No, “Impending Probable Hiatus” is not the name of a metal band, though it could be. Instead, it’s an announcement that the year-long streak of at least one post per day on NCS is probably about to come to an end. I’m about to embark on a vacation — from November 10 through November 20 — and the odds that I’ll be able to continue adding daily posts to this site while I’m away are vanishingly small. Here’s why:
1. I will be vacationing with my adamantly non-metalhead wife. She (barely) tolerates all the time I spend on this blog when I’m at home, and if I try to continue doing that on this vacation, I will probably suffer the fate of John Wayne Bobbitt.
2. I’ve been leaning on my two NCS co-founders to write something while I’m gone, but lately they function more as muses than actual creators, and I’m not getting my hopes up.
3. I know from previous experience that the place where we’re going has sketchy internet access, and when it’s available, it’s slooooooowwww. So even if I could deceive my wife into thinking I’m doing something other than blogging, I doubt I’ll have the patience for it.
But I do have an idea about how to keep NO CLEAN SINGING from going completely dark during that 11-day stretch, and it involves you — because what I want to do is invite you to submit something for publication on this site while I’m gone. (more after the jump . . . including music, of course)
Here’s the idea: I know some of you have toyed with the idea of contributing something of your own to this site, or to some metal blog somewhere, someday. I know some of you have in fact contributed to blogs in the past, and some of you are doing that right now. And even if you haven’t thought about writing something before, maybe you’ll start thinking about it now.
Because what I’d like to do is solicit blog posts for publication at NCS during my hiatus. It can be long or short — whatever you have time to create. It can be a concert review, an album review, a piece designed to bring a relatively unknown band to a broader audience, thoughts about the scene or recent news blurbs, something in the vein of our “THAT’S METAL!” posts or one of our other regular features — or anything else that’s related to metal that strikes your fancy.
There is one hitch (isn’t there always?): I need your submissions as soon as possible, and in any event no later than November 9. I need time before I disappear to format the posts, clean up typos, add graphics, and schedule the posts to appear like magic on the days I’m missing in action — and I’ll have to find the time to do that while continuing to write shit for NCS myself between now and November 9. So, the sooner, the better. If submissions come in after November 9, they’ll have to wait until I get back (see John Wayne Bobbitt reference above).
I will make this commitment: If I run out of time to get all submissions ready to go before I leave, I’ll run them after I get back so your efforts won’t go to waste. Here are a few other things you need to know:
1. Send your submissions as a text-file attachment to an e-mail, addressed to email@example.com.
2. In your e-mail, tell me what name you want to use as your by-line (i.e., your real name or a nom de plume).
3. If you want to include a graphic or embedded video or a link to another web page, be sure to include URL links in your text so I can embed them in the post. And in fact, because we like to include graphics in our posts at this site, it will help me if you do provide links to the images you think would go well with what you write (e.g., band photos, album art, a photo of your genitals). Otherwise, I will have to spend time tracking down suitable visual accompaniment.
4. We do have certain standards here at NCS. Granted, they’re pretty fucking low, but still, I have to reserve some small amount of discretion on the final publication decision. It’s either that, or I have to let the loris interns decide what goes up on the site, and I don’t think they’re quite ready.
So, don’t let me down. Don’t let NCS go dark for 11 whole days. Help us keep our streak alive. Don’t make me beg (OK, I’m already begging): Write something!
P.S. I have to keep our vacation destination a secret, because otherwise we would be hounded mercilessly by paparazzi.
P.P.S. I hate to let a day go by without providing some musical entertainment for you. So, here’s a peaceful, contemplative video just released by Finnish extreme metallers Impaled Nazarene for a song called “Enlightenment Process”. The song comes off the band’s eleventh full-length album, Road To The Octagon, which is scheduled for release on November 20 via Osmose Productions. I think of this as music to meditate by.
Wait…was the bit about photos of our genitals for reals, because I think that could be a whole post on it’s own. Just one post of the naughty bits of all the readers of NCS.
The video was awesome too!!!
