Jul 262015



(Father Synn has been shirking his ministerial duties lately. We trust he has duly administered chastisement to his flesh. And now he is again ready for your flesh. Share your metal confessions in the comments. This is not a request.)

Forgive me my children, for I have synned… it has been one whole month since our last confessional. Truly it is a poor shepherd who neglects his flock for so long. Woe be upon me if any of you have been led astray in the meantime.

My only excuse, the only caveat I can offer… is that I’ve been off enjoying myself and getting drunk quite a few times… so suck it.

As always, let my sins be the shining light leading you on the path to redemption!


confessional-loon church


  1. I missed out on seeing the sheer brilliance of Stargazer last week due to an unfortunate mix of work pressures and an unexpected death in the family.
  2. I’ve not listened to an Iron Maiden album since 2006’s A Matter of Life and Death
  3. I have a terrible habit of putting items in my Bandcamp cart and then forgetting to actually buy them.
  4. I’ve seen enough bass + drum only acts to last me the rest of my days.
  5. There is still no excuse for Manowar.




  1. 1. I’ve never listened to an Iron Maiden album.
    2. I hate Slayer
    3. I hate thrash in general.

    • Truly my child, the word of Maiden should be heard by all.

      May I recommend (and this will surely prove an unconventional choice, by the standards of many) “A Matter of Life and Death”?

      I feel that it nicely encapsulates Maiden’s transition towards a more Proggy, considered sound (which may appeal if you have not been drawn in by their more… bombastic… famous singles)/

  2. 1. There is still no excuse for Manowar indeed!
    2.. I don’t like Iron Maiden.

  3. I’m sincerely thinking about skipping Summer Slaughter this year, one of two tours hitting a non-21+ San Diego venue all summer, in lieu of seeing Morrissey with my mom.

    • Considering that Summer Slaughter lineup…Id take Morrissey too

      • I mean, Cattle Decapitation is about half the reason I would be going (Obscura and Beyond Creation seem interesting, and my friend likes Arch Enemy, while I don’t have any strongly negative opinions about them).

        But yes, probably more than half of the lineup is painfully bad.

        • I never, ever, enjoyed Cattle Decapitation. I actually consider them to be one of the worse bands in Metal history. Just my thoughts.

          • Worry not, my son. Your blasphemous thoughts shall be considered and forgiven here in this holy place.

            I recommend flagellating yourself with an uncooked rack of ribs for… say… three hours a day, until clarity is yours.


            • I hereby task thee with the holy duty of following Patrick around for the next week saying “SHAME” every time he comments*.

              It’s the only way he’ll learn!

              (* Don’t actually do this)

          • Im going to agree with Patrick…I find Cattle Decapitation to be painfully overrated

  4. Who the hell dosnt like or has never listened to Iron Maiden?…

    …This series of articles actually causes me physical pain

  5. 1: I have not listened to much new/new to me music in the past month, but what I have heard I enjoyed The Cherry Coke $ the most.
    2: The ritual is probably my favourite Testament record.
    3: I haven’t listened to a new Iron Maiden record since Brave New World.
    4: I find the Black Dahlia Murder to be ok at best.
    5: I fought the law, and the law won.

  6. 1. I have never listened to an Iron Maiden album. The whole sound, image and everything just doesn’t resonate with me.
    2. I’ve been enjoying Cradle of Filth’s new album quite a lot and I think it’s the best thing they’ve done since Midian.
    3. I’m psyched for Chelsea Wolfe’s new album far more than any (true) metal release of late.

    • You do know theirs an irony to be loving the new Cradle of Filth, while disliking Maiden, right? Not that I blame you, but it is ironically amusing.

      • Musically, they’re quite different of course. But I see what you’re getting at and you’re absolutely right.

    • 2. Well, when the bar’s set that low…

      • You think so? I actually think only Nymphetamine and Thornography are overall weak, I highly enjoyed their other releases.

        But I know that’s a rare opinion

    • Likes Cradle of Filth, but has problems with Iron Maidens image…

      …So when exactly does Rod Serling show up and tell me Im in the Twilight Zone?

      • Have you seen any scary doors or weird mirrors lately?

      • Let me elaborate: it’s more that the album covers and the such from Iron Maiden just look.. kinda lame and outdated to me. The whole low budget B-movie zombie thing going on on the album covers just initiates a very strong ‘NOPE’ in me.

        Say what you will, but CoF’s album covers are pretty neat to me 🙂

        Haha and I know I might be the wrong person to have an opinion about this – since I appreciate Dani’s wailing and shrieking – but I absolutely despise the high pitched over-the-top ’80s heavy metal singing.

