Nov 272012

Yeah, I knew you would, you sicko.


I didn’t know anacondas were picky eaters.  Maybe this one was strictly into free-range, grass-fed beef. Or this cow was too much hoof and not enough haunch. Or the fuckin’ snake had a rough night at the local anaconda bar. Or it could just be that this anaconda violated my own personal rule: Never eat anything bigger than your head.

As interesting as this video was, what I’d really like to see is film of how the snake got a whole fuckin’ cow inside in the first place.

Actually, I don’t really want to see that. I didn’t really want to see this one either, but Ben C (Church of the Riff) sent it to me, and I fell under a horrible compulsion to watch it. I bet you watched it, too. You sicko.  For the record, Ben C is sick, too, though I’m stealing his words for the post title and first sentence.

I don’t have anything against snakes, except they scare the piss out of me and I’d like to wish them out of existence. I know there are people out there who keep them as pets. Maybe you’re one of those people. If so, why?

When I watched this, I glanced at the usual line-up of “related” videos on the right side of the YouTube page. I found one that made me feel better. Us mammals have to stick together, and by “us mammals”, I’m talkin’ about us and the mongooses. Or is it mongeese?

Whatever.  If you remember Kipling’s story “Rikki-Tikki-Tavi”, then you know how this ends.


So, you may be wondering what this post has to do with metal.  And the answer is, not very damned much.

Surely you can guess what’s happening here. As I write this, I’m just about to leave to watch a friend’s band named Carnotaurus tear shit up at the 2 Bit Saloon in Seattle, and I haven’t written shit for what will be Tuesday morning at NCS by the time you read this. I will also be out late and likely in no shape to get anything sensible written about metal before the dawn.

So, anacondas, cows, cobras, and . . . mongooseses?

My hero:

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