For reasons I explained yesterday, I haven’t been my usual upbeat self lately, and I’m still pretty down. NCS readers have been really understanding and sympathetic. Some of you have even sent me e-mails with links to videos and music, in hopes that they would prove to be distractions from my grief . . . and they have been.
I’ve collected some of them in this post, in case you might need some distractions, too. I’ve arranged them in order of increasing weirdness and depravity, with the finale being a NSFW video by a band of Finnish deviants named Turmion Kätilöt (pictured above). Nothing takes your mind off grief like depravity.
ITEM ONE
This item, and the next two, came my way from Ben C. (Church of the Riff). I liked his introductions so much I’m just going to steal them. Here’s his preface to Item One: “Meet Buck. He’s a deer, who’s dating a hunter’s daughter. It sounds tame, but this is seriously some Pixar quality shit.” And so it is.
You can probably guess where this one is headed, just from Ben’s description. The high points for me were the near-kiss in the tunnel, the hunter’s stoic bloodhound, and the final few seconds. There’s a metaphor in here. I think it’s a message about tolerance for interspecies love. What do you think?
ITEM TWO
The next item is a movie trailer. Here’s Ben C’s intro comment: “Trailer for the movie Looper. Bigger budget, more action-oriented sci-fi, but the story sounds cool and there’s Bruce Fucking Willis.”
Yeah, so this perked me up, because it includes all the movie food groups for me. It has action, it’s a sci-fi story, and it co-stars Bruce Fucking Willis (along with co-lead Joseph Gordon-Levitt). Also, it involves time travel, which can be good for fucking up your brain, which is good. This explains why Bruce Fucking Willis and Joseph Gordon-Levitt play the same person.
Want to see this.
ITEM THREE
Here’s Ben’s intro for the second item: “Follow The Sun. So like it started out kinda fun and innocent, like when you first dropped acid and the walls seemed like smiling giants. Then about half-way through you started screaming because you realized the giants eyes were bleeding bats made of dismembered limbs.”
I think that captures the feeling pretty fucking well. This video starts really retro, like something you’d see at a drive-in theater in the 50’s if you had been alive in the 50’s, but it gets dark and fucked-up before the end.
MK12 | Follow the Sun | 2011 from MK12 on Vimeo.
ITEM FOUR
This final item arrived via Finnish reader and commenter jeimssi, with this introduction: “I’m not trying to convince you to listen to this band, BUT check out this music video. Certainly something you won’t bump into in MTV. Prepare yourself!” Honestly, I don’t think I could have adequately prepared myself for this, even with the warning.
The video is for a song called “Ihmisixsixsix” by Finnish industrial/death metal band Turmion Kätilöt (which seems to mean “Midwives of Ruin” in English). I first saw this band’s name when they came in No. 6 in the voting for Metal Band of the Year at the 2011 Finnish Metal Awards (which I wrote about here).
The song “Ihmisixsixsix” was released as a single in 2010 and later included in the band’s 2011 album, Perstechnique (which came in No. 6 in the voting for Album of the Year at the 2011 Finnish Metal Awards). I got hooked on the song pretty fast because it has a catchy industrial groove running down the middle of it, and it’s also drenched in death metal filth.
There was an earlier version of this video that was banned by YouTube, apparently because it showed topless women. Well, Turmion Kätilöt fixed that problem. There’s not a single topless woman in this second video for the song. Nope. Not one. Just dicks and male assholes and pissing and lots of singing and writhing in a shower stall. I don’t think this one made it onto YouTube either.
The lyrics are in Finnish. The Google Translate version of them is the usual gibberish, but not that funny (other than the phrase “ass tears”), so I’m not including them.
This was distracting, that’s for sure.
Turmion Kätilöt Ihmisixsixsix 2 uncensored from turmion kätilöt on Vimeo.
ITEM FIVE
HA! I fooled you! That last video really wasn’t the finale after all. This next one is the last, because it’s the most weird and depraved of all. It’s another offering from Ben C., with this lead-in from his e-mail: “Pizza Hut UK is offering a 14″ stuffed crust pizza. The crust is stuffed with….A MOTHERFUCKING HOTDOG.”
