Apr 222011

I don’t know why I’m posting about this. It’s not news that I give two shits about, and we usually avoid posts that just make fun of people. On the other hand, when people make themselves look ridiculous without any assistance from us, then I guess it’s fair game. And I suppose this could be considered “newsworthy” in the sense that it’s further confirmation that Revolver magazine and everything associated with it has become an utter irrelevancy to metal as it exists today.

So, after the jump, you can see the list of award winners at “America’s only hard-rock and heavy-metal award show” presented on April 21 at Club Nokia in beautiful downtown Los Angeles. (Can that really be true?!?  Fuck, NCS should start its own award show just so Revolver can never honestly use that line again.)

And to make myself feel better about this otherwise worthless post, here is some REAL news — this post that appeared on the Anaal Nathrakh Facebook page last night: “Today we got a USA booking agent and we are workin on a USA tour!”

The full list of winners and presenters for the third annual Revolver Golden Gods Awards is as follows:

* Golden God Award: Alice Cooper (presented by Rob Zombie)

* Ronnie James Dio Lifetime Achievement Award: MÖTLEY CRÜE (presented by Corey Taylor of SLIPKNOT/STONE SOUR)

* Honorary Headbanger Award: William Shatner (presented by Scott Ian of ANTHRAX and THE DAMNED THINGS and comedian Brian Posehn)

* Best Guitarists Award: Synyster Gates and Zacky Vengeance of AVENGED SEVENFOLD (presented by Robb Flynn of MACHINE HEAD and Wayne Static of STATIC X)

* Best Drummer Award: Mike Portnoy for his work with AVENGED SEVENFOLD (presented by Vinnie Paul of PANTERA/HELLYEAH)

* Best New Band Award: BLACK VEIL BRIDES (presented by Duff McKagan of LOADED/VELVET REVOLVER/GUNS N’ ROSES)

* Most Metal Athlete Award: Skateboarder Mike Vallely (presented by Chino Moreno of Deftones)

* Best Vocalist Award: M. Shadows of AVENGED SEVENFOLD (presented by Taylor Momsen of THE PRETTY RECKLESS and Sebastian Bach)

* Best Live Band Award: RAMMSTEIN (presented by Charlie Benante of ANTHRAX and Mike Portnoy)

* Comeback of the Year Award: MURDERDOLLS (presented by David Coverdale of WHITESNAKE)

* Album of the Year Award: AVENGED SEVENFOLD‘s “Nightmare” (presented by Jerry Cantrell and Mike Inez of ALICE IN CHAINS)


  1. Jesus, did the Avenged Sevenfold and management pay off Revolver? That’s fucking pathetic and is a insult to blatant homerism everywhere.

    Revovler needs remove Avenged Sevenfolds dick from their mouth. Nightmare isn’t even their best album. I guess all the publicity surrounding their drummer’s death (while sad) really influenced people’s judgement about the album.

    • I think you may be onto something there. Maybe all Revolver needs to do to make this show interesting is rename the awards: The “Remove Your Dick From My Mouth Award”: Avenged Sevenfold. Now we just need Phro to come up with new names for the rest of the awards.

  2. I don’t like A7F. Actually, the only band I like that won is Rammstein. They do have a pretty good live gig. They played in a 300-capacity concert house here in Boise many years ago, and it quite literally blew me away. All I remember is it rocked and it was about 200 degrees in that venue. Explosions are cool.

  3. I like giving Alice Cooper an award, but jesus, A7X? and FUCK the Black Veil Brides.

  4. The Number of the Blog had a post of Black Veil Brides. It looks like somebody took Motley Crue and put them in wannabe black metal clothes designed by a hipster. It’s truly terrifying.


    • Kill me now.

      Best New Band??? This is one of those bands who you can take one look at and just know, to an absolute moral certainty, that their music will be unoriginal and will blow donkey dicks. In fact, I am so certain that I will not watch any of those videos at TNOTB. Because I don’t want to watch or listen to donkey dicks being blown.

  5. Wow… Sounds like alot of half ass pissed off musicians that wouldn’t know good music if it came out of your blow-up dolls plastic pussy… Are hating on a7x! Bunch of bitches! Although I have to say it’s funny as hell to listen to you complain. Pathetic really .

  6. Decibel should be doing this reward… not Revolver.

    And where’s Phro… have you guys noticed this article’s lack of Phro-ness despite the fact that he was referred to in two comments above?

  7. Cantrell and Inez had to wash their hands after giving the award…Avenged Sevenfold are so lame.

  8. I borrowed it… You need it back?

  9. Deaths embrace , not very original are you?

    • About as original as “Ur Mom Licks My Sack”

      At least I am not begging for validation using a bunch of juvenile insults from a bunch of posters who had the audacity to “dis” your band.

      If you want to proclaim Avenged Sevenfolds greatness, go hang out with people who share your opinion.

  10. Going to comment on the only part worth commenting on. I can’t fucking wait for an Anaal Nathrakh US tour.

  11. Sorry!!! It’s been a busy week!

    Im on my phone so I’ll just say i wish a revolver were presenting the awards. Of a fucking bullet to the skull.
    Motley fucking crue got a lifetime achievement award…IN DIO’S NAME!?

