Aug 242011

Well now, when you offer to send people free t-shirts, the least you can do is give them an update, so they don’t think you’re just fuckin’ with them after a too-late night in the neighborhood watering hole.

If we were a really top-flight, professional web site that had discovered ways of milking our traffic for actual monetary gain, we’d have our shit together. We’d already have the fuckin’ shirts made and in the mail. However, as I think I’ve made clear, we’re just a broke-down, jake-leg, half-assed labor of love created by an impulsive cretin (me) plus some other people who actually have a brain but remarkably still send me writings to publish. With no advertising, because, well . . just fuck that raw.

That means that we’re not a smoothly functioning, well-oiled machine. We don’t yet have a contract with a shirt-screen-printer to make the shirts we’re giving away, because we spend too much time listening to music and not enough time making arrangements to print shirts. BUT, we’re pretty damned close to getting that part of this project done.

The main point I want to convey is that WE DON’T FUCKIN’ LIE WHEN IT COMES TO MASSIVE WALL OF PENIS! We WILL be sending the shirts out. Just give us a little more time. By the way, remarkably enough, we still haven’t maxed out on our limit of 100 shirts. So, if you think your gramma wants a shirt with Cephalopodic Sperm Packets right on the front for her birthday (and what else can you think of to give your gramma for birthday?), hit us up.

And, y’know, if she wants a shirt with Sperm Howitzer on the front, you’ll just have to tell her to be patient. It will come. That will be the next shirt. Tell her it’s a reason to live.

  64 Responses to “NCS T-SHIRT UPDATE”

  1. “Tell her it’s a reason to live.”

    Ever since the Great Ear Fucking Accident of ’49, gran’ma ain’t heard too good…but she’ll B’s happy fer that’s encouragement, you c’n betcha. Said she’d b’ Damn proud RA’s wear them sperm packets on her saggy ol’ titties like a red badge o’ courage.

    • So glad that despite you’re in Japan you still know what an American redneck (really, what other kind is there?) sounds like. Do Japanese people think Americans in general sound like that?

      • Hahaha! Well, i grew up on a farm in rural hell (close to Nebraska, but not quite there), so that’s how i start talking if provoked.

        Most Japanese can’t really differentiate between American, British, Australian, Canadian, and New Zealand accents….but neither can I.

        I think the higher level people can kinda get like a Texan accent though.

        • As a native Texan, I can say this is the only reason I have survived.

          • By wearing big belt buckles???

            I want a big belt buckles. With a tiny derringer hidden in it.

            • I haven’t tried wearing the big belt buckles in Seattle. But I do wear the cowboy boots every day, just because I grew up wearing them. I get stares, but I’m not sure it has anything to do with the boots. And anyway, “fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke” has always been a good motto for me.

              • I don’t really like wearing cowboy boots. Maybe I’ve just never found a pair that fit me well.

                Work boots on the other hand. That’s all I wear. I don’t get sneakers…they provide shitty support and they wear out WAY too easily. Nothing like a good pair of Red Wings or Wolverines to last you a couple of years.

                • I don’t know how much of my love for boots is actual comfort and how much is just having worn them for so long that I’d feel like someone else if I didn’t have them on. I actually did buy a pair of Red WIngs once upon a time. I think those things would survive a nuclear war, though it’s unlikely I would.

                  • I’ve had my current pair for about three years. Only in the last few months have they started to show any real wear…mostly on the inside where the cloth is getting torn from putting them on and taking them off so much.

                    Goddamn you, Japan!

              • I’m that one guys that likes knee-high combat boots with buckles and winklepickers. Although I’m quite picky about boots and shoes…

        • Wow… I didn’t know I sounded so British… I feel like I have a sexy British accent now lol.

          • It’s not that any of us necessarily sound one like we have one accent or another…

            It’s more like Japanese people think we all sound the same.

            And I kinda agree with them.

            Also, being in Japan really fucks with your ability to identify accents, because everyone starts to slowly adopt the “standard American English accent”. Which, being a stupid American, is incredibly baffling to me. There’s a standard American accent??? Is it a combination of US accents and Canadian accents???

