Jan 082013

(Like the title says, Andy Synn wrote this.)

You may have noticed that there are simply so many awesome albums released each year that even the nigh-omnipotent forces of NCS can’t cover them all. So in acknowledgement of this I’m inaugurating a new column, which will be produced whenever the hell I feel like it, in order to sneak in some mini-reviews of releases we’ve otherwise missed, or wouldn’t otherwise get a chance to review in full.

Welcome to “Reviews in Haikus”



Black prog vibrations

Savage sounds, strange atmospheres

Cultivate the seed




Back in the saddle

Black hearts beat a hardcore groove

Deep into the Dirt




Prog nerds? Maybe so

Gorgeous moody melody

Simple and sublime


  1. Before my coffee
    Haiku brightens winter morn
    Please do this often

  2. I agree as well
    Minimalist review shines
    More haiku reviews

  3. My time is precious
    This new idea rocks hard
    More of this please, thanks

  4. Spires album cover
    Is that a tree that I see?
    Must give a listen

  5. This sweet nostalgia
    I once loved doing these at

    • Old Man Windbreaker says:

      “Nostalgia indeed;
      But that was not a Haiku,
      …Perhaps. I’m not sure.

      Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cock, Bitch, Tits,
      Potatoes, Fried Fish.
      I suck at Haiku.”

    • I forgot that the Professor used to do these.

      The actual idea came from a throwaway line of Israel’s on the super-secret forum reserved for high ranking members of the NoCleaninati…

      Oh crap, I shouldn’t have typed that. Well, I suppose I can just delete it. Wait, why am I clicking “Submit Comment”?

  6. Damn this haiku
    Must I now comment in verse?
    Counting on hurts brain

  7. Ingenious concept.
    Discovered one new gem.
    Thank you Andy!

    Need to give the VOD another spin, one of my faves from the 90s, I also heard Earth Crisis are now on candlelight!

  8. Two rather pompous remarks:

    1. “Prog nerds? Maybe.” is only four syllables, cheater.

    2. It’s technically only haiku if the theme involves nature. Otherwise, it’s senryu.

    And a few less pompous remarks:

    Great concept, well executed (minus the cheating)! I laughed aloud at the VOD one.

    Secondly, I love that God Seed album.

    Lastly, I really enjoyed that Spires track. It’s a style of music I usually don’t like except when I do.

    • I’m glad someone is keeping a sharp eye on Andy. Especially someone who actually knows something about haiku.

    • I never noticed that, but it’s meant to be “Prog Nerds? Maybe so” at least that’s what I wrote down originally. At some point I’ve over-zealously edited that one! Thank you for catching it.

      Did you get the subtle pun in the VOD one?

      • I guess the pun is too subtle for me, although that’s not saying much. Is VOD familiarity required to pick up on it?

        • It probably was a pun only I would get, unfortunately.

          Does it help if I say that V.O.D. have been referred to as a hardcore Alice In Chains before now?

          • Yep, that does the trick. I don’t know much about them and wouldn’t have made an AIC connection based on that track by itself.

            Well played, sir. I hope you keep doing these.

  9. Thanks for the review,
    It’s Paul from Spires, by the way
    Nice concept, do more!

  10. Spires seemed like a familiar name. So, One decided to look them up on the Encyclopaedia Metallum.
    One seems to have listened to parts of their first album, Spiral of Ascension, and forgotten about it. Quite shameful for Old Man Windbreaker to forget such music. ( ._.)
    One also remembered the band Baring Teeth upon rediscovering these guys, for some reason. [They play a kind of Technical Death Metal similar to Gorguts and Ulcerate, if anyone is interested.]

    Note to editor: It should be Lucid Abstractions, not Lucid Abstactions. One is not sure what “abstactions” means; and One is hoping that Phro doesn’t know either. (O_o)

    • Thanks for catching Andy’s grotesque typographical error. I, of course, noticed it immediately but chose to do nothing as a way of teaching Andy to be more careful in proofreading his own work and to test how closely our readers peruse our posts.

      • Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck
        You. Right in the place where the
        Sun will never shine

        • Your usage of the phrase “the place where Sun will never shine” here is flawed.
          If you are talking about his posterior orifice, you can count on the lorises, Phro, VonLughlio, or Oneself to make certain that sunshine enters through, at some point in the future.
          If you are talking about the city where he resides, One is fairly certain that Seattle does indeed receive sunshine some time during the year. Although One wonders how anything can be fucked “right in (Seattle)”.

        • There’s a lot of love up in here.

          And yes, I’m talking about the place where the sun don’t shine.

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