(Andy Synn has finally reached his limit. And it was The Monolith Deathcult who pushed him to the brink.)
That’s it. I’m done. I’ve had all I can stands, and I can’t stands no more!
As a writer/review/self-important member of the liberal media conspiracy, I’ve come across a lot in my time writing for this site and for the various other publications which I occasionally do some work for.
But never before has a band so blatantly tried to buy my favour. And it’s just unacceptable.
You see, this is about more than just my honour and integrity, more than just my (now suspiciously full) bank balance. It’s about Ethics in Death Metal Journalism, dammit!
The Monolith Deathcult, after successfully eliminating two dissident members.
So yes, I’ll take their money. But I absolutely refuse to review Bloodcults, the band’s killer new EP.
I refuse to tell you about how it takes several tracks from their debut album The Apotheosis, makes some slight alterations to their basic structure (riffs and drums), and adds totally new lyrics, vocals, solos, and synths, in order to produce six brilliantly reworked and totally reinterpreted songs.
I refuse to talk about how it reins in the ostentatious orchestration and symphonic sadism from Triumvirate and Tetragrammaton ever so slightly– bringing a heavier focus to the band’s signature Death Metal sturm und drang, in all its overwhelming, face-melting glory, whilst still maintaining a suitably ominous and shamelessly melodramatic atmosphere that helps these hybrid compositions fit more closely with their current sonic style.
I absolutely will not comment on how “Reign of Hell” (which reinterprets “The Desecration of the Black Stone”) kicks things off with almost 8 minutes of cinematic, militaristic synth work, scattershot blast-beats, doom-laden chord progressions, scything tremolo runs, rippling rhythmic chuggery, and vocals that run the gamut from gut-rumbling gutturals to throat-scarring black metal snarls.
I’m not going to talk about how the sub-3-minute “I, Conquistador” reworks “Doomed to Slaughter” into an even more savage beast than it originally was, or how the brilliant “Der Hexenhammer” (originally “The Malleus Maleficarum Manuscript”) hits hard and fast with its massively melodic and potently infectious synth-based hooks, bolstered by some frankly humongous riff-work and monstrous vocals.
And I’m definitely not going to say anything about the pulsing synthetic backbone which underpins the relentless drums, blistering guitars, and titanic growls of the similarly stand-out “Doom of the Tawusê Melek” (aka “The Deserved Reputation Of Cruelty”), which features some of the catchiest and most head-bangable riffs and symphonic pomposity on the entire EP.
As a matter of fact, you couldn’t pay me enough to talk about “Hangmen Also Die” (“Der Kriegmeister”) and its near-unrelenting barrage of skin-stripping tremolo riffage, bone-crunching rhythm work, and two-headed, throat-shredding vocal napalm, or the biomechanical blitzkrieg of “Genesys” (a cybernetically enhanced recreation of “Colosseum Carnage”), a Blackened Death Metal barn-burner of frankly epic proportions.
Plus the less said about “Die Waffe Mensch (remix)” and the sombre acoustic reworking of “Den Ensomme Nordens Dronning” the better.
So, you see, I won’t be bought. No matter how genuinely awesome your EP might be. I just have too much integrity for that.
EDITOR’S NOTE: To preserve our self-respect, we will not tell you that The Monolith Deathcult have a Facebook page here or that their EP can be ordered at this place. And we’re definitely not telling you that TMDC gave an exclusive stream premiere of the whole EP to some other site, because why would you want to embarrass yourselves by listening to it?
Also, ignore these videos: