Aug 302011

If you’re like me, you could stand to shed a few unwanted pounds. You get in the habit of drinking a few too many beers on a regular basis, you let your diet go to hell, you sit on your ass for too many hours every day, and before you know it your previously sleek self with the body that made members of the opposite sex, or the same sex, pant after you like dogs in heat has become something that causes you to get rid of all the bathroom mirrors.

But don’t abandon hope! You, too, can have a body like Ola Lindgren, the only constant member of Grave, the legendary Swedish death-metal band. Lindgren is somewhere in his 40s and undoubtedly has decades of crap food and heavy drinking behind him. But that hasn’t stopped Lindgren from staying in fighting trim, with sculpted abs and the kind of body-fat percentage that would make a marathoner jealous.

Some of you would probably guess that Lindgren stays in shape by burning thousands of calories performing on stage in a rigorous touring schedule. But that would be wrong. You don’t have to be a popular death metal musician and vocalist to stay in shape. All it takes is the right diet.

And now, for the first time, Ola Lindgren has revealed the secrets of staying trim in the underground metal scene, with daily diet regimens that will take off those unwanted pounds and keep them off! Yes, you too can have a body like Ola Lindgren’s, and all you have to do is subscribe to “Lindgren’s Health Blog 666”. (more after the jump . . .)

Yes, after years of questions and pleas for help from Grave’s overweight fanbase, Lindgren has stepped up and started a blog that records his daily intake of food. As he explains in the Introduction:

This page is created to keep y’all up to date about how to get and maintain a metal/olympic swimmer body.

I will try to update everyday but on tour it might not be possible due to lack of internet connection in certain backwards parts of certain backwards countries.

And yesterday, Lindgren posted his first daily record of bodily intake. There’s no reason why you, too, can’t emulate this formula for success in your personal appearance. Here’s the Lindgren run-down from Monday:

DAY ONE . . .

Started the morning with Coffee, 4 cigarettes, a Corona and one zip of water.

Lunch: Roast pork sandwich and a Mountain Dew.

Dinner/Frenzy: Baconwrapped Pigs in a blanket, Beans, Blackened Cajun fish, Cornbread, Coleslaw, Sangria, Gin & Juice, Corona’s, Coffee.

Break for some laps in the pool while enjoying a beer and cigarettes..

Continuing the dinner: 2 kinds of killer Steak, Beans, Baked potatoes, Sour cream and bread, Gin & Juice, Corona’s.
Dessert: Chocolate cake

Total cigarettes today: About 28
Total alcohol intake: Too much to remember . . .

I don’t know about you, but I’m already consuming a rough approximation of this diet without even realizing it! I just need a little tweaking, and I’m there — I need to get my pigs-in-a-blanket with the bacon wrap, drink a few more Corona’s, and add the zip of water. I’m soooo ready to watch those extra pounds start to melt away.

Do what I’m going to do, and start following Ola’s health blog at this location. Happy dieting!

47 Responses to “THE LINDGREN DIET”

  1. Phro says:

    After all the fucking trouble I went to to quit smoking…shit.

  2. Trollfiend says:

    I’m on the “Hookers and Blow” diet. I haven’t lost any weight, but I don’t care.

  3. TheMadIsraeli says:

    This man is pure metal. Love it.

  4. Xero says:

    YOU GUYS ARE MY NEW HEROES… I HAVE NEVER ENJOYED READING ANYTHING SO MUCH!!!! ( CAPS because I was that excited… )

  5. […] into doom territory, slowing to a crawl while the riffs keep on ripping. Meanwhile singer/guitarist/testament-to-unclean-living Ola Lindgren proves he can out-bellow just about everyone as he spits out some especially scathing […]

  6. […] into doom territory, slowing to a crawl while the riffs keep on ripping. Meanwhile singer/guitarist/testament-to-unclean-living Ola Lindgren proves he can out-bellow just about everyone as he spits out some especially scathing […]

  7. […] into doom territory, slowing to a crawl while the riffs keep on ripping. Meanwhile singer/guitarist/testament-to-unclean-living Ola Lindgren proves he can out-bellow just about everyone as he spits out some especially scathing […]

  8. […] into doom territory, slowing to a crawl while the riffs keep on ripping. Meanwhile singer/guitarist/testament-to-unclean-living Ola Lindgren proves he can out-bellow just about everyone as he spits out some especially scathing […]

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