True story. The news report, which is here, says Pizza Hut has no plans to make the hotdog-stuffed pizza available in the U.S. I don’t know whether this says something about the UK or about the US. What I do know is that the photo of this thing looks obscene, even though it probably tastes fantastic. But that’s true of so many things, isn’t it?
32 Responses to “DISTRACTIONS”
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Oh, snap, that first one reminds me of a Blender movie…Big Buck Bunny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=O7e_LHA7sQU
And let me just say that I was disappointed with the ending. I was really hoping for some homonecorfurryphilia. Throw in some asphyxiation, and we might be able to get this party started. (In my head, the deer had lady parts and the human had dangly bits, but then the father killed the deer, made a deer suit out of its skin, and then had sex with his son, but the deer skin was still all bloody and shit. SEEEEEEEXY!)
Also, Ben has a good eye for fucktastic looking movies. Bruce Fucking Willis indeed!
And jeimssi convinced me to listen to…I can’t type that, so I won’t even try, but I liked! Just enough depravity to keep you awake.
And hot dogs are disgusting. Ick. Horrible, horrible shit.
Hot dogs are horrible?!? You are Un-American. You probably don’t like corn dogs either. Weiners do make some people nervous, apparently. Given that, I’m surprised you liked the Turmion Kätilöt video.
Corndogs are like hot dogs with herpes, AIDS, and Justin Beiber all rolled into one ewwwwww pile.
You have just slandered state fairs across the length and breadth of our great nation. Speaking of which, don’t these names just make your mouth water?
http://www.mnstatefair.org/find/food/
They convince me that fairs are part of a conspiracy to cull the population via heart disease.
What part of various meat bits stuffed in a tube made of other various meat bits, doesn’t give you a boner?
The part that tastes like crap mixed with warm donkey spunk.
Otherwise, I would like it.
I have to agree. That video had all sorts of potential, but it just stayed PG. Boo!
I was hoping for at least some hunter teabagging.
Well that was a demented way to start my Saturday. I’ll probably never look at another hot dog bun the same way again.
My work here is done.
FACT:
Years ago on a Turmion Kätilöt gig a member of the band got orally pleased (read: blowjob) during the show. Unfortunately for them, the crowd was mostly minors. This obviously caused alot of fuss in the media.
Personally I can say their live shows are amazing and the music is perfect for a small venue with hundreds of dedicated fans.
Having seen the Ihmisixsixsix video, that doesn’t surprise me at all. 🙂
FACT2:
(thanks to youtube)
if you say “turn me on” really fast, you’re nearly pronouncing “turmion” correctly 😛
I am so glad I wasn’t eating when I watched that “Ihmisixsixsix” video. Seriously. The fuck Finland. But I actually dug the music, kinda like more fucked up Ramstien (sp).
Also making a homebrew version of the hotdog pizza this weekend…YEEHAW.
You are a true American, unlike another person in this comment section.
I’m Canadian.
mwhahahahahahaha
So youre a junior American
WHOA. Remember, America is Canada’s shorts.
Wouldnt that make you guys Americas tube-top?
Got that right, nothing says sexy like a tube-top.
Youve obviously never seen some of the Americans who choose to wear tube-tops
Or ball-gag.
Oh, Canada, Oh, Canada, our ball gag is lovely.
True ball gag love in all our mouths and donkeys
With glowing dicks…we see them swell
The True North gagged so hard!
Well, that didn’t go quite as well as I’d hoped.
Don’t put yourself down dude. I thought that was inspirational and majestic.
Canada may be where you were born, but you’re a true American in spirit. Which means you’ll die of coronary artery disease at age 55. Live it up while you can!
Can I have his Canadian spirit?
I could us a spare.
Did Phro just buy my soul?
Goddamit. I still need that (sometimes).
I’ll sell it back to you if you really want it. But I warn you that I may have already… Tried it out.
In the band photo at the top, the guy on the right side (w/ pure black clothes) is Zachary Hietala of Tarot (and brother of Marco Hietala). Tarot and Turmion Kätilöt are from the same city, so maybe that´s how they know each other (or just because most musicians in Finland know it each other XD).
“know each other” (caffeine level sunk too low..)