Apr 302012

What the fuck is it with this metal cruise phenomenon? First there was 70,000 Tons of Metal. Then came the Barge To Hell. And now we have the 2012 Mayhem Festival Cruise, as announced by a just-released video trailer.

NCS reader, heartless commentator, and sometimes writer KevinP has been riding my ass mercilessly about signing up for the Barge To Hell, especially since I foamed at the mouth about the line-up in this post. I’ve been sorely tempted, restrained only by the need to figure out how to explain to my non-metalhead wife that I plan to desert her for a week of partying on the Caribbean with a bunch of loose women and KevinP.

But now, things have gotten even more complicated: The Barge To Hell is scheduled to return to port in Miami on December 7, and December 7 is when the Mayhem Festival Cruise departs Miami. Maybe the timing would work out so’s I could stagger off one ship and stagger right onto the next one for another 4 days of getting massively fucked up by metal and alcohol, and being molested by more loose women!

It’s damned tempting, because Gojira is the headliner.

Actually, they’re not being billed as the main attraction — though they should be. Instead, the main attractions are Lamb of God, Machine Head, Anthrax, Hatebreed, Suicide Silence, and Kingdom of Sorrow. There are other bands, too, though to be brutally honest, which is the only kind of honest we know how to be at NCS, I’m mainly interested in Gojira and Battlecross.

Those other bands are:

Girl On Fire
Born of Osiris
Anti Mortem,

To get details about the cruise, go here. Here’s the video trailer:


  1. Lamb of God, Machine Head, Anthrax, Suicide Silence AND Gojira? Sounds promising.

    Also due to my superstitious nature I’ve refrained from looking too much into Barge to Hell, but I’ve looked at the lineup finally (maybe I looked it at it before, and just forgot) and, uh, Rotting Christ is on there?! I would go just for them. Too bad I’m a poor Delawarean. I hope they plan on touring the U.S. soon.

  2. Islander, on a serious note, I’m married with an 8 yr old and I’ve done both 70K and now this. Your wife has next to nothing to worry about. While its not nearly as much of a sausage fest as one thinks it will be, it’s still not packed with loads of hot chicks. And it’s fairly tame when it comes to any depravity, very little of that stuff happened at all. Any loose woman on the cruise seem to be band groupies anyway, so they won’t be bothered with us schlubs.

    And there is metal being played from 10am to almost 5am, so there isn’t even time to jerk off, let alone waste it on banging some random pig.

    It’s basically show, some food, show, show, eat again, show, show, show, grab 2-4 hours of sleep and repeat.

  3. And the actual metal brotherhood of these cruises are mind boggling and one of the huge reasons to go.. Everyone is having a total blast, no worries, everyone (including the bands) are just in total awe of the whole spectacle, you’ll thank yourself for doing it every minute of the day 🙂

  4. holy fuck….I need a way to Miami from Pennsylvania.

  5. I looked into this but im not to sure about it. Seems pretty weak! I mean unless your loaded you have horrible seating and you are told what shows you get to go see. If I want to leave a set half way through and then go to another show Im not allowed.

    Seems like Mayhem brought Buzz Killington on board. I think I will spend my money on the Barge to Hell Cruise instead. WAY BETTER.

    Go check it out and compare festivals and Im sure you will agree. I wanna have fun at my leisure not when a festival tells me to.


  6. Rob, I agree. But the worst part is all those bands, besides Gojira and Anthrax, it sucks beyond belief.

    Not to mention the litany of Affliction shirts you’ll see

 Leave a Reply

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>



This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.