Yesterday, in a post titled “Kill Me Now”, I inflicted injury on your eyes and ears by borrowing a music video I saw on MetalSucks by a Japanese band called Baby Metal. As it turns out, the Japanese aren’t the only people making metal for children (and adults with the minds of children). The Finns do it, too. But of course, being from the most metal country on Earth (which has been statistically proven), the Finns do it better.
Thanks to an e-mail I received this morning from an NCS reader named Ville, I’ve got three music videos plus one more song. The bands are called SauruXet, Hevisaurus, and Moottörin Jyrinä (“thunder of a motor”). I like the last band best, mainly because I’m dubious that dinosaurs can play metal. But fuck, it’s Finland, so maybe their dinosaurs can do that.
If this is what children in Finland listen to, that may help explain why 75% of Finnish children join metal bands when they get older. Watch this shit after the jump.
(Ville tells me that the name of this song in English is “here come the dinosaurs”)
(Ville says the title of this song means “stupid adult”)
And here’s one more song from the last band. According to Ville, this song title means “cleaning day” and the music comes from the Trooper.
Makes me wana headbang…a concrete wall cought on fire.
You Finns even do self-abuse more metal than anyone else!
My 2 year old was ENTHRALLED by the Hevisaurus videos. Thank Odin’s grizzled man-teats, I’ll have something better for him to watch than Barney.
He’ll be headbanging in no time.
Looks like I’ll have to get some Fucking Good Pancake Tour shirts made in infant sizes.
He actually has headbanging down pretty well… throwing the horns is giving him a bit of trouble though.
I actually taught a pair of 2-year olds how to headbang and throw up the horns when I worked in a daycare.
You must have been a big hit with the mommies and daddies.
Much better than what kids are targeted with here.
This was my childrens music when I was 7. http://youtu.be/WI4yk-XeMBQ
This explains a lot. 🙂
This was mine:
Man, I haven’t thought about Savoy Brown in a looooong time. Great song, that one.
Where was this shit when I was a kid? And why don’t I live in Finland?
I think my favorite part was the guy windmilling on the upright bass.
You gotta love an upright bass in a metal band!
I gotta love an upright bass in a psychobilly band, but that’s my own personal fetish.
Ha! Reading the comments where it explains Suruxet branched of from Hevisaurus. Something about a label dispute with Sony. Its so hilarious that people can catch beef over something as innocuous as heavy metal foam ruber dinosaurs for children.
The branching-off story makes sense, because there are one or two, er, similarities between the bands.
Similarities? You’re fucking bonkers. Hevisaurus is obviously dinosaur metal for kids, whereas SauruXet is plainly metal dinosaurs for children. They’re NOTHING alike.
I triedwatching some of them, but the singing just didn’t do much for me….
Also, I didn’t see any prepubescent girls giving me the “I’m-Gonna-Kill-You-And-Rape-Your-Soul” eyes like the girl from the Grudge. That’s kind of a turn off for me.
The dinosaurs were cute in the first video though.
(I’ve just started drinking.)
I’m working on shit for next week, but it’s a slow going process…sorry….
No worries — I’ve got a pretty good stockpile of guest pieces that will at least get me through the first week.
I’m almost to the point where the fucktopus uses my ass like a sock puppet.
I can hardly wait.
Actually, it’s possible I could comfortably wait forever to get this.
You just don’t want to admit that you wanna motorboat my hairy tits.
I wonder if it’s time for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to make another album.
(Yes, there is a TMNT album, and I have it.)