Sep 012011

Earlier this week, we introduced you to a revolutionary new holistic health regimen for metalheads that we’ve dubbed “The Lindgren Diet”. This isn’t just a formula for shedding unwanted pounds. It’s a magical recipe for mental well-being and overall physical health that will produce a “new you”. Developed by Ola Lindgren, the frontman and guitarist for Grave, the legendary Swedish death metal band, it’s taking the world by storm — and rightly so.

Eating right has never been easier — and it won’t leave you feeling hungry or deprived. There’s no need to count calories, carbs, portion sizes — or anything else. It’s just that easy! Ola Lindgren shows you how. Drawing on his own experience maintaining the physique of an Olympic swimmer despite the demands of the extreme metal lifestyle, he has crafted an easy-to-follow diet program that doesn’t require hard-to-find ingredients or long hours in the kitchen. Let other people do the preparation for you! All you have to do is consume — and then watch yourself be transformed.

I’ve been on the diet since Monday, and I can tell you that I’m already feeling the burn! I’m sleeping better, feeling more energetic during the day, and experiencing greater mental acuity. And that’s just from following the first daily intake regimen that Ola rolled out when he launched his blog, “Lindgren’s Health Blog 666”. But now Ola has given us the next installment in his recipe for whole-body perfection. I can’t wait to work this meal plan into my daily routine! Check it out after the jump.

DAY TWO . . .

Kinda slow day but I’ll share it to you of course..

Breakfast: Coffee, 5 cigarettes, Spicy Elmo wrap with eggs, bacon, jalapenos, a Corona

Workout: Amazing cardio pass, went gator hunting in Lettuce Lake Park. Walked around the whole swamp on the boardwalks checkin’ out alligators, turtles, birds and squirrels.

Lunch: Naah..

Dinner: 3 slices of Little Caesars pepperoni pizza, Budweisers.

Late night snack: Svedka vodka drinks with blueberry Gatorade.
5 lines of the White lady.

Total cigarettes today: About 32
Total alcohol intake: Too much to remeber
Total controlled substance intake: About 1,5 grams

Killah day!

Okay! So this Day Two regimen requires a little more discipline than the Day One diet — you have to skip lunch. But that’s the great thing about this diet — no longer will you feel that gnawing hunger at lunchtime that you feel when you’re eating the usual crap food you’re probably used to. Your body gets what it needs at breakfast on The Lindgren Diet, and you won’t feel hungry again until dinner. Plus, I’ve always wanted to eat a wrap made with Elmo — I never did like that fucker.

On The Lindgren Diet, as you can see, there’s also room for pampering yourself at the end of a long day of gator hunting, with some blueberry/vodka and lines of blow. Morning will come before you know it, and you won’t want to sleep. In fact, you won’t be able to sleep! Which means you’ll be burning off more calories, because everyone knows that sleeping doesn’t burn shit.

I’m still waiting for the pounds to start melting off my frame. In fact, I’ve gained some weight since Monday. But this is just the induction phase of The Lindgren Diet. Once the special mix of ingredients fully kicks in, it’s going to wake up my metabolism like a plunge in one of those ball-freezing Swedish lakes, and I’ll have the Adonis-like physique of Ola Lindgren before you can say “Pass me another Corona!”

So stop fucking around and get with the program! A new you is waiting to be born!

  8 Responses to “THE LINDGREN DIET: DAY TWO”

  1. I’ll probably skip the lines… coke messes with my meth addiction.

    • Well, i can understand why a person in your situation would be tempted to skip the lines. However, The Lindgren Diet is scientifically formulated and strict adherence is important for the full range of body-mind benefits. So, on the one hand, skipping the lines will jeopardize success on the program. On the other hand, it’s less likely you will die. Tough call.

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