I don’t really have time right now to embellish this story with my own snarky comments, but it really doesn’t need much embellishment — it’s fucking hysterical all by itself.
In a nutshell, over-the-hill fruitcake Ozzy Osbourne is paying a research lab to map his genome. The lab he’s using specializes in identifying and interpreting the genetic code of particular individuals in order to find links to disease. Usually, fat cats pay them to do this because they’ve got concerns over their health. But in Ozzy’s case, after decades of substance abuse, he’s trying to find out why he’s still alive, not what could kill him.
It’s kind of like donating your body to science, except while you’re still alive. And in Ozzy’s case, what kind of scientific advancement can we expect from the mapping of his genetic code? How to drink a fifth of vodka every day without turning your liver into Swiss cheese? Who knows? I guess we’ll find out.
Now, without further ado, here’s the gut-busting piece that reporter Georgina Gustin wrote for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch (which we saw in today’s Seattle Times at this location). Your own snarky comments will be welcome.
ST. LOUIS — He is famous for many things. For his eerie scream. For his “Satan worship.” For biting the head off a dove. And a bat.
But Ozzy Osbourne mostly has become famous for indulging in decades of near-legendary substance abuse — the kind that would vanquish most — and surviving.
Scientists now may find out why. (more hilarity after the jump . . .)