No, “Impending Probable Hiatus” is not the name of a metal band, though it could be. Instead, it’s an announcement that the year-long streak of at least one post per day on NCS is probably about to come to an end. I’m about to embark on a vacation — from November 10 through November 20 — and the odds that I’ll be able to continue adding daily posts to this site while I’m away are vanishingly small. Here’s why:
1. I will be vacationing with my adamantly non-metalhead wife. She (barely) tolerates all the time I spend on this blog when I’m at home, and if I try to continue doing that on this vacation, I will probably suffer the fate of John Wayne Bobbitt.
2. I’ve been leaning on my two NCS co-founders to write something while I’m gone, but lately they function more as muses than actual creators, and I’m not getting my hopes up.
3. I know from previous experience that the place where we’re going has sketchy internet access, and when it’s available, it’s slooooooowwww. So even if I could deceive my wife into thinking I’m doing something other than blogging, I doubt I’ll have the patience for it.
But I do have an idea about how to keep NO CLEAN SINGING from going completely dark during that 11-day stretch, and it involves you — because what I want to do is invite you to submit something for publication on this site while I’m gone. (more after the jump . . . including music, of course)
Here’s the idea: I know some of you have toyed with the idea of contributing something of your own to this site, or to some metal blog somewhere, someday. I know some of you have in fact contributed to blogs in the past, and some of you are doing that right now. And even if you haven’t thought about writing something before, maybe you’ll start thinking about it now.
Because what I’d like to do is solicit blog posts for publication at NCS during my hiatus. It can be long or short — whatever you have time to create. It can be a concert review, an album review, a piece designed to bring a relatively unknown band to a broader audience, thoughts about the scene or recent news blurbs, something in the vein of our “THAT’S METAL!” posts or one of our other regular features — or anything else that’s related to metal that strikes your fancy.
There is one hitch (isn’t there always?): I need your submissions as soon as possible, and in any event no later than November 9. I need time before I disappear to format the posts, clean up typos, add graphics, and schedule the posts to appear like magic on the days I’m missing in action — and I’ll have to find the time to do that while continuing to write shit for NCS myself between now and November 9. So, the sooner, the better. If submissions come in after November 9, they’ll have to wait until I get back (see John Wayne Bobbitt reference above).
I will make this commitment: If I run out of time to get all submissions ready to go before I leave, I’ll run them after I get back so your efforts won’t go to waste. Here are a few other things you need to know:
1. Send your submissions as a text-file attachment to an e-mail, addressed to email@example.com.
2. In your e-mail, tell me what name you want to use as your by-line (i.e., your real name or a nom de plume).
3. If you want to include a graphic or embedded video or a link to another web page, be sure to include URL links in your text so I can embed them in the post. And in fact, because we like to include graphics in our posts at this site, it will help me if you do provide links to the images you think would go well with what you write (e.g., band photos, album art, a photo of your genitals). Otherwise, I will have to spend time tracking down suitable visual accompaniment.
4. We do have certain standards here at NCS. Granted, they’re pretty fucking low, but still, I have to reserve some small amount of discretion on the final publication decision. It’s either that, or I have to let the loris interns decide what goes up on the site, and I don’t think they’re quite ready.
So, don’t let me down. Don’t let NCS go dark for 11 whole days. Help us keep our streak alive. Don’t make me beg (OK, I’m already begging): Write something!
P.S. I have to keep our vacation destination a secret, because otherwise we would be hounded mercilessly by paparazzi.
P.P.S. I hate to let a day go by without providing some musical entertainment for you. So, here’s a peaceful, contemplative video just released by Finnish extreme metallers Impaled Nazarene for a song called “Enlightenment Process”. The song comes off the band’s eleventh full-length album, Road To The Octagon, which is scheduled for release on November 20 via Osmose Productions. I think of this as music to meditate by.