            Either way, Australians often note that they lose their Aussie-ness. And thank the octogods for that. Who can understand them Antipodeans anyway!?!

            (I know there are some Australian readers here, so I want to emphasize that I’m just joking. Except, seriously, what the fuck are you guys saying??)

            • Australians are the descendants of castaways, indentured servants, and criminals. But aren’t we all?

              I’ve wondered (a lot) what we Americans sound like to people outside America. I mean, other than sounding like morons. I’m reminded of that immortal line from “Blazing Saddles”: “authentic frontier gibberish”. And proud of it!

              • I ended up talking to a French fellow in Harajuku yesterday. (His daughters decided
                they wanted to play with the girliefriend and myself.) I spent the entire time thinking:
                “I hope I’m not living up to every fucking stereotype he has of Americans right now.”

                I probably was.

  2. No probs Islander!

    Y’know since I’m in college now, I ordered a messenger bag, and I have the idea of putting a bunch of band patches on it. I’m not sure if I’m going to put a back patch on it though… one: because it takes up a lot of room, and two: because it’s called a BACK patch, and if I go putting it on a messenger bag, well… I can’t promise my OCD won’t drive me to have it removed from the bag.

    • Wouldn’t it be better to just wear it? Why go to the trouble of cutting and sewing? (Maybe I’m just lazy.)

      Also, what are you planning to study, if you don’t mind me asking.

      • Lol. I don’t know how to sow, so I suppose I’m going to get a place nearby that provides the service to do it for me; besides, I’ve been looking for an excuse to buy patches, and since I can’t yet get that black denim vest I want (it doesn’t really have all that much space for patches if one were to put a back patch on it anyway), why not put them on a bookbag?

        Well, I’m planning on studying to be a high school social studies teacher.

        • Okay, fine, you win with logic. But watch your back kid! Some day, maybe, possibly, in the future where zombies rule and octopus overlords hate math, logic won’t be there to watch your back!!

          (I have no idea what that means…I just write what they tell me to write.)

          That’s an oddly specific thing to study. I’m not knocking it! In fact, I think it’s awesome! Teaching is, in my brain-addled opinion, the single greatest/most important job on the planet. It also seems like it could very well suck giant floppy donkey dick. Whatever. Good for you!

          • How I love your imaginatively imaginative imagination… it never gets old! (I realize that might sound vaguely sarcastic, I don’t mean it to be, I mean that sincerely).

            Yeah, I just need to keep what the show Ancient Aliens is teaching me out of my mind during classes so I don’t end up telling the students that some ancient astronaut(s) came to Earth, dramatically influenced our culture and/or lifestyle (is there a difference?) and is/are the reason why we/they/both they and us cooperatively built such megalithic structures.

            Ohhhh… the future is doomed to be strewn with millions of believers in the ancient astronaut theory. Either that, or I’ll be laughed out of the classroom by my own students.

      • Do you have something against sewing? Are you some kind of sewing fascist? Do you think it’s not metal to sew?

        • Sewing CAN be metal…but only if you use a really old Swinger that requires the use of those bitchin’ foot peddles.

        • I think Phro’s right, I’m not saying I know a lot about the subject, because really, I don’t, and I am basing this statement on ONE incidence that I can recall… but I think you’d be surprised by how many metalheads sew their own patches on. I know, one metalhead sowing his own patches on isn’t a great sample of the population, but it’s one of those things I have a feeling about.

          On a completely unrelated note I’d like to call dibs (until futher notice) on writing a review for the next Cattle Decap album if you’ll accept it. Based on my Facebook newsfeed, Travis Ryan was talking with Wes Benscoter about the art concept and he says that this is Wes’ most positive reaction yet. I believe he also said something like “more news coming soon.”

          • Dude, that review is yours if you want it. I still have vivid memories of my one and only Cattle Decap show. I didn’t know whether to shit or go blind. Definitely a one-of-a-kind band.