“Naughty Bits” has a nice ring to it for a post title. If I’m not already on some FBI cyber-crime observation list, I think that would seal the deal.
It could be a weekly column. I have no idea what it’d be about…
Vicious rumors we make up about random bands?
Well, as long as it’s not about genitals, that might work. I understand there are a few other web sites one can visit for info on genitals.
Seriously. No one go to genki-genki.com…
Unless you never want to have a boner (or wet vagoo) again.
Someone please make him stop.
Although probably not the kinds of sites you’re referring too, there are sex tapes with certain rock stars and pics available of others, but I’m assuming you’re talking about stuff that we either want to see and/or haven’t seen already.
Anyhoo, expect something from me in your inbox soon. I had a couple things I was going to send you way anyway, but with the dead computer, that hasn’t exactly worked out. But I hope to have a hard drive adapter this week so I can retrieve some files. In theory. Whether I get the adapter in time is one matter, whether I can pull stuff from the drive(s) is another.
I hope it all works out. It would be great to get some material from you. I would hate to have to turn over the site to the lorises while I’m away.
I’m gonna go ahead and vote for no “vagoo” themed posts…why not just let the cube take over for 10 days?
You should have something from me in the next couple days.
And I know this will crush Phro, but I have to agree about the no “vagoo-themed posts”.
I’m afraid if I let the cube take over, NCS would be reduced to a smoldering ruin by the time I got back. On the other hand, this is an academic issue, because the cube will take over, or not, as the cube sees fit. We mere mortals have no say in the matter.
You know, if you guys would just embrace the saving power of the vagoo, the cube would no longer be a problem and suddenly become a source of eternal light and happiness.
So sayeth the great prophet, the Japchigoo!
I really don’t think I’m going to sleep well tonight.
Warm milk mixed with some bourbon and a nice book.
You’ll be asleep fine!
What you’ll dream about though…
Ask and you shall receive!
Don’t worry. No vagoo. I found something better.
I don’t think I’m going to sleep well tonight.
Check your inbox!
No, really, do check it. It’s just an album review.
Just checked it. Awesome. If you tell me that you put that together from start to finish after reading today’s invitation for submissions, I will be duly humbled.
Yep! I wrote it right after I saw your post….but I’ve been thinking about it for a few days, so there’s that too.
I like me some writing.
I’ll probably drop in a few album reviews… or perhaps a retrospective type thing (couple of bands I really want to recommend and do a write-up on, Elite, Astarte, The Showdown)…
Oh, and I’m seeing Dark Tranquillity in Oslo on the 6th, so will do a write-up of that as well and try (although no promises) to get some pictures!
That all sounds great Andy! I’m envious that you’re seeing DT. I saw them earlier this year in Seattle, but I could do that on a monthly basis if it were possible.
Genki genki… Has haunted me. Thanks asshole, I’ll never be able to ride a skateboard in peace. Or sleep, or eat spaghetti.
As long as you can skateboard in terror and keep making awesome videos, I think we can still count this as a win.
Hahah you’ve seen the vids? We haven’t really posted any more new ones. Season is closing in Canada, and with the recent death of a fellow, loved, and very actice member in the Ontario Longboarding Community the police have started to crack down. All in all, we just have to be more ninja with our spots.
http://hiltonbyrne.blogspot.com/ (read part 1, 2, and 3. He was my friend, and I have shed tears all morning. If you don’t, you must never be phazed.)
A little background on how Hilton was IN the hospital, was he was hit by a motorcycle, on a fast tricky run we call POW. It was one of the most fucked up things I have ever witnessed.
Please, read the blog, and remember that everyday you live, you must love.
Sorry for being a sappy little kid here, I’ve been bawling like a little baby all morning reading about Hilton and talking to his parents.
Fuck man. I am so sorry. I read the blog, and it really hit me hard. I’m glad you felt like sharing this with us. You be careful out there.
We all realize with the growing sport, and the amount of new riders taking it up there WILL be accidents. That’s why we all wear protective equipment, even if we’re just cruising to the corner store for a candy bar.
