Apr 012013
 

Oh what a difference a day makes. Yesterday I was congratulating Encyclopaedia Metallum – The Metal Archives on the addition of the 90,000th band to their remarkable band database (and celebrating the music of that band — Senobyte). And then today, thanks once again to a tip from Happy Metal Guy, I learned that Nickelback have now been added to that same database.

Yes, Nickelback. The band that all true metalheads love to club like a baby harp seal stranded on an ice floe. They are now polluting Metal Archives, right here, big as life and twice as smelly. And don’t think the moderators of Metal Archives didn’t know what they were doing. This explanation appeared last night on MA’s Facebook page:

After a long and harsh process, M-A has decided to add Nickelback to its database. Once our Canadian moderators brought up their early releases, and our German mods agreed in unison, we were forced to reconsider them. Indeed, their first album Curb is totally metal and influenced by Soundgarden and Alice in Chains who are both on the site.

We felt like explaining ourselves and we’re truly sorry to all their fans for this mistake, they DESERVED their spot on the Archives.

Huh? Seriously?

Well, maybe not so seriously. Because it is April Fool’s Day after all.

Read the album reviews that have appeared simultaneously with the archives entry, and you, my friends, will laugh your asses off.

And don’t skip the Additional Notes. Just to make sure you don’t skip them, I’m going to re-publish them right here:

The band was accepted based on their material up to and including the album Curb.

According to “Newsweek” magazine, bassist Mike Kroeger is sensitive about the fact that he waxes his chest and shoulders before appearing shirtless on stage.

After playing a gig with Manilla Road in Kansas in 2003, rhythm guitarist Ryan Peake remarked how Manilla Road were the best band he ever heard in Saskatchewan.

In 2012, Nickelback performed at the NHL Awards in Las Vegas, Nevada after Bathory were unable to perform “Blood On Ice” due to scheduling conflicts.

Chad Kroeger mentioned, in a Rolling Stone interview, that he lost his virginity on a horse racing track.

Also, in 2012, a man scaled a 40 foot retaining wall to attempt to get into a Nickelback concert for free. He fell to his death and attendees did little to respond, citing “he’s a Nickelback fan”.

It is reported that Mike Kroeger was extremely touched by Metallica’s Lulu. This “masterpiece of cosmic proportions”, as he put it, will be the foundation of inspiration for their next album.

Yes, congratulations to the Metal Archives are in order once again, for what is the most inspired April Fools’ entry I’ve yet seen today — certainly a hell of a lot funnier than something lame like bleaching out the color scheme of your web site.

Go HERE and get some jollies. And then immerse yourselves in the song that put Nickelback over the top at MA:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnPnRSfYfe0

 

  14 Responses to “NICKELBACK IN THE METAL ARCHIVES? SAY IT AIN’T SO!!!”

  1. The reviews…the reviews…I can’t breathe…

  2. I love the ‘similar,’ artists ;p

  3. Could not resist the urge to google ‘mike kroeger shirtless’. I hold no regrets…

  4. Lyrical themes: NS, White Power, Drugs (early), Gay Sex, Love, Social Issues (later)

  5. Hehehehe, Nickelback IS metal! Thanks for sharing, guys.

  6. Lol’d at the photo on Chad Kroeger’s page and the bio that notes he’s “engaged to gothic/black metal singer avril lavigne”.

  7. Damn, they took the Nickelback page down already. Just 404s now. Sad for me but happy for humanity.

  8. Such is life: just a fake Nickelback review fluttering in the wind.

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