Jan 242010

I’m hung over. That could possibly explain my ornery reaction to a few recent pieces of news, courtesy of Blabbermouth. Here’s one:

Ozzy Osbourne is planning on releasing a concert DVD later this year featuring never-before-seen footage of his band — including late guitarist Randy Rhoads — performing in 1981. Ozzy wrote yesterday (Friday, January 22) on his Twitter profile after viewing the Randy-era material, “I’m speechless.”

Man, if that were only true — and if only Ozzy would remain speechless for the rest of his mush-mouthed life. And if there’s any remote chance that watching the DVD would render the rest of his grotesque family speechless, I hope he makes them watch it too.

So, I have to wonder, who would buy this? I’m envisioning wasted 50-something headbangers with beer guts the size of Montana and wandering minds, or teenagers who think it’s cool to be retro. Of course, it’s inevitable that someone will read this who doesn’t fall into either of those categories and will think I’m a complete asshole. Someone won’t mind Ozzy’s attempt to trade on the memory of a dead guy and will want to punch my lights out. To which I would say, get in the fucking line.

But wait! There’s more! (after the jump . . .) Continue reading »

Jan 052010

The dictionary defines “emetic” as an agent that induces vomiting. The following report on Blabbermouth this morning certainly triggered our gag reflex:

“POISON vocalist Bret Michaels and Ozzy Osbourne‘s wife/manager Sharon Osbourne will be featured in the new season of Donald Trump‘s“The Celebrity Apprentice”, which is scheduled to premiere on Sunday, March 14 at 9:00 p.m. EST with a special two-hour episode on NBC.

The official cast of Season 3 of “The Celebrity Apprentice” is as follows:

* Comedian/writer Carol Leifer
* Comedian/actor Sinbad
WWE wrestler Maria Kanellis
* Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich
Ozzy Osbourne‘s wife/manager Sharon Osbourne
* Track and field Olympian Michael Johnson
* Chef Curtis Stone
* Pop icon Cyndi Lauper
WWE heavyweight Bill Goldberg
* Baseball star Darryl Strawberry
POISON vocalist Bret Michaels
* Lingerie model Selita Ebanks
* Swimmer Summer Sanders
* Actress/author Holly Robinson Peete

Michaels was seen selling hamburgers to passers-by for $100 or more a piece on October 19, 2009 at 9 E. 53rd St. in New York City as part of his appearance on “The Celebrity Apprentice”. . . .

The celebrities . . . are subjected to long hours, grueling mental challenges, personality clashes and intense scrutiny — all without the help of their regular support system of agents, managers and personal assistants.”

Gimme a fuckin’ break. If we tried, we’d have a hard time coming up with a more bizarre collection of damaged goods. Bret Michaels?! Sharon Osborne?!  Darryl Strawberry?! Dirtbag deluxe Rod Blagojevich??!! All of them narcissistic pros at self-humiliation and embarrassment.  We wouldn’t watch this trash at gunpoint. Please tell us you won’t either.

I have to take a break now to wipe the spew off my keyboard.