THE DEFINITION OF A SLOW NEWS DAY: THE NUMBER OF THE BLOG INTERVIEWS ISLANDER
You know, if I don’t spread the word about this, who will?
A new writer at The Number of the Blog who goes by “Rev. Will” over there (and has masqueraded under a different name at NCS) is running a new series called “Keyboard Warriors”, in which he interviews other metal bloggers. He started off strong, featuring interviews of Adrien Begrand (Decibel, Terrorizer, Dominion) and Vince Neilstein (MetalSucks). And then he went right off the rails by electing to interview . . . me.
If you have nothing better to do, go check out the interview at TNOTB (here) and leave comments appropriate to the subject matter.
Finally some useful cooking advice for the steaming pile of rectums and penises that take up space in my living room.
Penis and rectum are sadly neglected ingredients in home cooking. I’m glad to see that you’re dry-aging yours.
That’s what really brings out the flavor
It kinda puts a stink on your home, but for the true connoisseur it’s the only way to go.
Silly Americans and their noob-like cuisine. In here, those recipes have been passed from generation to generation for aeons. In fact, succesfully catching, preparing and flaming the penis of a virgin Cossack was once considered as a passing rite for five year olds to become men of the tribe.
Oh and I thought the interview was cool. ZOMG ISLANDER IST A CELEBRITY!
Oh2. I could’ve sworn Islander had a beard. All my fetishes are hereby destroyed.
I am now understanding better why Finns are so fucking metal. It’s all the flame-broiled Cossack penis in your diet. But no more catching them yourselves? Maybe they’ve been over-hunted. Is it all just catch-and-release now?
I’ve had a beard before, but not recently. It looks kind of scraggly. I probably need to increase the testosterone supplements again.
The consumption and the whole tradition of eating the virgin (you mustn’t forget the virgin part) Cossack’s penis has been drastically declining. As far as I can see there are 3 main reasons as to why:
1. Modern people are lazy. It’s just so much easier to buy ready-to-eat Cossack dong meals from your local 7-11. Personally I don’t do this, because i’m too sceptic about the authenticity of origin. Thankfuly, my Grandpa still hunts them in his pensioner days.
2. God damn EU! They’re, for some god-knows-why-reason, claiming that hunting Cossack’s for merely their precious virgin weeners is somehow, now what were the words…inhumane and immoral. Can you believe it?!
3. The Cossack population sorta saw a huge decline, because of some dude called Stalin, and some communism thingy.
Coss-cock seems like it’d be hard to season… I see why you’d need virginal ones.
Yeah, I bet they get really leathery after a lifetime of raping and pillaging ethnic minorities.
And not to mention just kinda…bleeeeeh.
And both my girlfriend and I wear the T-shirts. In public!
All the squid girls love us.
I am proud of you and your girlfriend for wearing those shirts in public, and duly impressed, too. I would like to see the looks on the faces of the Japanese who see them.
Squid girls? What are . . . no, wait. I don’t want to know.
They`re just girls. With giant squid hats. The squid hats have tiny, tiny robots in them that control the girls brains. Kinda like advertising, but more literal. The squid girls` vaginas also smell like rotten squid. I know because they show their love by face-hugging you with their va-jay-jays.
Wait . . . wait. I didn’t ask. I’m sure I said I didn’t want to know. What part of NO didn’t you understand?
Please don’t say va-jay-jay again.
The part in which you really meant yes.
Your words say “no”, but your puppy dog eyes beg “YES!! CLOSER TO THE BUTT HOLE!”
Va-jay-jay? What`s wrong with va-jay-jay??? Isn`t it better than vagoo????
I need psychiatric care, because I can’t stop laughing at this. And for other reasons.
You need psychiatric care because your brain meats are slippin` out your brain hole.
(It`s in your penis.)
Shit, well I’ve got that fixed now. I jammed a pencil into the penis hole and then broke it off. Hurt like a motherfucker, but at least I’m maintaining my IQ. Whew.
Glad to help!
But next time, you might try using something bigger to stick in the hole.
Like a steak knife!
