Are you like me? Have you felt an emptiness in your life because no one has ever made a Black Metal Viking Biker-film With Zombies? Have you given up hope that this void will ever be filled? Well, don’t give up! Stop thinking about opening your femoral artery with a straight razor and just bleeding out with tears in your eyes over the cruelty of life — a brighter day is just around the corner! Your hopeless dreams may yet come true.
Yes, it’s true. A Black Metal Viking Biker-film With Zombies is in pre-production. Its title is Saga, and it stars none other than Ted Skjellum, better known to metal fans as Nocturno Culto, one of the Darkthrone duo, a member of Sarke, and a former stalwart in Satyricon. This isn’t Skjellum’s first adventure in film-making — in 2007 he released a documentary film about black metal and life in Norway called The Misanthrope — but as far as I know, it’s his first turn as an actor. He will be collaborating with writer, producer, director and photographer Jorn Steen.
In Saga, Culto will play a director of metal music videos who makes a feature-length Viking movie based upon the northern classic Eyrbyggja Saga. In the story, a dead Viking breaks out of his tomb during filming and terrorizes the locals at the shooting location. Culto will also get to ride a Moto Guzzi in the film.
Is your heart skipping a beat over this news? Well, don’t get too excited just yet, because although all the actors are lined up and the locations are being prepared, there’s still a need for money. Isn’t there always. But you can help!