What a long time it’s been since the last post in this series — more than a month. And I’ve collected so many items to choose from — many of them from the NCS faithful. One of them I’ve been sitting on for a really long time, because it involves a massive amount of pus. I’m still not sure I can bring myself to use it, since I’m pretty sure it’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. I think I’ll just start going with this post and see how I feel when I get to the end.
What this series is about, for newcomers: Some things are metal even though they’re not music — photos, art, videos, reports of human behavior. Some things are metal because they’re fuckin amazing. Some things are metal because they’re brutal. And some things are metal because they’re unbelievably ridiculous — just like your average metalhead (me included). In these posts, I pick out things I see that I think are metal, for one or more of these reasons. Today, I’ve got six items for your entertainment.
The first item is right up there at the top of this post, and it came our way from my friend Quigs. I poked around the interhole to see if I could find more about this awesome piece of construction. It appears to have been created by a dude in Bangkok from recycled auto and bicycle parts. More details about it can be found here. And a couple more pics of this thing are right after the jump.
Seriously, how badass would it be to ride down the road on an Alien chopper like this? For extra coolness, I’d want the ability to hit a switch and have the xenomorph’s inner mouth shoot out of jaws like it does in the movies in order to scare the living fuck out of anyone who gets too close.
We’ve proven time and time again in this series that nature is fucking weird and often disgusting, in addition to being beautiful and amazing. This next item falls into the “weird and disgusting” kind of natural-world metalness, and was brought to our attention by NCS reader Ben C. Meet Ampulex compressa, also known as the emerald cockroach wasp or the jewel wasp:
The xenomorph creature in the Aliens movies is a wicked creation, but this real-world creature has eerily similar reproductive practices. According to this article, the wasp uses roaches as hosts for its young. It slips a stinger directly into the roach’s brain and injects a venom that doesn’t kill or paralyze the roach, but disables its “escape reflex”. The wasp then directs the movement of the roach like a dog on a leash, using the roach’s antenna to lead it.
The wasp takes the roach into its burrow and lays an egg on the roach. The egg hatches, a larva emerges, and the wasp larva eats a hole into the living roach. It goes inside and grows by devouring the organs of its host for 8 days. It then emerges fully grown.
Disgusting? Yes. Metal? Fuck yes, in a brutal way. And don’t tell me you don’t want to see this happen, because I know you do.
I’m really glad this fucker didn’t evolve to reach the size of a German Shepherd, or one of those Alien xenomorphs, aren’t you?
After that piece of utter foulness, I think we need one of those “beautiful and amazing” pieces of natural-world metalness. Phro sent me this one. I was somewhat fearful that there would be an unexpected tentacle before this clip ended, but no.
This video was taken by the Russian and American crew of the International Space Station on December 29, 2011, as the station passed over Central Africa to the South Indian Ocean. The flashing lights you’ll see are lightening flashes in local storms lower in the atmosphere. Be sure to notice as the Milky Way rises from below the horizon. The pass ends as the sun rises over the ocean.
Motherfucking wondrous. To see that in HD, visit this location.
It’s exactly two weeks until Super Bowl XLVI, and I’m already getting excited. Not because I care about the game — I don’t really give a fuck about any of the four teams who are still in the playoffs. No, I’m excited because of the Super Bowl commercials!
Volkswagen has already released a teaser for their commercial. I don’t think I’ve seen a dog choir perform quite this well before. The melody sounds vaguely familiar, too. Definitely not a metal song though. It will come to me eventually.
(Credit to TYWKIWDBI for this find, and for the intro to the vid.)
So let’s see now, we haven’t yet featured anything ridiculous yet, so let’s take care of that right away. What makes this next video metal isn’t the music, (a) because THAT’S METAL! is a series about things that aren’t music, and (b) because the music in this video is fucking embarrassing. No, what makes this video metal are the subtitles. Funny. As. Shit.
(Credit to The Presurfer for this find.)
Well, that was fun, wasn’t it? For our last item, let’s stay with the utterly ridiculous — combined with the brutal. This is a montage of the Best Fails of 2011. I intended to post this around the end of last year, but I fucked up and forgot to do it. So I’m doin’ it now. Thanks to long-time reader deaths_embrace for this one.
So, that wraps up this installment of THAT’s METAL! As always, enjoy the rest of your fucking day.
P.S. Yeah, I wimped out on the pus thing. I just couldn’t do it. Toooooo fuckin’ gross. deaths_embrace sent me the link for this motherfucker, too. If you haven’t eaten recently and you don’t plan to eat in the near future (like, before March), you could go watch this epic cyst extraction on your own and come tell us what you thought. Or you could just forget all about this, which would be the prudent course of action. The fact that this thing has 11.7 million YouTube views means nothing, believe me. Did I mention that this was disgusting?
Of course, I had to skip to the last bonus track and….good goddamn, how did that get inside of him???
Well, time for casserole!
Casserole? Didn’t you mean pudding?
I don’t think we have any…though now that you’ve mentioned it, I really want some.
Seriously, you think genki genki is bad, but you post this??
Wait! I DIDN’T post it! A link doesn’t count.
Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure….that’s what the Nazis said, too.
Also, I will pay someone to make a death metal cover of the subtitle video.
I’ll contribute to that.
I have 5000 yen to put towards it…that’s like….75 dollars? I dunno.
I’ll throw in whatever my cat leaves in his litter box over the next week.
Wow…with your generosity and my brilliance we’ll be…
no, no, I couldn’t do it. We’re both horrible excuses for humans.
Anyway, to the Genki-Genki Funhouse! (You are guilty by association, might as well enjoy it.)
Okay, now you’ve made me feel guilty for being so parsimonious. I’ll enrich the bribe with a loris fetus.
Wait…you have loris fetuses…to give away????
Fuck, I’ll be your drug mule for a week to get one of them! I hear they go great with dead baby soup….
The lorises don’t give them up willingly, but I played Global Flatline in the loris compound last week and got several spontaneous abortions out of that.
You just won your own comment thread!
I think that means you get like twenty billion cookies…..
But be careful…one of the was made from Mike’s cyst goop.
Do people actually say “Come at me motherfucker?”
Do you see any people in that photo?
In the reflection of his eyes, I see the pits of hell and the depth of human suffering…but you’re right…no, I don’t.
Please make a video just featuring that dudes eyebrows. They move in mysterious ways.
So..is that last video more or less gross than this one
Surely you jest. If you’ve found something that’s even close to that cyst extraction, there’s no way in hell I’m going anywhere near it. Just no fucking way. Not even gonna click the link to see what it’s about.
I’ll be right back.
Thew cyst video was definitely the grosser of the two. Seriously, how do you let something like that get that big?
I’m taking your word for it. I decided I REALLY didn’t need to see what came out of that guy’s nose.
Whoop? Whap? Wherp?
You have clearly not seen the John Daker video enough times.
You mean I have to watch it more than once?
vode dung gen
That shit just cracks my amoeba brain up. I have seen the video 10 times now
Authentic frontier gibberish.