Nov 292011

You know, if I don’t spread the word about this, who will?

A new writer at The Number of the Blog who goes by “Rev. Will” over there (and has masqueraded under a different name at NCS) is running a new series called “Keyboard Warriors”, in which he interviews other metal bloggers. He started off strong, featuring interviews of Adrien Begrand (Decibel, Terrorizer, Dominion) and Vince Neilstein (MetalSucks). And then he went right off the rails by electing to interview . . . me.

If you have nothing better to do, go check out the interview at TNOTB (here) and leave comments appropriate to the subject matter.


  1. Finally some useful cooking advice for the steaming pile of rectums and penises that take up space in my living room.

    • Penis and rectum are sadly neglected ingredients in home cooking. I’m glad to see that you’re dry-aging yours.

    • Silly Americans and their noob-like cuisine. In here, those recipes have been passed from generation to generation for aeons. In fact, succesfully catching, preparing and flaming the penis of a virgin Cossack was once considered as a passing rite for five year olds to become men of the tribe.

      Oh and I thought the interview was cool. ZOMG ISLANDER IST A CELEBRITY!
      Oh2. I could’ve sworn Islander had a beard. All my fetishes are hereby destroyed.

      • I am now understanding better why Finns are so fucking metal. It’s all the flame-broiled Cossack penis in your diet. But no more catching them yourselves? Maybe they’ve been over-hunted. Is it all just catch-and-release now?

        I’ve had a beard before, but not recently. It looks kind of scraggly. I probably need to increase the testosterone supplements again.

        • The consumption and the whole tradition of eating the virgin (you mustn’t forget the virgin part) Cossack’s penis has been drastically declining. As far as I can see there are 3 main reasons as to why:

          1. Modern people are lazy. It’s just so much easier to buy ready-to-eat Cossack dong meals from your local 7-11. Personally I don’t do this, because i’m too sceptic about the authenticity of origin. Thankfuly, my Grandpa still hunts them in his pensioner days.
          2. God damn EU! They’re, for some god-knows-why-reason, claiming that hunting Cossack’s for merely their precious virgin weeners is somehow, now what were the words…inhumane and immoral. Can you believe it?!
          3. The Cossack population sorta saw a huge decline, because of some dude called Stalin, and some communism thingy.

  2. Awesome interview!!

    And both my girlfriend and I wear the T-shirts. In public!

    All the squid girls love us.

    Stickily so.

    • Thank you!

      I am proud of you and your girlfriend for wearing those shirts in public, and duly impressed, too. I would like to see the looks on the faces of the Japanese who see them.

      Squid girls? What are . . . no, wait. I don’t want to know.

      • They`re just girls. With giant squid hats. The squid hats have tiny, tiny robots in them that control the girls brains. Kinda like advertising, but more literal. The squid girls` vaginas also smell like rotten squid. I know because they show their love by face-hugging you with their va-jay-jays.

        • Wait . . . wait. I didn’t ask. I’m sure I said I didn’t want to know. What part of NO didn’t you understand?

          Please don’t say va-jay-jay again.

          • The part in which you really meant yes.

            Your words say “no”, but your puppy dog eyes beg “YES!! CLOSER TO THE BUTT HOLE!”

            Va-jay-jay? What`s wrong with va-jay-jay??? Isn`t it better than vagoo????

            I know…va-goo-goo!!!!]

            Or va-jay-goo-jay-goo.

  3. I thought you’d be taller

  4. That was a great interview. I feel proud that I got a mention, even if it was just over our freaky tentacle sex threesomes.

  5. fun interview… and dude, I wore my NCS shirt to my high school the day Red Cross was training me to be a bully facilitator. That’s the way YOU should roll.

  6. That was a cool read. Though, I am a little confused. I thought you didn’t have a head.

    Do you think it’s possible that you’re the only one who hasn’t worn your NCS shirt in public in daylight?

  7. Thank you for the pricless entertainment. I so needed the laugh you just provided.

    Congrats on the interview man. You deserve the recognition, because you really do have one of the best metal blogs out there.

    And I am eagerly anticipating your yearly Christmas rant. It always puts a smile on my face.

    • Thank you — and thanks for sticking with us for so long. And the Christmas rant is taking shape and growing like a tumor with each new ad I see and carol I hear.

  8. Awesome interview and good to see a bit more of you. I was starting to think this place was run by a headless fuckbot with tattoos.

    • Thank you Niek. However, the place really is run by a headless fuckbot with tattoos. The head really is all photoshopping. Y’know, just to give the place a human feel.

  9. I liked it! I also liked the blow-up of the photo of the tattoos. I like cultural patterns like those and Celtic knots.

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