It’s that time of year again, and by that I mean it’s vacation time (almost)! Yes, your humble Nitwit-in-Chief will soon be embarking for sunnier climes, leaving behind the fucking day job and the Seattle dank in search of a little R&R. While I’m gone, my blogging time will be significantly restricted. My wife, Mrs. Nitwit (which I can say because she never reads NCS) remains adamant that when she and I are on vacation, hours spent blogging every day will NOT be tolerated. She can be a scary person when angry and she’s good with a knife, so I don’t plan to push my luck.
I know our regular staff members — Andy, BadWolf, and TheMadIsraeli — will step up their game while I’m gone, and I’m hoping for the same from some of our more or less regular guest writers (Phro and Trollfiend, I’m lookin’ at you). But, as I did last year, I’m also appealing for help from our loyal cadre of NCS readers to help keep the site from going dark while I’m away by sending me guest submissions.
If you’ve ever toyed with the idea of writing something for publication at NCS or some other metal blog, now’s a good time to give it a shot. Or maybe you’re already writing for another blog and you’d like to upgrade the content quality at NCS (good luck with that). Regardless of your situation, we want your shit! Uh, I meant, we want the eloquence of your written expression! Details after the jump . . .
What you submit can be long or short — whatever you have time to create. It can be a show review, an album review, a piece designed to bring a relatively unknown band to a broader audience, thoughts about the scene or about recent news blurbs, something in the vein of our “THAT’S METAL!” posts or one of our other regular features — or anything else that’s related to metal that strikes your fancy.
There is one hitch (isn’t there always?): It would be great to get your submissions sooner rather than later. I’ve got a final, brutal work crunch coming up right before I leave, so taking that into account, my blog-time-restriction is going to start around November 1 and won’t end until I get back to Seattle on November 18.
So, to give me time to clean up typos, add graphics, and schedule the posts to appear like magic on the days I’m missing in action, giving me a head start would be great. So yeah, the sooner, the better. If submissions come in after November 1, they may have to wait until I get back, but have no fear, that doesn’t mean they’ll never see the light of day.
Here are a few other things you need to know:
1. Send your submissions as some kind of document or text-file attachment to an e-mail, addressed to firstname.lastname@example.org.
2. In your e-mail, tell me what name you want to use as your by-line (i.e., your real name, if you don’t care about trashing your personal reputation, or a nom de plume).
3. If you want to include a graphic or embedded video or a link to another web page, be sure to include web links in your text so I can embed them in the post. And in fact, because we like to include graphics in our posts at this site, it will help if you do provide links to the images you think would go well with what you write (e.g., band photos, album art, a photo of your genitals).
4. We do have certain standards here at NCS. Granted, they’re pretty fucking low, but still, I have to reserve some small amount of discretion on the final publication decision. It’s either that, or I have to let the loris interns decide what goes up on the site, and I don’t think they’re quite ready for that. Plus, I don’t trust the fuckers any farther than I can throw them.
5. Don’t expect payment. Think of your compensation as the warm, fuzzy feeling you will get from helping out a bro in need so his wife doesn’t cut off his weiner.
So, don’t let me down. Don’t let NCS go dark for even one day. Help us keep our streak alive. Don’t make me beg (OK, I’m already begging): Write something!
P.S. I know my metalheads: long-range planning is not one of our strong suits. So, I’ll remind you about this again before my own personal witching hour arrives. And by “remind”, I mean “nag”.
I will send you my shit. And now I have the NCS address, so you can take that literally.
Oh, I got the shirts! AMAZING QUALITY!
The gf said they were cute.
Glad you got the shirts. Cute is what I was aiming for.
I know I’ve not been writing much recently, but I should have a variety of things for you by that date. Hopefully.
It’s all cool. If all else fails, I’ll just start a log of “what I did on my vacation today”. Actually, I can write it in advance: “I slept, I ate, I drank, I slept more, I peed, I did unmentionable things to Mrs. Nitwit, rinse, wash, repeat.”
oooh…I have an idea Ive been bouncing around in my head..mostly because there’s lots of space in there. I think I’ll have something that I can even turn into a semi regular column
No. You’re not welcome.
Ignore that crabby person up above. I’ll be curious to see what falls out of your head . . .
What have I told you about stopping after 6 beers . . .
No..he may be right. The awesomness of my article may ruin the site for all other contributors.
Exactly. And ruining this site is my job.
Hold it. I thought it was Phro’s job to ruin the site?
They take turns. That way they don’t squabble over who gets to ruin the site.
Yeah, I think I’ll be submitting something to you that will be a little outside your normal material. It’s something I’ve been working on for a few days, and I think you’ll appreciate it.
That would be great! Thank you.
Cool, I actually thought of you when I read the post.
I was seriously outlining ideas for a post on Stuff You Will Hate at the suggestion of Sergeant D himself. And now my other favorite metal blogger has provided the opportunity to make a “serious” article. I’ll see if I cant make both. It’ll be good practice to see if I have what it takes for this amateur metal journalism thing (interesting articles, tight deadline, research etc.) I’ll see what I can cook up for you guys, hopefully it’ll go over well. Good luck to everyone else. looking forward to the output.
Cool! I was hoping you’d take a shot at this. I had a blast last year reading all the good stuff that came in, and I’m getting psyched for it again.
Ye gods the pressure! THE PRESSURE!!
Have you tried Valium?
I’ve got a home trepanation kit. I’m good.
Cool. Trepanation is an under-appreciated form of medical treatment. So is sticking long needles up into the brain through the nose. That calms me down immediately.
A real man would do the icepick through the tearduct
What can I say? I’m a wimp.
This explains so much.
I ruin nothing!!
It’s alternative enhancement! With some fecal matter added for taste.
You always leave me feeling enhanced….and dirty…but I like it.
This^…….made me and my roomie laugh our asses off for a good 5 minutes.
I’ve recently started a lil blog of my own- it’s got a little bit of writing on it so far, but nothing worth publicly advertising yet. I have a couple other things in mind I’ll be adding soon, but i’d be more than happy to donate one of them. Especially considering the knife + weiner scenerio. Plus an article here might be a good thing if it coincides with my own “official” launch…
Cool that you’re starting your own blog. Turns out you’re not the only NCS reader/commenter who has imminent plans to do that, but I’ll keep that to myself for now. It would be great if you’d share one of your pieces with me as additional weiner protection.