(Would you wanna run into these dudes in a dark alley? I think Phro would. Yes, we have a guest-review from the tentacle master hisself. Which means that if you have children, they need to be locked up in the next county before you read this. And if you don’t have children, well just write that off the list of your life goals. My anus feels raw just reading this.)

12:24…12:24…12:24…12:25…

The red glow of the alarm clock filled my room like an over-sized cock slapping you in the face.  It wouldn’t go away, and it wouldn’t let you forget that it was there.  And it kind of made my head hurt.

I closed my eyes again and rubbed them—wait.  Why were my hands covered in warm…liquid.  Oh, god, I thought, not a-fucking-gain…what the hell happened here??

I slowly rolled onto my belly and felt something poking my hip.  It felt squishy.  I assumed that was not good.  After sighing dejectedly, I pushed myself to my feet and attempted to find the light switch.  The moment light bathed the room I vomited like a dog chewing on grass.

Let’s back up 24 minutes.  (more after the jump . . . oh yes . . . much, much more) Continue reading »