I thought you’d be taller
I’m living backwards, regressing in size and age. By this time next year I’ll be in diapers.
That was a great interview. I feel proud that I got a mention, even if it was just over our freaky tentacle sex threesomes.
Maybe I should have been more circumspect. At least I didn’t mention tentacles.
Oh, yah! Me too!!!
Especially because it was over an awesome threesome.
Though, really, I wouldn`t mind a twosome with either the tentacles or the Troll…
Why Phrosephina, I didn’t know you had a Trollcock Fetish…
It`s less a fetish and more a curiosity. Will my dick turn to stone if it squirts, I mean, looks you in the eye?
fun interview… and dude, I wore my NCS shirt to my high school the day Red Cross was training me to be a bully facilitator. That’s the way YOU should roll.
You facilitate bullies?
Shouldn`t the Red Cross be not facilitating bullies????
Maybe facilitating bullies keeps the Red Cross in business?
They collect the blood from all the broken noses?
Damn, that is so awesome. I feel like a total wimp. I’ve only worn mine to metal clubs, where half the shirts feature the word “fuck”.
I wore mine last Saturday when I went to the Korpiklaani+Arkona show.
I also wore it to TGI Fridays for dinner before the show, although to be honest I was also wearing a sweatshirt at that time…
Bravo. I’m going to that Korpiklaani+Arkona show on Sunday night. I know what shirt I’ll be wearing.
Wait..is that like a bully for bullies..because I want that job
That was a cool read. Though, I am a little confused. I thought you didn’t have a head.
Do you think it’s possible that you’re the only one who hasn’t worn your NCS shirt in public in daylight?
It’s true. I have no head. That was photoshopped on.
I am feeling like such a huge wimp. I don’t want to think about the possibility of being the only shirt-owner who hasn’t worn the Fucking Good Pancake shirt in public during daylight. I think tomorrow I’ll put it on, drive around the block, then take it off. Will that count?
You should pick up the children at school while wearing it
I prefer to just loiter around elementary schools and stare longingly. I have an ankle monitor that goes off if I try to pick one of them up.
I guess that’ll count, since you’re the reason for the shirt. 🙂
I wore my shirt to my nephew’s 9th birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese’s.
No shit? When are you guys going to start taking pics of these occasions? This is the kind of priceless, we-don’t-give-no fucks-even-about-our-relatives behavior that should be preserved for posterity.
Nobody wants to see pics of me. I’m not as sexy as Phro. But my shirt is also my FB profile pic.
I put a video of me both wearing and taking off that shirt on youtube for all to see.
You could at least show us your cock.
Wait…what are we talking about?
That is so damned cool! I just checked your profile pic. I’m honored!
Wait… I can find Trollfiend on Facebook and stalk him?! TO ISLANDER’S FRIENDS LIST!
Lol I couldn’t find him. It’s okay I probably wouldn’t have stalked you anyway :P.
I have no friends. Only worshippers.
Demigods don’t get worshippers. But they do get dilettantes.
Need more Facebook likes to get worshippers.
I was thinking about paying for Facebook likes. Do you think people would take pinecones in payment?
It’s ok Islander, I only wear my shirt around the house, I might’ve worn it to some shows by now if I had actually gone to shows since I got the shirt (I actually haven’t been to a concert since Mayhem Fest 2010).
The dark side of living in New Hampshire.
Thank you for the pricless entertainment. I so needed the laugh you just provided.
Congrats on the interview man. You deserve the recognition, because you really do have one of the best metal blogs out there.
And I am eagerly anticipating your yearly Christmas rant. It always puts a smile on my face.
Thank you — and thanks for sticking with us for so long. And the Christmas rant is taking shape and growing like a tumor with each new ad I see and carol I hear.
Awesome interview and good to see a bit more of you. I was starting to think this place was run by a headless fuckbot with tattoos.
Thank you Niek. However, the place really is run by a headless fuckbot with tattoos. The head really is all photoshopping. Y’know, just to give the place a human feel.
I liked it! I also liked the blow-up of the photo of the tattoos. I like cultural patterns like those and Celtic knots.