        • Paul Di’Anno…the singer on the first two Maiden albums does not do high pitched vocals…Yes, he’s melodic and he had a bit of range back then (his voice is pretty shot now), but he had a rougher more rock oriented style of singing than what youre thinking of…on the scale of singing he’s closer to Lemmy than Rob Halford

          That being said, I was like you for awhile..didnt like clean vocals at all because they sounded “cheesy”, but truthfully its just like anything else in metal…your ear sometimes needs time to adjust to what youre hearing. I mean, this isnt Power Metal…its not all done in some incredibly high register that only dogs can hear..its just very dynamic and uses melody far more than the extreme styles do.

          Dont dismiss it outright, give some regular old heavy metal a try and give your ear a chance to adapt to it..you might find some great albums out there

          • Good points.

            I wouldn’t go so far to say I dismiss them completely, I just haven’t gotten to the point of myself liking it. But then again, maybe I should give it a more conscious chance.

            Any tips what to try?

            • Yeah sure..check out:

              Enforcer (Sweden)

              Manilla Road (USA)

              Raven (United Kingdom)

              Ranger (Finland)

              Ambush (Sweden)

              Iron Maiden (dont bother with anything after Seventh Son of a Seventh Son)

              Blind Guardian (Only the first three, they transition into a Power Metal after that)


              Mercyful Fate (First two albums…Kings vocals can be hard to get into but stick with it because the music is awesome)

  7. #1- i’ve finally figured out that there’s no point in my buying albums that contain mostly clean vocals, no matter how much i enjoy listening to their singles, watching their videos are seeing them live. if i buy the album i’ll listen to about 2 or 3 tracks and switch to something else. but i buy an album like Amputory’s “Ode to Gore” i’ll listen to it from start to finish, sometimes multiple times in a single day. Sorry clean singers.
    #2 – Which brings me to the point of Iron Maiden. i LOVE Iron Maiden and i think all of their albums are FANTASTIC. but i can’t listen to them anymore. Because #1.

  8. I do not like Iron Maiden, at all. When I first heard of them, they were playing in Spain, and I thought they were a joke band, like GWAR. While I do think their historical lyrical aspects are interesting, and very British, I could never get into it. I am glad they exist though, as they influenced many of my favorite bands.

    I actually enjoy Manowar, in a non-ironic way. Have you not heard Heart of Steel? Its SO DAMN GOOD!

  9. Ahhhh, finally back father.

    1. I saw the Manowar “Kings of Metal” CD in the store the other day and didn’t smash it or throw it in the trash.

    2. I heard the albums Effigy of the Forgotten and Pierced From Within for the very first time this week.

    3. I haven’t heard the new Outre or Sulphur Aeon albums yet.

  10. 1. the more I listen to Slayer, the less interested I become in them.
    2. I’ve only enjoyed one Manowar song, and to this day that song haunts me still
    3. I’ve never been a fan of Raw Black Metal. no matter how hard I try, I just cannot get into it.
    4. Iron Maiden have been a Okay band for me at best.

  11. 1. I have never listened to nor owned an album by Black Sabbath.

    2. “Signs of Life” by Devastation is, in my opinion, one of the best thrash records of all time.

    3. I find Eyehategod to be almost completely unlistenable.

    4. I have always loved, and still do, the 1987 debut album by japanese cock rock band EZO.

    5. The first concert I ever saw was Run-DMC / Fat Boys / Whodini / Grandmaster Flash.

  12. 1. I have been enjoying Japanese power metal way too much lately. Specially Galnyerus’ Angel of Salvation. It’s derivative, unoriginal and cheesy as all hell but goddamn its catchy.
    2. I’m not big on any NWOBHM bands.

  13. I thought I had sinned oh Father… and then I read these other posts and the thought took hold ‘nay, I have but seen the true light.. blasphemers!’

    And with that thought, I’ll just leave this here:
    …. a nice all clean-singing acoustic cover of Iron Maiden from an album I have doth enjoyed muchly. If we fail to honour our history o brothers and sister.. we are all doomed I say… doomed! And so rejoice in these dulcet tones and when we meet on the shores of the river Styx, you may convey your eternal gratitude then 😉

    • I’m going to push you in and hold your head under until the bubbles stop.

      It’s the only way you’ll learn.

  14. I think Dickinson’s vocals are the worst part of Maiden and it seems like he’s just yelling out of tune a lot.

    If an album is too dynamically compressed, I’ll chuck it and don’t even care about the writing or performances.

    I don’t understand the point of YouTube musicians (Fluff, Rob Scallon, Jared Dines etc) that don’t release actual original music. They’re the video equivalent of the Guitar Center riffmaster.

    I suspect a lot of metal is listened to solely because the listener wants people to think they’re cool. But then I think that I think that because I’m not cool.

 Leave a Reply

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>



This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.