Of course, you know that NO CLEAN SINGING, in collaboration with GRIND TO DEATH, released a free 46-song compilation of grind, powerviolence, harsh crust, and fastcore called The Only Good Tory. So awesome is this comp that no price can be put upon it, which is why we put no price upon it.
When we announced the release of this comp, we said that in the near future we would be be offering the comp on limited-edition tape produced by DIY Noise as a prize for a competition among NCS readers. We din’t fuckin’ lie: That day is now upon us. And as a bonus, the tapes will come with exclusive NO CLEAN SINGING and GRIND TO DEATH patches! To announce the contest, we turn to our Master of (deviant) Ceremonies, PHRO:
Hey girls and boys! Are you having a great holiday season? Want to make it even better by getting a FREE TAPE OF TEH GURINDZZZ?
It’s easy, if you’re not a drooling moron*!
As we all know, grind/violence is basically Shakespeare with a heroin addiction, so let’s get all poetical up in here! Send us your most inspired grind/violence rewrite of the brilliant lyrics to Napalm Death’s “You Suffer” and we’ll choose the best one (or however many, I’m still drunk, Islander can sort out the dogfuck details) to get a free tape.
Some rules: One, try to keep it to five syllables (like the actual song). I’m lazy in addition to being incompetent, though, so as long as it can be recited within the duration of the song, whatevs. Two, try to be funny. This is for my entertainment, you freeloading, hippie-wannabe, cat-fellating punks.
Any complaints can be registered by concentrating on the offending missive while shitting and the message will be telepathically transmitted to Islander who absolutely loves to sniff your bowel movements.
Now, wake me up when you’re all done. I’m gonna go sleep this off.
*This statement should not be construed to mean that NCS does not love the drooling moron segment of its fanbase. Gabba gabba, we accept you, we accept you, one of us.
NCS and Grind To Death are are not selling these tapes. We are giving them away. This is how you get the ones allotted to NCS:
1. To enter the contest, either submit your entry in the Comments to this post or e-mail them to: email@example.com
2. All entries must be received by midnight PST on Friday, December 14, 2012.
3. We have five tapes to give away. Phro will select the winners in his unfettered and uncontrollable discretion. We will announce the winning entries whenever Phro picks them. Winners will then be contacted for their mailing addresses.
4. I do not love to sniff your bowel movements.
If you haven’t listened to this comp, you can still stream and download it for free at the magnificent NCS Bandcamp site.