Dec 022013

I’m still on vacation, and probably should be vacationing instead of spending time on the internet catching up on what’s been happening in the world of metal. Honestly, I expected that nothing would be happening without me there to notice it. You can imagine my shock and dismay in discovering that the world continues to turn even when I don’t pay attention to it. Something is seriously wrong.

Honestly, I didn’t try to dig too deeply into what I’ve been missing, but I did manage to fight through my depression and found a batch of recent things worth mentioning before returning to fucking off.


The last time a band’s merchandising ploy pulled me up short was when Ghost B.C. started selling dildos and butt plugs. But it happened again yesterday when, thanks to a link sent my way by The Autistic Metalhead, I discovered that Italy’s Fleshgod Apocalypse had started selling their own brand of pasta. It’s true. They’ve got four varieties and they’re shipping worldwide. In my case, it would cost 28 Euro, plus 20 Euro for shipping and handling.

I’m a ginormous fan of FA and I have a history of spending money on ridiculous things, but even I have my limits. An online currency converter tells me that it would cost $65.24 to have this pasta delivered to my door. I looked to see if the pasta was made from fetal tissue or human skin, y’know, because this is billed as extreme food, but since it just appears to be… pasta… I think I’ll pass. But hey, if you’re tempted, you can order here:



We published not one but two reviews of Vallenfyre’s 2011 debut death-doom opus, A Fragile King, in addition to a shitload of other posts about Vallenfyre after we first discovered their existence. For me, that album was one of 2011’s highlights. If Vallenfyre is a new name to you, check out the line-up:

Gregor Mackintosh (Paradise Lost) – vocals
Hamish Glencross (My Dying Bride) – guitar
Scoot (Doom, Extinction of Mankind) – bass
Adrian Erlandsson (At the Gates, Paradise Lost, The Haunted) – drums
Mully (a local friend of Gregor’s) – second guitar

What I discovered yesterday is that we’ll be writing about Vallenfyre again — because they announced last week that they’ll be recording a second album in January, with none other than Kurt Ballou (Converge). It’s projected for release next April by Century Media. Hell yes.



I spotted the following announcement from Nile on Facebook, which refers to the flyer you see above:

Can you spot the special announcement in this photo? Post your thoughts in the comments! / We are looking forward to touring North America once again this April and May with 27 shows supported by three of the best local bands in every market. On this tour we will play a massive set with music spanning our entire career, including several Never-Before–Heard –Live Nile Songs!

Exclusive pre-sale tickets are available now at

I can dig that. In case you can’t read the flyer, here are the dates:

4/14 Atlanta, GA @ The Masquerade
4/15 Baltimore, MD @ Soundstage
4/16 Albany, NY @ Bogie’s
4/18 Rochester, NY @ Montage Music Hall
4/20 New York City, NY @ Stage 48
4/21 Montreal, QC @ FouFounes
4/22 Quebec City, QC @ Imperial de Quebec
4/23 Ottawa, ON @ Mavericks
4/24 Toronto, ON @ Opera House
4/25 Cleveland, OH @ Agora Ballroom
4/26 Milwaukee, WI @ Rave
4/27 Joliet, IL @ Mojoes
4/29 Denver, CO @ Bluebird Theater
5/1 Vancouver, BC @ Rickshaw Theater
5/2 Seattle, WA @ El Corazon
5/3 Portland, OR @ Hawthorne Theatre
5/6 West Hollywood, CA @ House of Blues
5/7 Tempe, AZ @ Club Red
5/8 Las Vegas, NV @ LVCS
5/10 Oklahoma City, OK @ The Chameleon Room
5/11 Dallas, TX @ Trees
5/12 San Antonio, TC @ Green Room
5/13 Houston, TX @ Scout Bar
5/14 New Orleans, LA @ Siberia
5/15 Tampa, FL @ Orpheum


Okay, enough with the news, how about some music? Here are three new songs I heard yesterday.



If you don’t know about Virginia’s Cannabis Corpse already, I’ll just quote the band’s own description of themselves: “weed-themed death metal band honoring the Floridian fathers of the genre”. And you know who they’re talking about, don’t you?

On January 7 they’re releasing a split with Ghoul via the Tankcrimes label. Last week CVLT Nation premiered one of the new tracks from the split, “Shatter Their Bongs”. This is both funny and awesome, because these dudes can really play. The split can be pre-ordered HERE.




Goatcraft is a one-man band from San Antonio, Texas. Goatcraft’s second album is named The Blasphemer. It will be released next year by I, Voidhanger Records. According to an announcement I saw, “The album is divided in four sections, each one with a central theme based on William Blake’s art and theological interpretations.” It includes, for example, a four-part piece named “The Great Red Dragon”.

Here is the album’s third track, which began streaming recently. I’m quite taken with it. There is only one instrument.




Defect Designer are a multinational band whose frontman and songwriter Dmitry Soukhinin was originally from Novosibirsk in SIberian Russia and now dwells in Oslo, Norway. For their second album, the band enlisted drummer Flo Mounier (Cryptopsy) as well as Greek guitarist Stelios Mavromitis. Over the weekend they released a lyric video for a new song named “Yellow Grimace”.

The video was directed and edited by Richard Oakes of DarkFable Media, and it’s fun to watch. But you’d better watch closely, because the words fly by really quickly — and so does the blazing, head-scrambling music.



  1. The Cannabis Corpse, Goatcraft, and Defect Designer tracks are both pretty solid, for very different reasons.

    I totally wish that pasta wasn’t so bloody expensive to get in the States; that might be the strangest “merch” I’ve heard of.

    I’m totally psyched for that new Vallenfyre, not because of them (their debut was pretty decent, but nothing I couldn’t live without), but because I’ve learned that anything Kurt Ballou touches turns to gold, or at least has the most massive toms in the multiverse.

    In closing, Dammit Nile, and forget you, LA.

    • San Diego clearly needs some kind of civic marketing initiative for metal. Cities give huge tax breaks for businesses all the time, to attract them or keep them from leaving. Comparatively speaking, it would be dirt cheap to induce metal bands to come to a city. Fuck, just offering to buy them enchiladas and give them a place to shower would probably do it.

      • It’s honestly probably a lack of any good places for metal. The best option we have is the House of Blues. Beyond that you have to deal with a repurposed movie theater in the middle of nowhere or a couple of bad I can’t get into. You’d think more bands would play San Diego on tours that go to LA/OC anyway though, since you can make as much revenue as you would on a normal night with smaller travel costs (gas, smaller time window for something in the van to inevitably combust),

        But yes, enchiladas and showers would definitely help out cause. Don’t bands know we have the best Mexican food in the country for the price of a Big Mac?

  2. That pasta seems like something out of a Fark Photoshop contest. It’s absurd.

    Extreme rice! Twelve points go to whoever gets that reference.

  3. That pasta is begging to be served in a black squid ink sauce. Or maybe with some goat braised in Fleshgod Apocalypse wine. But at those prices, I think I’ll pass.

    I guess now that metal bands having their own brand of beer or wine has become rather commonplace, bands have got to push the envelope in terms of merchandising. What’s next – Cannibal Corpse brand gummi entrails?

    I am stupidly excited about the new Vallenfyre album – I loved their debut.

  4. love the new Cannabis Corpse and Defect Designer

  5. Ghoul? I thought they broke up years ago.

  6. Ahahaha, i love the description of the Vallenfyre members. you have guys from My Dying Bride, Pradise Lost, At the Gates, and other near-legendary bands. Then there is Mully. “a local friend of Gregor’s”

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