Sep 052011

(Trollfiend is back with another guest contribution. Smokin’ a bowl before writing is clearly a winning literary formula.)

Let me preface this jibba-jabba by saying that I am not, normally, a fan of stoner or doom metal.  The reason behind this is simple: I have a tiny, walnut-sized bladder.  Now I know what you’re thinking: “did he really just fucking quote Mr. T?” Yes, yes I did, and I have only disdain for the ignoramus who doesn’t think Mr. T is awesome.

You might also be wondering what having a tiny, walnut-sized bladder has to do with stoner/doom metal.  The answer is simple biology: I don’t have the nephrotic fortitude to sit through an 11-minute long song.  I like my metal like I like my women: fast, punishing, and in a 16-year monogamous relationship (hi, honey!).  The thing is, if you’re playing with potheads in mind, you have to take into account the hallucinogenic time dilation that occurs with a good burn… even 90-second ‘core songs feel like they last hours (or maybe that’s just because I don’t like ‘core).  Conversely, you have the ‘elastic distortion effect’, or what is commonly known as ‘I smoked a bowl 15 minutes before work and suddenly I’m six hours late’ syndrome.  Most stoner and many doom bands take this latter approach, which is fine if you like grim, trudging, sludgy darkness but not so great if you have to whiz every five minutes.

One of the few bands that fits my rigorous “short enough to bridge pee breaks” rule is Detroit, Michigan’s Acid Witch. I can’t remember where I first stumbled across this band, probably thanks to the heavy marijuana use I enjoyed throughout my high school years, which has severely damaged my short term memory.  And my long term memory.  And is responsible for the extra forty pounds I’m now lugging around.  But anyway…back to the review. (after the jump . . .) Continue reading »