People must understand though, that the maximum amount of safety gear you can wear (1 piece leather suit, fullface helmet, and slide gloves) Can only do so much. So many riders leather up and get disconnected from the moment we are in. While a fullface D.O.T helmet may save your life when a half-shell Protec helmet won’t, you still CAN NOT feel invincible. All leathers stop is major road rash (Yes, you still do get scraped up when you bail in them), and act as a self-bought body bag in the worst situations.
With this accident, we (The Ontario Longboarding Communty) plans on teaching new riders about road safety, ettiquette, lines through corners, rules of the road, ect. More so then ever. We already hold multiple schools, FOR FREE, for ANYONE to come out. We teach road safety (what I mentioned above) aswell as safety sliding, footbreaking, air breaking, anything you need to be SAFE on the roads.
It’s not like we’re charging down these hills at peak commuting hours, or days, without people spotting corners, with no safety gear. There is alot more to the sport that I love then ‘going down recklessly’.
Unfortionately, with this accident, there has been alot more attention focused on the sport of Downhill Skateboarding, some positive such as newer riders not pushing themselves past their limits and getting hurt, and some negative such as police, politicians, and civilians taking a more no-tolerance outlook on things. Accidents happen in every sport, no matter how high of a skill level you or others posess, or the huge amount of time and effort you take to be as safe as possible in every situation you can get caught up in.
I don’t know what I am trying to say here. At this point I’m kind of rambling.
Please everyone, don’t live in fear, but please think of yourself and OTHERS when you are doing something with a risk for death, or serious injury. I cannot imagine how the rider of the motorcycle feels, knowing that while he was not in the wrong, he played a part in having a young man lose his life. He will live with that for the rest of is life.
That’s all I have to say.
That and I hope you guys can continue to ride…if nothing else, as a memorial to your friend…
Just try to be safe.
Another thought occurred, as sometimes happens.
What if someone nears the end of their race while you’re away? While I don’t want you to get Bobbitized (or is Bobbited the right word?) by your wife, there’s a potential to lose millions. And who knows, maybe there’s gold dust to be had. Or blood diamonds. Maybe even some of what’s in Gothenburg’s water supply.
And won’t the lorises miss you? Who’s taking care of them if we’re to take care of NCS? Please don’t tell me you bought tentacled robots…
I have negotiated with my traveling companion for a limited amount of internet time each day — not enough to write this blog, but sufficient time to check messages from African pen-pals trying to give me millions. I just got another doozy today. So yeah, I’m not taking a chance on missing out on the big Gothenburg chemical bonanza.
No tentacled robots. Not now. Not ever. I’ve trained the cat to feed the lorises their grubs. In return, he gets to eat two of them before I get back.
You’re married?! Lol.
We will dearly miss you Islander, particularly me. I pretty much check this site everyday and now I won’t get to see your posts for 11 whole days. With that….I don’t think I will submit anything, I am too shy to have anything I write read in public lol. Although, I do want to see what everyone else will write.
I like the picture at the top of this blog though, cats are the best. I remember your post about losing your metalness because of liking cats, xD.
Btw, what is “the cube”? the other NCS employees?
About the video…’twas good and actually quite entertaining, unlike most other videos that actually have a storyline because I never follow them.
Anyway, enjoy your vacation!
Thank you! Makes me feel good to know I will be missed — but I think there will be some good posts in place of what I would have written. And you shouldn’t be so shy about writing! Take the plunge and see what happens! I think we could use your perspective around this male-dominated compound.
Yes, I am married. It’s hard to believe that anyone would marry me. It helps that my wife is blind from birth, very forgiving, and has a charitable nature. (some of what I just wrote is true)
As for the cube, see this: https://www.nocleansinging.com/2010/09/25/goat-the-head-doppelgangers/
You could contribute to the naughty bits compilation!!
Even if you don’t write something, be sure to drop in and comment. I’m sure that there’ll be plenty from us cube worshippers (and those who are fond of certain words that rhyme with kazoo) to read while Islander’s off having fun.