Nov 082011

I haven’t been keeping tabs on metal news while mellowing out here in cloudland. But I have been checking my e-mail every now and then, and e-mails have brought news, so I’ve pulled together a few items in this post, just to keep my hand in, y’know? I’m starting with the really important news.


Thanks to Jeimssi, who’s in Finland, I have a link to a news article about a brawl. This has probably been picked up by other metal blogs already, but I have something they don’t have. I have a Google Translate rendition of the report about the incident that appeared in the Finnish press. And we know from past experience that there are few things funnier than what Google Translate produces when you let it work on the Finnish language. So, without further ado, here’s the “translated” report about British metal band bandwagon-jumpers Bring Me the Horizon and their scuffle with members of the crowd in Helsinki a couple days ago. The original article appeared here, and there’s a video clip at the end.

The British band Bring Me the Horizon guitarist raged in The Circus gig at a restaurant on Sunday evening.

A man upset the audience came herjasta fists and stormed up to fight among the general public. Who was on the viewer says that the first stage guitarist rose to the security fence on top of the audience and tried to tear him down.  (more after the jump . . .)

– He threw the players with the stage and jumped in the fight among the general public, there was a man says.

According to witnesses, someone got a few people properly nyrkistä skirmish. Also the band’s singer and roadie rushed out of the fray. Eventually, Cirkus, stewards were the situation brought under control.

There was also the editor of Sound, Timo Isoaho, who writes of the incident as follows:

– Guitarist Jona Weinhof suddenly threw her cane field technician, jumped over the gang and became a passion to beat up one of the representatives of the public. The singer was a band mate Sykes jumped to accompany the microphone as a weapon, but the staff was to end skirmish in the bud.

Twitter, the guitarist was forced to Weinhof Meilahti hospital murrettuaan hand brawl apparently as a result. He also published a picture of the network in plaster from his hand.

Circus denies

Gig was a man told Iltalehti, that after the incident Bring Me the Horizon went on for a while to play. Rähinän likely due to the stage, however, cut off electricity, and finally the evening Machine Head headlined the main stage.

Bring Me the Horizon is currently in the European tour, which ends in early December in Manchester, England.

Circus CEO Niko Frost Hill on Monday denied Iltalehti no incident occurred.

Melee, however, also described video:

See, wasn’t that fun? Now on to more newsworthy newsiness.


I’m an Obscura fan, and I know many of you are, too, so this press release I received yesterday seemed worth repeating here. It came with a video, too:

“The wildly-progressive German metal quartet OBSCURA has announced their first ever demo collection, entitled Illegimitation’ and set to be released independently by the band this March.  The collection will include ten never-before-heard tracks, including the band’s earliest recordings from 2003, unreleased songs from the Cosmogenesis sessions of 2006, and brand new cover songs with the newest line-up from 2011.

“Sticking to their reputation of being one of the genre’s most forward-thinking bands, OBSCURA have decided to release a special, limited-time pre-order for Illegimitation’ through  The album’s tracklisting, cover art, and numerous, unique packages are available directly from the band now at this location.”


Demisery is Keith Merrow’s death metal project. TheMadIsraeli wrote a short alert about Demisery’s debut album here. As of yesterday, the entire thing began streaming exclusively at MetalSucks. I’ve just started listening to it, and it sounds righteous. TheMadIsraeli will have a review in the near future. To transport yourself to MetalSucks and listen, click on this awesome piece of album art:

And last but not least . . .


My e-mail in-box yesterday also included this. I’m composing a reply in my mind . . .

Mrs. Joy Gardner (From London, UK )

I am Mrs. Joy Gardner; widow of late Mr. Graham Gardner who was among passengers aboard Air France Flight 447 that crashed in the Atlantic Ocean en route from Rio de Janeiro Brazil to Paris France on 01/06/2009 killing all 216 passengers and 12 crew members including my husband. You can get details of the plane crash through the web link below.—-55-bodies-recovered–Complete-List-of-Passengers.html

I am presently undergoing medical treatment for ovarian cancer in a Hospital but recently, my Doctor told me that my condition has worsened and it is obvious I may not survive unless by special grace of God .

We were married for twelve years without children though we were both Christians. Before the death of my husband, he had deposited a sum of Tow Million, five hundred thousand (2,500,000 Euro) in a Prime bank hoping to set up trust fund. Presently, the money is still with the Bank unclaimed.

For this I decided to donate the fund for humanitarian purposes through a church, God fearing individual or organization that will use it to support orphanage homes, old people’s homes, widows and propagation of word of God.

I took this decision because we don’t have children that will inherit the money and my husband had earlier decided to establish trust fund before his untimely death.

I therefore request you to accept this proposal and help me to achieve my heart desire by receiving the fund and carrying out the humanitarian projects as appointed administrator. If you accept this offer, you will be entitled to 10% of the 2.5 Million Euro as your running cost or compensation, while the balance should be used for humanitarian projects.

If you will be of assistance to me, please reply immediately. I will surely appreciate and thank you for your kindness in giving me this help.

Yours sincerely

Mrs. Joy Gardner.

  30 Responses to “A SMATTERING OF NEWS”

  1. Don’t call that band metal. Bandwagon jumpers of the highest order.

  2. First of all, how much is tow million again?
    Second of all, how the hell do you keep attracting such hilarious spam?

  3. More news. Gojira is in the studio recording their next album

  4. That Demisery record may be my favorite death metal album of the year. Looking forward to reviewing it.

  5. Jesus, what is it with Oli Sykes and fighting with audience members? This is the second or third one I’ve heard of in the past couple months. Also, is it just me, or is it a little unprofessional to stop the show and whine at people who are booing you? He did that before the fight at the Salt Lake City (I think) show as well.

  6. Bring Me The Horizon is a gigantic laughingstock and I’m had a slight aneurysm when I saw the Obscura section.

  7. You’re checking your email? I know just what to send you!

    • OH! Holy!! I think everytime I’ve seen something about that Obscura thing I’ve thought Revocation, and I’m not a huge fan of Revocation based on what I’ve heard… but it’s Obscura! I’m interested now.

  8. Regarding Joy Gardner…. Didn’t you get an e-mail from a lawyer trying to make a deal to split the money from another passenger on that plane? Or was that a different flight that went down and had the balls to kill some lawyers’s rich client?

    The text courtesy of Google Translate wasn’t really entertaining, but it shows how far automated translation software has yet to go when it comes to sentence structure, word order and grammar in general. No pancakes today.

    • There have been two plane crashes that I remember from previous missives, and I haven’t yet made time to see if this is one of those — though I will. There seems to be no end to multimillionaires who go down in airborne fireballs leaving no heirs and tons of dough to be given away.

      And if we ever get anything like another “fucking good pancake” out of Google Translate, I’ll be amazed. Things that good just can’t come along very often.

  9. Oh dear lord… Reading the translation was as awkward as it’s to have a conversation about contraception with your half-deaf, one-eyed grandma.
    In future, if the situation requires so, i’ll be happy to try and translate from Fin to Eng. Obviously the chances of getting sweet pancake translations are much smaller, but perhaps the message itself gets passed by more accurately, maybe.

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