Apr 172013

Damn, this caught me off guard. As announced yesterday (but not yet with much fanfare): On December 8, 2013, at an institution of higher learning named Northumbria University in the town of Newcastle on Tyne in England, a tremendous line-up of metal bands will be performing on two stages. The event is named The Northern Darkness Extreme Music Festival 2013, which is a good name, because it’s definitely northern and it will most likely be dark there in December . . . and the bands are pretty damned dark, too. Check this line-up, which isn’t even complete yet:

Napalm Death (UK)
Graveworm (Italy)
Ragnarok (Norway)
Enthroned (Belgium)
Melechesh (Jerusalem)
Unfathomable Ruination (UK)
Hour of Penance (Italy)
Primitive Graven Image (UK)
Dyscarnate (UK)
Xerath (UK)

I’ve heard of Newcastle Brown Ale, but being a halfwit from Seattle I had no idea where Newcastle on Tyne was located, so I looked it up. It’s way the hell up in the northeast of England, about eight miles from the North Sea and not far from the Scottish border. Did you know that Venom came from Newcastle?

Anyway, it probably doesn’t do me much good to know where Newcastle is, because, as the crow flies, it’s about 4500 mile from Seattle. But according to this site:

If you were in a car and maintained an average speed of 60 mph (96 kmh) over the course of your journey it would take you around 76.2 hours to get from Seattle to Newcastle Upon Tyne

Things like Oceans, Seas, Rivers and Mountain ranges would have a bit of an impact on these estimates, so please dont take these literally!

Well fuck that, I want to take it literally. Now who’s up for giving me a ride? I’ll split the gas and buy the Ding Dongs at truck stops.

The festival organizers still haven’t named the headliner on the main stage, and there will be other names added to the line-up, too. For more details, follow what happens at one of these places:





  1. I am desperately going to try and wrangle our way onto this…

    (although as I have already seen I’m going to be competing against loads of bands we consider friends or compatriots!)

    • Fuck!!! I’d even be tempted to drive up from London for this, that line-up is GOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come on Andy, make sure you get your mob on there!

  2. wai aye man

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