Here’s the news you’ve all been waiting for . . .
Sponsoring tours is old hat to big-boy metal sites like MetalSucks, but it’s a dream come true for us. We are so fucking proud to announce the first-ever NCS-sponsored nationwide metal tour, which kicks off on September 1 — and man, have we lined up some radical acts for this baby. It’s like a dream line-up for us, headlined by the awesome, penetrating extremity that is Massive Wall of Penis.
Some of these names may not be as familiar to you as MWOP, but trust us, from top to bottom, this bill is as strong as a big, stiff . . . uh . . . thing of stiffness. We’ve got those masters of old-school Swe-death, Thor’s Uterus. We’ve got the dominatrix-fronted grind of Trollcock Fetish. We’ve got the tentacle-metal of Raging Hectocotylus (the actual multi-orifice penetration on stage is not to be missed).
And let’s not forget about the brutal death metal served up by the inimitable Putrid Fugue, who refuse to bathe beginning a month before a tour starts until a month after it ends and eat nothing but cold canned chili on the road. Fans have been known to faint from the stench when these dudes take the stage!
We’ve also got that demented Pink Floyd cover band, Dildo Resin. If you haven’t heard their tech-death take on “Dark Side of the Moon”, you’re in for a fucken treat. And to get these shows off on the right foot, we’ve scored Cephalopodic Sperm Packets as the opening act, with their namesake fluid sound of dank, sticky, Neurosis-style sludge and their projectile fluid canisters to get the moshpit good and lubed up for the remaining acts.
Trust us, this tour will blow your shit away. Check the schedule after the jump to find the tour stop nearest you.
Before we get to the schedule, we need to give credit for that stupendously awesome tour poster:
Original Artwork by Reynold Brown | Manipulated by Dan Arena (Dormition Designs)
Thank you Dan for helping out on this project!. And now, for the schedule.
We could have taken this turgid steamroller through big cities coast-to-coast, flattening them like a fucking good pancake, because here at NCS, we’re made of money and we like to flatten. But we’re all about promoting underground metal, and so we’re focusing on underground locations for fans who don’t normally get a chance to see bands of this caliber, cuz that’s just the kind of trve metalheads we are.
Check out the schedule so far. Specific venue information and how to buy advance tickets will be forthcoming in the weeks ahead, and if we get sufficient demand, we might be able to bring this thing to some additional stops, too.
NCS PRESENTS THE FUCKING GOOD PANCAKE TOUR
9/1 Humptulips, Washington
9/2 Boring, Oregon
9/3 Weed, California
9/4 Roach, Nevada
9/5 Hygiene, Colorado
9/6 Spread Eagle, Wisconsin
9/7 Hell, Michigan
9/8 Fleatown, Ohio
9/9 French Lick, Indiana
9/10 Colon, Nebraska
9/11 Slaughterville, Oklahoma
9/12 Knob Lick, Missouri
9/13 Monkey Run, Missouri
9/14 Possum Grape, Arkansas
9/15 Chocolate Bayou, Texas
9/16 Hooker Hole, Louisiana
9/17 Screamer, Alabama
9/18 Sopchoppy, Florida
9/19 Climax, North Carolina
9/20 Boogertown, North Carolina
9/21 New Erection, Virginia
9/22 Bumpass, Virginia
9/23 Assawoman Bay, Maryland
9/24 Intercourse, Pennsylvania
9/25 Virginville, Pennsylvania
9/26 Blue Ball, Pennsylvania
9/27 Dicktown, New Jersey