    I don’t mind A7X…but they haven’t done anything to be proud of since they anally raped ur mom licks my sack with a splintery balsa wood dildo and a snake skeleton and performed schizer porn in his gapping hungry mouth.

    • LMFAO, as I knew I would. Shit.

      • Comeback of the year is the murderdolls? Who did they let cum on their backs to get that!?

        Sorry, cheap shot. Like getting your ass licked my a scat hungry wednesday the 13th.

        Okay, i actually liked their first cd. And bourbon crow is pretty good.
        But how the fuck do they deserve an award!? How many great bands reformed last year?

        Fuck you revolver. Just…..fuck you in your empty eye sockets and die of cumbrain.

        • Alice Cooper, Motley Crue, Murderdolls, Black Veil Brides. This should be called The Revolver Eye-Liner awards. Not that i have anything against eye-liner. My blow-up plastic doll wears eye-liner.

  12. They havent done anything great!? And your comparing this to what? What greatness are you comparing that to? And by the way my mother enjoyed everyminute of it. And bout the blow up sheep… She really a virgin?

    • It’s true, still virgin! As for A7X, I don’t hate them myself but we’re talkin’ about Metal awards. They haven’t done anything that even comes close to a lot of the Metal that should have been up for these awards. This can be kinda verified from their popularity with “the kids” and radio play, both are signs of mass commercial appeal and that really isn’t what Metal is about. I won’t even say they aren’t Metal because they have their moments, but the upset around here comes from the snubbing of Metal that is more intricately writen and capably performed in favor of pop metal. I can personally relate to your frustration,see, I’m a Marilyn Manson fan, But, I understand that if Manson wins a Metal award then the validity of that award must be questioned, as Manson is only Metal to those who aren’t familiar enough with the genre to know the difference. I hope that made somekind of sense 🙂

      • I said I don’t mind A7X. I think I liked that song bat city, but I’m not entirely certain.

        Byrd36 said everything I wanted to say, but without the dick jokes.

        I love me some big, floppy donkey dicks.

      • Byrd summed up my feelings perfectly.

      • I can totally respect that , and actually agree with you to a certain extent . Im sure it’s totally obvious , there my favorite band and am extremely biased to them . I never clamed to be fair in my rants… I’m just stubborn .The only thing I don’t get is where someone would say there not technical. Going and learning alot of the Revs drum parts was pretty challenging. But I do see the argument for there being more bands to pick from for the awards.

  13. I do agree about the eye liner awards revlon must have stock in revolver.

  14. Not begging for valadation just enjoy good healthy debate, if I tried that with my wife I would be divorced .

    • Divorce isn’t so bad. After the depression and angry, the younger girls are not only appealing, but also guilt free.

      Well, until the police catch you.

      Wait, that’s not what I meant!

  15. @ Ur mom licks my sack:

    I gotta compliment you for hanging in there dude, and not taking all this too seriously. But it will be easier to figure out who you’re responding to if you click the “reply” links that appear right after the comments you’re answering so they get nested in a thread with those comments, instead of the “Your Comment” box at the bottom of the page. Just for future reference, cuz you should come back here and give us some words on other posts when the spirit moves you . . .

    • Thanks for the advice , I guess the secrets out I’m not to computer savvy . That’s pretty bad not noticing the reply button. In my defense, I do this from my I phone. So the excuse I couldn’t see it, may work. I guess I shouldn’t have come in insults a blazin trying to be funny on my 1st post . But it’s fun messin with folks and getting someone to do it back. Truth is I love metal and found a cool site to mess around with. So tell me everyone … Who do u think should have been nominated for the category’s ?

      • Nevermore.

        Especially for the categories they weren’t elligible for.

        I am still in mourning.

        • Pretty surprising (at least to me) and depressing development to see that band disintegrate — well, maybe the band hasn’t disintegrated, but it sure won’t be the same band in the future.

          • I didn’t know that Loomis left the band until now. This comes as quite a shock to me as I’ve always thought that Loomis was the heart of the band. I could imagine Nevermore without Warrel Dane, even though his distintive style is a huge part of what makes Nevermore Nevermoe, but I can’t imagine Nevermore without Loomis.

      • In your defense, I will say that there’s no way I would attempt to navigate the comments on this site by phone. I tried it once and totally fucked it up, and I run the damned thing!

        As for who should have been nominated, that’s a big subject — might be a good one for me to use for a separate post, and see what people say, though maybe we’ll get some thoughts in this comment section.

      • I agree with Alice Cooper’s nod for Golden God
        Lifetime achievement maybe Iron Maiden
        Best guitars John Cobbett and Christy Cather of Ludicra
        Best drummer Jamie Saint Merant of Ulcerate or Simone Piras of Hour of Penance
        Best new band Son of Aurelius
        Best vocalist Christian Älvestam of Solution .45
        Best live band Goatwhore
        Best album, I’ve become obssessed with Watain’s Lawless Darkness
        Best comeback Cephalic Carnage for Misled by Certainty
        And piss on honorary headbangers and metal athletes, respectfully of course 🙂

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