Dec 302011

(Phro remembers a few metal greats who left this world in 2011. He assures me that he in no way means disrespect to the departed or their bereaved families — this is just his Phro-like way of saying “Thanks for the rocking!”)

Last night, after forcing a pony to snort enough coke to kill an elephant and then drinking the O.D.ed pony’s blood, I passed out in a pond of vomited up pony blood and enchiladas.  (Nothing helps pony blood go down like Mexican food!)  And, like Paul fallen off his horse on the road to Damascus, I was visited by a savior: Seth Putnam.

“What the Virgin Mary’s bloody tampon??  Seth Putnam??  I though you were fucking dead!  Are you here to rape my dirty nose?”

He laughed like an angel (an angel who’d just woken up after doing a speedball out of a hooker’s torn anus, but an angel none the less.)

“Well, my child, that is true…I am dead.”

“Son of a…I knew that last pint was too fucking much.  Motherfucker.  So, I’m dead too and you’re here to take  me to hell?”

He laughed again.  This time it was more like the mirth of a child watching his or her first Tijuana donkey show.

“No, not at all!  I’m here to reveal my gospel to you to share with all the world!”

I punched myself in the dick to see if I was dreaming.  (A little pinch is nothing when you’re on pony blood—you need to inflict real pain.)  I screamed like a little kid seeing Sandusky’s face on TV.  At least I knew I wasn’t dreaming.  After panting in agony for a while, I regained composure and wheezed out a question.

“What’s…urg…your…gaaaa…gospel…uhhhrrrr…?” Continue reading »

Jun 122011

I would guess that most fans of extreme metal who’ve ever come across the name Anal Cunt have stopped at some point to listen to the band’s music. I mean, with a name like Anal Cunt, how could you not? Certainly, fans of grindcore know that band’s music, because they were grind ground-breakers.

Last night I saw internet rumors that the band’s founder and hard-living frontman Seth Putnam had died, but I couldn’t find any reliable confirmation. Now we have it, in the form of a statement by the band’s publicist Kim Kelly:

“Yes, it’s true. Seth Putnam, one of the most infamous musicians that extreme metal has ever seen, the grindcore GG Allin, has passed away due to a heart attack.

“I handled all the promotion for Anal Cunt’s last album, ‘Fuckin’ A,’ and Seth was always happy to oblige any request I sent his way. The band had been working on a new album before his passing, so chances are his musical career’s epitaph has yet to be inscribed.

“I want to remind everyone that no matter how outrageous and controversial his musical career has been, Seth was still a human being with friends and family that loved him. I’m hoping that the Internet will remember that. This is a very sad and trying time for those that knew him, and the last thing they need to see is an outpouring of message board hate. The man lived and died by his own rules; if anything, respect him for that.”

(a bit more after the jump . . .)

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