Sep 022010

Sometimes you can admire the idea of beauty from afar, even when you have no chance of experiencing it for yourself. It’s a melancholy kind of fantasy. It’s sublime, and it’s wistful at the same time. It makes you wish, for a moment and maybe longer, that you were someone else, in some different place.

We had that moment today. We have that moment almost every day, prompted by one thing or another. But it passes, as it must, because life must go on, and no good comes from pining too long over what might have been.

Today’s moment was provoked by finding out, finally, about where the following metal tour would be stopping in North America. It will be called THE DECIBEL DEFIANCE TOUR 2010. It is a thing of immense and terrible beauty. It features these bands:


The thought of this tour transports us into flights of ecstasy, as if soaring high above the earth with all of creation spread before us for the taking. In other words, for our tastes, it’s the most fucking skull-rattling, ass-kicking, intestinally perforating tour of the fall.

It’s also a very melancholy discovery. For all the flights of mental fancy, it brings us very low. At the end, it’s an excrutiacingly suck-tastic discovery. Can you guess why?  (more whining after the jump, of course . . .)

You probably guessed right: Because, the fucking tour isn’t stopping in Seattle. Not even close. The tour is stopping in fucking Tulsa, but not in Seattle. Nothing against the fine people of Tulsa, but give us a fucking break.

We can imagine some of you are saying something like this: “Quit your fucking whining! You sound like a bunch of hungry, obnoxious children. You’ll get to see more bands in a month than those of us here in Muleshoe, Texas will see in our lifetimes, so grow the fuck up!”

To which we would say: “We have to feel sorry for ourselves, because if we don’t, who will?”

Where were we? Oh yeah, that miserable tour schedule. Maybe you live in a place more felicitously placed for accessing the awesomeness of these assembled bands. It pains us to do this, but on that chance, and because we love all of you who spend a few minutes at this site every day, we’re publishing the fucking dates and venues below.

If you live within spitting distance of one of these stops, we hope you enjoy it.  We will now go hang ourselves.

Oct. 15 – Worcester, MA @ The Palladium (Rock And Shock)
Oct. 16 – New York, NY @ Gramercy Theatre
Oct. 17 – Quebec City, QC @ Imperial Theater
Oct. 18 – Montreal, QC @ Foufounes
Oct. 19 – Jonquiere, QC @ Place Nikitoutagan
Oct. 20 – Toronto, ON @ Opera House
Oct. 21 – Poughkeepsie, NY @ The Chance
Oct. 22 – Detroit, MI @ Harpos
Oct. 23 – Chicago, IL @ Clearwater Theatre
Oct. 24 – St. Paul, MN @ Station 4
Oct. 25 – Milwaukee, WI @ The Rave
Oct. 27 – Denver, CO @ Summit Music Hall
Oct. 28 – Salt Lake City, UT @ [to be announced]
Oct. 29 – Las Vegas, NV @ The Farm
Oct. 30 – Pomona, CA @ The Glasshouse
Oct. 31 – Los Angeles, CA @ The Whisky
Nov. 01 – Phoenix, AZ @ The Clubhouse
Nov. 02 – Albuquerque, NM @ Fusion Factory
Nov. 03 – Amarillo, TX @ Club Khaos
Nov. 04 – Tulsa, OK @ Marquee Theatre
Nov. 05 – Austin, TX @ Emo’s
Nov. 06 – Ft. Worth, TX @ Ridglea Theatre
Nov. 08 – Tampa, FL @ Brass Mug
Nov. 09 – Jacksonville, FL @ The Pit
Nov. 10 – Raleigh, NC @ Volume 11
Nov. 11 – Philadelphia, PA @ Polaris
Nov. 12 – Springfield, VA @ Jaxx
Nov. 13 – Allentown, PA @ Crocodile Rock

Goddamn it, this is really hard to let go of. People in fucking Poughkeepsie will get to see this show, and instead our consolation is to read that El Corazon has just posted a new Sept 20 show headlined — headlined, mind you — by a band called Poke Da Squid.

Fuck, hanging will take too long to arrange. We’ll just do some shots of Liquid Plummer. Fuck.

  5 Responses to “IT’S BEAUTIFUL — AND IT SUCKS”

  1. I saw those tour dates and the gutshot that followed was crippling. I don’t know what’s worse: knowing that this spectacularly awesome tour will come nowhere near you, or is withing spitting distance but still out of reach. I live just under an hour from Houston. My craptacular car can make that journey. It cannot, however make the 2 hour journey to Austin, or the 2.5 hour journey to Fort Worth. I am so close I can taste it, but logistics are forcing my hand to not be able to go. Sucktastic indeed.

    So which is worse? To be so close to metal heaven yet so fucking far away. Or just fucking far away.

    • I feel your pain. In fact, you feel my pain. I’m still sitting here staring at that schedule, and realizing that my best bet is Salt Lake City, which is like a 15-hour drive from Seattle, if you don’t stop to pee. Ain’t gonna happen. I’m still pathetically hoping they’ll add some stops. But with my luck, it will probably be Muleshoe.,

  2. I’m in Eugene, a mere 14 hours from SLC, and honestly, I’m considering the drive.

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