Like all human beings (at least the ones who are alive), I have a temper. I try to keep it in check. Most of the time I succeed. I try not to inflict harm or wish harm on anyone, no matter how big a diseased dick they might be. Most of the time I succeed. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself, and sometimes losing your temper is the most effective way of dealing with a problem. But for unimportant annoyances, that’s generally the wrong answer.
Over the years I’ve learned lots of techniques for letting pointless bullshit roll off me. Deep breaths help. Walking away helps. Sometimes returning bullshit with kindness can be disarming.
But sometimes my head is thinking… I wish you had explosive diarrhea… I wish you were being butt-raped by an anteater… I wish you had to live with someone like you… I wish you were dead….
But as of today I have learned a new mental technique for dealing with bullshit that doesn’t involve wishing harm on whatever jerk is stoking my temper. It’s a new kind of wish… and it allows me to play some music on the site, which we haven’t done at all this weekend. We really can’t let the weekend end without some metal. So, allow me to present Cycle Sluts From Hell and their 1991 hit…
How I managed to get so far along in life without hearing this song is a mystery. As for the band, I quote The Font of All Human Knowledge:
“The Cycle Sluts from Hell were an American heavy metal band from the late 1980s to early 1990s. They were only together briefly but are remembered for their name. The band comprised four women singing under the stage names Queen Vixen, She-Fire of Ice, Honey One Percenter and Venus Penis Crusher, backed by various musicians most notable among them Pete Lisa, Christopher Moffett, Tom Von Doom, Fernando Rosario, Brian Smith, Scott DuBoys, Bobby Gustafson (Overkill), Eddie Coen (Sick Of It All).”
Hmmm, someone pissed you off and you found new (to you) music.
How you went this long without knowing the Cycle Sluts is a great mystery.
Actually, I wasn’t pissed off. I just saw the video when a friend posted it on FB, and it dawned on me that this would be a much better thing to think about the next time I do get pissed off. Which really doesn’t happen very often.
I want to sneak into your house and pee in your Cheerios so you’ll have a reason to be pissed off.
I wish you were a beer.
You wish I were a bear?
I get that a lot.
I wish you had reading glasses.
But then I would be able to read this map and I could show up at your house with that bucket of donkey spunk I promised you all those years ago.
Only a bucket? You’re still holding out on me.
i’ve worked in an office full of lazy idiots for the last nine years, so i’ve had plenty of practice at resisting the urge to strangle the living shit out of someone. blasting Cannibal Corpse in my earbuds does wonders for relieving stress.
the Cycle Sluts song is pretty cool, too 🙂
One of the best attributes of extreme metal: the delivery of catharsis.
This phrase is engraved on the door of my house! (That’s why the neighbours know better than knocking when the music is blasting…)
On the contrary i listen to calming music, say for post rock when i am angry. And listen to heavier stuff when i am in a lazy mood. Pumps me up yes.
I was a senior in High school when this came out. Fun song. Always liked Honey 1%er.