Sep 282011

(I have no idea how to introduce this post.  I’ll just tell you that Phro wrote it, and leave it at that.)

Forest Gump’s mother (apparently, according to legends that are older than time…or at least, possibly, Google) claimed that life is like a box of chocolates and you never know which one is full of roofies.  (It’s all of them, if I gave you them.  Seriously, go ahead, here, have one.  The ol’ tentacledick ain’t gonna rub one out all by itself, you know.  Time for you to get off the couch and contribute to society just like your pappy always wanted.)

But, you know, I’ve never been a fan of chocolates, so fuck you and your goddamn Valentine’s Day.  (A side note: in Japan, on Valentine’s Day, only the girls give chocolate to the boys.  A month later, the boys are supposed to return the favor.  And a month after that, anyone who got nothing is supposed to go eat black noodles.  I like to pretend it’s all a metaphor for tentacle rape, but I have no idea what black noodles have to do with tentacle rape.  I’ll have to get back to you…)

I am, however, a fan of poop.  (I can hear your gasps of surprise ALL THE WAY OVER HERE.  Knock it off.  You sound like mouth breathers orgasming.) Well, I also recently noticed that YouTube links have no identifying information in the link itself.  So, if someone posts a link without telling you what it is, you literally have no idea until you click it.  I’ve decided to use this to my advantage.  (And yours as well!)

So, combining my love of poop and random videos, I give you: BOX O’ POOPS!  (I know it’s not really in box shape or anything, but I’m not getting paid for this and I really suck with graphic design.  No, wait, actually, I just suck AT life.)

So eat my chocolate hole, asswad.

Hah!  I punned!

For our first poop taster, I give you something that is both infectious and possibly deadly.

For the next poop taster, I give you something tangential.  (See if you can figure out the tangent!)

And next, I shall give you something to chill you out.

Well, now, how about something to make your little bits feel a bit littler?

Hmmm…how about something to make you feel old and curmudgeonly.

How about something romantic???

And finally, something to a bit intellectual and high brow to make you feel all smart.

Well, that concludes today’s round of Box O’ Poops.  If you scatmunchers have enjoyed todays festivities, maybe I’ll do it again sometime.

Hehehehehehehe!  Scatmuncher.  You munch scat.

  22 Responses to “BOX O’POOPS!”

  1. Aww… What happened to my beautiful poop jpegs?

  2. Poop, Phorest, poop!

  3. PONPONPmy ears, my eyes, my eyeees!!NPONPONPON

    • I have to admit that I love that song. It’s like black tar heroin and I know it pokes holes in my brain every time I listen to it…and yet…I can’t stop listening to it.


  4. I have many things to say about this fecal smorgasbord, but I don’t want to be busting out spoilers for anyone. Oh, the dilemma!

    • Also, will remember to skip NCS reviews posted here in the future as I have seen enough low quality MS Paint jpegs of poop in my time.

      • No, you haven’t.

        I guarantee no one will ever see enough low quality Linux Version of MS Paint jpegs of poop.

        There is not enough time in the universe. In fact, just close down all the universities and let’s all stare at jpeg poop!

        (Also, I laughed really hard.)

      • LOLed til green slime came out my butt.

    • I would say that you could say whatever you want, as long as you don’t mention specific song names.

      Like: oh, that one song where they’re all like PONPONPON makes my eyes and ears bleed, but I still love it!

      But really, if anyone skips to the comments without listening first on their own, it’s not out problem.


      • 1. I actually didn’t mind the PONPONPON….but honestly my first reaction was “ZOMG IS THAT A BOX OF FIDDLE FADDLE??

        2. I can’t figure out the tangent as they are both quite obviously drug induced.

        3. One of the side links when I watched it was for Vomitory. Serendipitous!

        4. You mentioned this band’s name in a previous post. I assumed it was some more Phro verbal gymnasturbating. I forgot the Japanese.

        5. The girl in this video made my codpiece flex….or that might have been thoughts of sweaty lounge singers humping on leopard print sheets.

        6. Filming a video inside a box made out of glory holes = genius.

        7. Made me shit myself laughing. And thus the circle of poop is complete.

        • The tangent with number two is actually pretty out there… What I was hoping people would think is: “Why is there country on a metal website? Oh, wait, that’s Hank III, who originally got big in Super Joint Ritual, which is obviously a metal band!”

          Number six is possibly my most favorite Japanese band…but number four is fighting them for the spot.

          The entire series in number 7 is AMAZING.

  5. Flagitious Idiosyncrasy in the Dilapidation – pure fucking awesomeness! Thanks Phro for showing me the way of female Japanese grindcore! Just wish there was a tentacle monster around in the crowd of the show 😉

  6. Is it strange that I’m kinda hungry now. O.o I think its because of the box of chocolate at the top.

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