they do, since some of the drummer would be too hard for one or even two people to handle with their arrangements. Some people find them cheesy (the band knows this and at times embraces the cheese) and the usual knuckledraggers sling insults at the band and their approach. But as the band has pointed out in the FAQ from their site, they’ve played Wacken. Oh, and I think their cover of Grave Differ’s “Rebellion” (which has Chris Boltendahl on guest vocals) is better than the original.

    Oh yeah, where was I?

    Oh, right. Auctioneers and metal. Fuck, if Hank III can do this, I should find some of the Micromachines commercials and turn them into some demented, perverted form of grind. Or just see if I can find any Nitro songs in my collection, since they were sped up for whatever the fuck reason.

    • I guess the answer to my question — can Phro and I can’t be the only NCS denizens screwy enough to find this appealing? — is yes, you fucking are. But all is not lost, because now I have Dokaka and van Canto to check out. Actually, I have heard van Canto before and had an allergic reaction, but I haven’t heard their cover of “Rebellion”, so I’m going to take an antihistamine and give it a shot.

      • Good luck. Aside from the clean singing and that it’s a capella with drums, I’m not sure if it’s something that might somehow trigger a good response from you.

        Me, I like ’em. And I gotta give them credit for continuing to do what they do. Yes, it’s odd to hear how they vocalize some of the stuff, but there are only so many songs the human voice can make and turning guitars, bass and keyboard into vocal sounds means you have to take some liberties with the arrangement, such as using battery to form the music for that song. Anyhoo, the vocal versions of some of the guitar solos are quite impressive.

        As you might have guessed, I really like their cover of “Rebellion”. It’s not like they’re doing anything different – other than having Grave Digger’s singer on the song – but it goes above and beyond anything else I’ve heard from them and I don’t find it cheesy at all. And they had a lot of fun with the video; they don’t take things too seriously.

        As for Dokaka… take in small doses at first. He’s covered Slayer and Metallica – fairly competently, but it’s not something I can really listen to at length. Listener, beware.

  3. I’ll admit that the second song is a bit gimmicky. I kinda hope the album has a bit more diversity, but both songs have, in my opinion, great fucking grooves. They take a while to get into the grooves, and I can totally see why no one is really liking them, but I love the grinding groove that he’s using to underscore the natural rhythm and melody of the auctioneers. I’m not trying to change your mind, but I think that if you grew up with livestock auctions–or any of those midwestern style auctions–the nostalgia alone makes them worth the listen.

    So is it gimmicky? Yeah, damn fucking. But I think it’s gimmicky that works. I can’t see Hank3 sustaining this for more than an album (and if he tries, I call bullshit), but I’m glad it’s been done.

    However, I do have to say that my favorite Hank3 is still his country albums. I’m really excited about the new one in September, since he’s categorically stated that the last one on Curb (or Bruc or whatever) was just a throw away to satisfy his contact.

 Leave a Reply

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>



This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.