Sep 012010

International cooperation is a great thing, particularly when it involves coma-inducing food.

Last weekend, I got into a discussion on this site with Niek, the lead perpetrator of Death Metal Baboon – he’s all the way over in The Netherlands – about burgers (a subject near and dear to his heart). A post we put up at NCS featuring Goatwhore got Niek all steamed up for the stuff and in the comments on that post, he shared a recipe for richly topped burgers, including pineapple, bacon, Gouda cheese, and cheese-onion buns.

Niek went on to create the stuff, and he put up links to burger photos in his NCS comments. Well, that pushed me over the edge — those babies looked so fucking good that I had to follow suit.  I hunted down almost all the required ingredients, including the Grolsch beer that Niek included in his burger photographs, and I and 3 other ravenous gluttons made those burgers and wolfed them down for dinner. (I wrote about the whole experience here.) So far so good (and man, those burgers were awesomely good).

But then, the food coma hit with a vengeance, and it sounds like Niek got overwhelmed by one, too. Metal food is — well, it’s metal! But it’s tasty. So, Niek and I thought about naming the thick bastards — a name that ideally pays tribute both to the burger’s heaviness and its tastfulness. But we had a better idea. Niek and I decided we would let you do it!   (more after the jump . . .)

You come up with a good, preferably funny, name for the burger. Cook ’em and eat ’em yourself if you need the inspiration. Put your entries in the comments to this post or to the post Niek has up at DMB — and please make sure to fill out a working e-mail address so we can contact you if needed. If you’re shy, send your e-mail address to me at this address:

Or to Niek via the Death Metal Baboon contact page.

Why would we possibly want to contact you? Because there’s a grand prize for the winner of this joint NCS-DMB contest!

The winner will get two packages by mail – one from Seattle, one from the Netherlands – filled with metal music. As Niek says, “So that’s hard copy albums (CDs), tangibles, the ones you can frisbee with if you like. Or break. Or give to your mom for her birthday. Or stick between your butt cheeks. Whatever you like mate.” Altogether, you’ll receive the following albums:

KataklysmHeaven’s Venom

NeurosisEnemy of the Sun (2010 reissue)

Ion DissonanceCursed

Decrepit BirthPolarity

Demonic RessurectionThe Return to Darkness

Red DescendingWhere Dreams Come to Die

Chronic XornDeath Destruction Sermon

Symbol of Obscurityn.N.i.M.m.

The Way of PurityCrosscore

That should be sufficient to get in your daily ear-wreckage for the next weeks!

The rules? Simple:

1) Only one winner of this whole contest, we pick.

2) Should the winning name be entered by different persons, only the one who was first will be the winner.

3) The contest runs for one week, so that’s ’til Wednesday September 8th, midnight, GMT – or the first minute of the morning of the Thursday after, whichever way you like to look at it.

4) We’ll put up the recipe for “the winning name” burger on both sites. Consider it some sort of digital trophy.

Alright then. Clear? Then bring us your burger names and good luck!

  16 Responses to “NAME THAT BURGER!”

  1. Rectum Rocking Rocket Burger

  2. In light of the other stuff in the original post…

    The Bass Drop Deluxe aka The 808Burger because it has roughly the same effect on your stomach.

  3. The Gastronomicon.

    Sure to kill your gastro-intestinal tract and then bring that fucker back as the undead.

  4. O shit! This isn’t going to be easy. This thing’s only been up a few hours and we’ve already got three awesome entries. Laffing my fucking ass off! And bringing back some gruesome memories of the hours following my Saturday nite chowdown.

  5. This is a fun game. It’s also really funny to ad-lib bands into a description:

    The Beef Dahlia Murder – rich in Iron Maiden, but don’t eat too many of them, they may give you the Marduks.

  6. Despise The Bun

    • Now that there is genius. It’s becoming increasingly clear from this contest that only geniuses read our site. Which is amazing, since it’s written by cretins.

  7. Between the Bacon and Me

  8. I really need to make one or two of these and now that my paycheck’s cleared, I can get the supplies. I know where I can get the Grolsch, although I must admit, I am hesitant to pick up a six pack. I don’t drink very often and I’ve never had it before; I stick to what I know and don’t often go beyond that.

    Then again, I may have to wait until a day when I can let the burgers park my ass down on the couch/chair if the food coma is indeed inevitable. No sense inhaling these when I have a somewhat busy schedule over the next few days.

    • Yeah, see if you can buy just one Grolsch to give it a test drive. I thought it was really good, but beer tastes do differ. And I wasn’t kidding about the food coma. You need to park yourself in a 24-hour lot before you eat one of these.

  9. Decrepit Baconator

  10. Nevermore Burger

  11. Death Metal Gutshot Burger

  12. Eat. Torture. Kill.

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