Jun 052012


Here is what will happen:

You will watch this video. You will be tempted to stop it almost immediately, but you’ll be in “what the fuck am I seeing?” mode just long enough for the song to change gears and then you’ll get sucked in, but then you’ll still want to vomit and have to swallow a little spew because everything about it is offensive, from the band’s name to the lyrics to the music, but you’ll keep watching, and then you’ll play it again and then you’ll go watch the video of the song that’s got the lyrics on the screen, and then you’ll walk around the rest of the day humming to yourself, “Is anyone up?” or maybe “your pussy, your boobies, on the world wide web”, and you’ll hate yourself for doing that and then you’ll hate me for making you hate yourself, and you’ll wonder what you did to deserve having this video inflicted on you, and then you’ll remember that thing you paid to watch on your computer the other night when you thought no one would know and then you’ll realize that I know everything you do and you’ll be afraid I’ll use what I know to extort sexual favors and you’ll hate me more and you’ll want to leave some really insulting comments which I will enjoy reading, and it will dawn on you that you’ve fallen into a sadomasochistic relationship with NCS from which you can’t escape, and then you’ll hate me some more.

Okay, okay, I suppose there’s an infinitesimally small chance my prediction is wrong. It could be that you’ll just shut this thing off within 10 seconds and go straight to the hating me part. Either way, you’ll hate me. But I’ll make it up to you — you’ll see. This is how I’ll make it up to you: Continue reading »