Sep 192011

I’m beginning to think that the Geneva Convention should be amended to prohibit album teasers, unless the music sucks like a toothless meth whore, in which case, y’know, the sooner it’s over the better. But when the music sounds awesome, it’s torture to be given just a few seconds of tease and then be left tumescent and unsatisfied.

I used to think Tamás Kátai and his band Thy Catafalque were great. I’ve been singing their praises recently (here, for example). What a fool I’ve been. I’ve learned the hard way that they’re just a bunch of teases. I wake up this morning, bleary eyes still crusted with sleep and belly badly in need of caffeination. I stumble over to the computer and check the e-mail to see if any of my supposed African benefactors have actually made arrangements to provide the bags of gold dust and multi-million-dollar wire transfers they promised in return for my personal details, and what do I see instead but a note from Tamás about the dose of torture at the top of this post.

Yes, it’s a fucking album teaser. Just long enough to produce a swelling sensation in my pants and then . . . silence. It’s an especially heartless thing to do since the new album (the band’s first on Season of Mist) won’t be released until November 11 in Europe and fucking January 10, 2012 in North America. I bet dollars to donuts that they’re not finished with the torturing either. I bet they’re going to release a song sometime between now and then followed by more tumescence and then more . . . . . . . . . . waiting.

I am one of those people who believes that my own suffering will be ameliorated if I cause other people to suffer in the same way. Don’t you just love people like that? So, listen to the teaser, won’t you? It’s after the jump.


  1. Are you sure this is for a band? It seems more like it’s for a video game….

    A video game about staring death in the face, and, just when you think you’ve beat it, death kicks you in the balls and mouth fucks you.

    And then you die. Or something.

    What a shitty video game. WHY WOULD ANYONE MAKE SOMETHING LIKE THAT????

    • Exactly! I thought video games were supposed to give you a chance to fight back. Who would want to play a game that just kills you relentlessly? I mean, other than you.

      • Nononononononononono!!!

        I like games where *I* get to kill things relentlessly. Not the other way around.

        It sucks that games like Mario are so limited though, and you only get to kill him three times.

        Who designed that?

        • Lara Croft is so much more fun to deliberately kill, especially later installments to the series, where one is aided by physics.

          Granted, I’m not a fan of ragdoll physics, but sometimes it is fun to see what kinds of contortions I can get the various rigged models to end up with. Thanks to the Gravity Gun of HL2 and the Havok engine, one can easily amuse themselves for quite some time. And now that physics are a part of the majority of new 3D games, one only has to find the way(s) to exploit that to create abstract art with enemy models.

  2. A shame this doesn’t have more to offer. Plus, it sucks dripping tentacle that there are two release dates, the first of which would make for a memorable release date for everyone, not to mention that it’s also Remembrance Day, Veterans Day, Armistice Day or however else you want to put it.

    Regardless of when the release date is, I’ll likely be getting this album when that day comes.

    • I’m told by a reliable source that Season of Mist will be releasing a song next month. When it comes to teasing, I hate when I’m right. Of course, I’ll waste no time sharing the suffering and post that track here ASAP.

      • I suppose that’s better than nothing. A snippet of a song is no real indication of how the album as a whole is going to be, while what’s in this teaser offers far less than most teasers do. Sure, I have no doubt that the new album will be worth it, but it’d be nice if they would’ve given a juicier morsel to chew on.

        • Also considering the prevalence of internet leaks, why not release more, more quickly?

          • Ours not to reason why, ours but to sit patiently like hungry lorises, waiting for the master’s hand to drop a fat grub down our gullets.

            • I know that was a religious reference, but it reminded me of the Charge of the Light Brigade, which gives it an oddly militaristic undertone.

              ‘Forward, the Light Brigade!’
              Was there a man dismay’d?
              Not tho’ the soldiers knew
              Some one had blunder’d:
              Theirs not to make reply,
              Theirs not to reason why,
              Theirs but to do and die:
              Into the valley of Death
              Rode the six hundred.

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