Only four days ago we decided to snoop around and see what we could find out about the nefarious machinations of one of our favorite death metal bands — the mysterious, often brutal, often comedic Dutch maniacs in The Monolith Deathcult. You can read what we learned through our sleuthing in this post, which includes demo tracks that may or may not become part of the band’s new album, TETRAGRAMMATON (like I said . . . mysterious).
Today we learned about developments that will be of riveting interest to TMDC fans. Some of what we have to report is officially confirmed, and some of it is . . . of mysterious origin. The first bit of news seems to be official, since it appeared moments ago on the TMDC Facebook page. It concerns the band’s signing by Dutch-based TMR Productions. I’m pretty sure the wording of the announcement will also give you some chuckles.
The second piece of news . . . not yet officially confirmed, arrived by way of a scrap of paper that drifted through the window of the NCS editorial offices from the opened claws of a member of the NCS carrier pigeon aeronaut squadron, who serve our needs for the timely delivery of important news, as well as pigeon droppings. If this is to be believed, TMDC have been signed to a global deal by Season of Mist for the release of TETRAGRAMMATON.
An image of that scrap of paper, which appears to be a draft announcement of some kind, appears at the top of this post. A larger, more legible version can be viewed after the jump.
First, here is TMDC’s announcement of the promotion deal:
After years of being ignored by festivals and booking agencies, Dutch-based TMR Promotions has had the courage to add The Monolith Deathcult on their artist roster.
Analysts stated, ”we have no doubt that TMDC’s snobbish behaviour, catastrophic live shows and complete disrespect for the genre caused this 10-year boycot, but they have done it again. 400 years after the abominable slave trade, the Dutch have finally found a way to push another atrocity unto mankind. Sooner or later our children will ask: “How Did This Happen?”
TMDC WORLD WIDE EXCLUSIVE BOOKING & MARGIN CALLS:
And now here’s a blow-up of that scrap of paper:
Now THAT is how the fuck you market a goddamn album.
I will buy that so hard my wallet will pass out from exhaustion.
I can neither confirm nor deny the origin of this draft announcement. I’ve been attempting to reason with the pigeon aeronaut who brung it, but to no avail. He just makes cooing noises. I’m afraid I’m going to have to threaten to toss him into the loris compound.
Have you tried using some good old anal torture?
I have hooks, chains, and oversized dice for just such an occasion.
Excellent ideas. I just read them to the aeronaut and he’s now whimpering instead of cooing. I don’t have all the tools you mention, though. Have to find some oversized dice . . .
Rubicks cubes or wedding rings also work.
Not exactly one’s own idea: give it a maple syrup enema and seat it on anthill with a funnel up its butt.
That was in equal parts annoying and disturbing to read… And reminded one to shriek expletives as one has suffered another day of them not having disbanded and died.
…At least their music takes one’s mind off their lunacy.
I prefer to think of it as their lunacy takes one’s mind to their music. And then they have a dirty splooge fest in one’s brain. And then they leave without even offering to help whip down the walls….
That’s true… But, one doesn’t have to think about their non-musical antics while listening to their music. Those feel a little too overt to one. And not in the “So overt, it’s covert” way… 😐
I’ve never heard that phrase before…it tickles my fancy.
I like antics! (What a surprise, right?)
Which phrase? “So overt, it’s covert”?
Sometime during the first 10 minutes of Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows.
Ah! I haven’t seen it yet…now more reasons to do so!
Just received my Season of Mist e-newsletter……..first item was confirming they have signed TMDC!
!!! If only I had received this news a bit earlier. Now I’ve got to get my wedding ring back out of the pigeon’s butt.
If only you had taken up one’s unoriginal idea instead. Now you just have one more reason to curse TMDC everyday.
If only your idea had come in before Phro’s. But you’ll be happy to know that after I got my wedding ring back, I give the pigeon the maple syrup enema and staked it to the anthill with the funnel up its butt as punishment for all that cooing in response to my interrogation. One must maintain strict discipline with one’s aeronautical employees or they’ll just fly right off the radar screen, so to speak.
Wow. These guys need to stop goofing around trying to write English, and start making some friggin’ music.
HA! You can’t fool me . . . I know you’ve already made the friggin’ music. You just need to LET US HAVE IT!
I was gonna make a joke about you sounding like a quaterback trying to talk a prom queen into sex…
BUT THEY NEED TO LET US HAVE IT!!!
for all you impatient wankers a piece of new music: http://snd.sc/y5RAzy
DON’T CHANGE A THING! I think you have your first single right there. Sonic booooooooms!!
Pfft, you gave in to pressure from “the man”.
Well, “a man”. Possibly.
Well… He’s a man with savage lorises and carrier pigeons. If not fearsome, that does make him creepy at the least.