I got your soft serve right here. Dig in!
You know what “click bait” is, don’t you? You can’t spend any time web surfing without running into it. It’s like a dog turd on the sidewalk, except with ice cream on top to disguise the turd. It’s a way of writing headlines for web posts that will lure people into clicking through the links so the web-page proprietors will get more page views and earn a few extra nano-pennies of advertising. The headlines are always way over the top and sometimes downright false or misleading — the old bait-and-switch in the internet age.
I’m sick of seeing them on Facebook, even though I know what they are and never click on them. Well, almost never. I seem unable to resist any headline that includes the words “nude” and “Scarlett Johansson” in the same sentence. But maybe I’m being too moralistic.
I’m starting to see other metal sites use click-bait headlines. Maybe we should, too. Maybe people have become so inundated with this shit that if you don’t tell them whatever you’re writing about will make them cum immediately, they’ll figure it’s not worth their time. While we don’t advertise or make money from anything else we do, we do get a lot of psychic gratification from our traffic numbers. So maybe it’s time to join the crowd.
I thought I’d give you some test examples, just to see how it might go over. What do you think?
(Most of these are only slightly modified examples of click bait I’ve come across recently in my Facebook news feed.)
I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW AMAZING THIS IS! I AM IN TEARS, MAKE SURE YOUR SOUND IS TURNED ON!
SO BEAUTIFUL! THIS IS A VIDEO EVERYONE NEEDS TO SEE! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I’M SPEECHLESS
12 TIMELESS TRACKS (I LITERALLY DIED WHEN I HEARD #9)
It’s only one track, but it’s worth 12 of most other bands’. Fuck your #9.
SHOULD THIS BE BANNED? THE NEBRASKA LEGISLATURE THINKS SO.
VAMPIRISM IS REAL! PROVEN BY NEW SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE!
BLOOD CLOTS WHILE ON TESTOSTERONE THERAPY? LEARN MORE HERE!
SUPER HOT PICS OF GLEN BENTON THAT YOU’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE!
REVEALED! THE SECRET PRAYER SESSIONS OF FAMOUS GOD HATERS!
Why stop with one Glen Benton pic when you can have two.
HEIL HITLER! YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS FAMOUS METAL BAND’S SECRET SWASTIKA LOVE!
Yeah, I bet you thought it was going to be another metal band.
It’s possible you will actually cum when you hear this.