            • YES! They’ve been like one of my favorites since I got “The Harvest Floor.” To date that’s the only full-length release I have from them (I have one song from “Karma. Bloody. Karma.”), and probably the only album I’ve kept in heavy rotation for like a year… at least I think that’s how long I kept it in rotation… when I say rotation I mean randomly listened to random songs randomly, not really listened to the album all the way through.

              Thanks Islander!

          • I have great respect for sewing. Kind of like the great respect I have for ninja swordcraft. You know, things that if you tried it yourself, you would either kill yourself or spend the rest of your life in a wheelchair. I’m highly confident that if I tried to sew a patch with a sewing machine, I’d stitch the mother right into the fleshy part between my fingers.

            • I was a weird kid, so I enjoyed sewing when I was in elementary school.

              I made pillows, pants, and a pterodactyl with dowels, old flour bags and some string.

              But I can’t sew by hand…not even a fucking button.

              • You sewed string? I’m glad you learned Japanese. Sewing string sounds like a dead-end job. The kind of job where alcoholism is a job requirement.

              • You were weird too?! Wait… I’m still weird…


                I have a strange likeness for moths. I even had a pet moth not too long ago, he lived in our house from like late fall to early/mid spring. I named him Wilbur and I saved his life on like three seperate occasions, once he got stuck on his wings in a wet sink, another time he fell in the dogs’ water dish, and another time I think I saved him from my doberman. He lived a pretty long life for being a lepidoptera, butterflies and moths usually live about two weeks or over winter… I know he lived over winter, but it seemed like he was alive from a bit before winter to a good bit afterwards.

                • I think you’re giving Phro a real run for his money in the weirdness department. I named something Wilber once, too, but I think it was a piece of navel lint.

                  • That takes the cake for weird…

                    I’d never save a moth…

                    I’m pretty sure I’ve never named anything Wilbur…

                    And we had pigs!!

            • Back in my younger days I had a friend/bandmate who got really into the whole sewing thing. I think it started small, with like some velcro cable ties or something. But soon he was fabricating bags for carrying cymbal stands and such. Not me: I could manage a patch or small repair job, but never using a machine; those things are very intimidating.

              Utmu you could always put a back patch on the back of your bag. Duh.

              Islander, cool about the t-shirt thing. I am off to see Pentagram tomorrow, and had originally thought I’d wear the NCS FGPT shirt if I had it by then, but no problem, there are more shows coming up and hence more opportunities.

              One last thing- is there some kind of option for “subscribe to comments” or “notify on replies”? I’ve. Looked around but maybe I’m just not seeing it…

              • Good question. I just assumed anyone who registered with this site and posted a comment would automatically get an e-mail alert whenever someone else added a comment on the same post. I’ll have to check into this and I’ll write again when I figure out the answer. You’d think I’d know, but I don’t (I get e-mail alerts whenever a comment appears anywhere on NCS, but I guess that’s because I’m an admin for the site).

              • I just added a plug-in that should allow people to subscribe to comments. Let m eknow if you don’t see it with the comment box.

  3. I have class tomorrow, so I’ma go to bed. Talk to you guys tomorrow/soonish.

  4. Hi. I did read about the tour NCS is supposed to be sponsoring. But what is this shirt thing you guys are doing? I think this is the first time I have commented in months, sorry. Although you probably didn’t notice haha. Also, I skimmed the conversation you guys had… I thought all metalheads sewed on their own patches? I didn’t know you could take a patch to a place and have them sew it on for you lol.

    • Nice to hear from you again! Yes, we’re giving away black t-shirts with the fake tour poster on the front. At the moment, we’re only sending it to people in the US and Canada, but may send to other countries in the future. Anyway, I’m not sure where you are, but if you’re interested in a shirt, all anyone has to do is write me with a mailing address and shirt size:

  5. Oooh! I wanna write a review! The new Arkona album is coming out on my birthday! [boner]

    I think I now have a subject for my Master’s… metalhead sewing circles.

  6. It’s fake? Soooo, when did this happen? Why are you guys giving away free shirts?

  7. Why are you/you guys being so nice as to give away shirts? Aw, y’all are so nice 🙂

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