May 102015


(We received such an overwhelmingly positive response to Father Synn’s first Metal Confessional last Sunday that he has returned, ready once again to hear your sins and mete out the penance.)

Greetings once more my faithful congregation! Can it really have been a whole week since last we bared our souls (and, in some cases, a little more than that…) to one another? Oh, how the time flies when you’re wallowing in sin…

Surely in the last seven days some amongst you have committed yet more egregious crimes against the great name of Metal? Or perhaps you’ve simply garnered the courage to finally admit to your past mistakes?

Whatever the case, Father Synn is here once more to listen and pass judgement. Yet, as always, I will lead the way, by admitting to yet more of my own fallibilities and failings…



1. I prefer Shadows of the Sun by Ulver to anything from their early Black Metal years.

2. I absolutely hate the falsetto at the end of “Cemetery Gates” by Pantera.

3. I have seen Cannibal Corpse live umpteen times. But have only not been bored once.

4. See above, but replace “Cannibal Corpse” with “My Dying Bride”.

5. I still don’t like Manowar.


Now my friends, who among you will be the first to step forward and be redeemed?


EDITOR’S NOTE TO READERS: Once again, please show us on the doll where Father Synn touched you.



  1. 1. Cannibal Corpse peaked at Bloodthirst and it’s been downhill since then

    2. I only started listening to Dio and King Diamond after 25 years of listening to metal

    3. Whilst I freely acknowledge that Babymetal are a legitimate metal band, I dislike them and yet still want to see them live in Japan

    4. I love black metal but cannot get on with Darkthrone

    5. Anthems to the Welkin at Dusk is the most overrated black metal of all time

    • Ah, my child. So close. Truly it seemed as though your sins were but the merest triflings. But then… oh then… thou didst profane the sacred name of Emperor, and truly, that is a sin most foul.

      I charge thee to listen to the entire Cradle of Filth back catalogue… then perhaps you will appreciate the true path all the more.

    • I’ve been a black metal fan for years now, and I have tried to get into Emperor on multiple occasions and I just cannot do it. I love many of the classics…Darkthrone, Bathory, Dissection, etc. But I’ve listened to “In the Nightside Eclipse” more than just a few times and it doesn’t do anything for me.

  2. 1. I’m terribly unfamiliar with old school thrash outside of the Big 4, and even there I have some holes in my experience.

    2. I don’t like Anthrax and Slayer has a couple great songs but overall I don’t see what the big deal is.

    3. I think Suffocation’s debut is totally run-of-the-mill by today’s standards. Doesn’t hold up.

    4. I’m not that crazy about Morbid Angel’s material post-Altars.

    5. Since you mentioned Ne Obliviscaris last time- I hate to be “that guy” but I think their demo is the best thing they’ve ever done and even sounds better than their full-lengths.

    • I see shreds of enlightenment within you my son. I recommend that thou seekest out “Hiraeth” and “Sarabande to Nihil” by Ne Obliviscaris… or just wait for my review next week.

  3. i have albums by hammerfall and helloween, and i like them
    i really like diabolus in musica. in fact, it was the album that got me into slayer
    i love def leppard’s first 3 albums, and most of hysteria

  4. 1. I think thrash metal is just death metal played really poorly.
    2. Dio’s voice does nothing for me and I won’t touch any material he sang for, even though Black Sabbath is one of my favorite bands of all time.
    3. Metallica died with Cliff Burton, and even Master of Puppets was the beginning of the end.
    4. I like all of Colin Marston’s projects. Even revived Gorguts. Even Behold…The Arctopus!. All of them.
    5. Doom metal isn’t metal.
    Special girlfriend edition #6. My girlfriend says Sunn O))) sounds like a retard trying to learn how to play the guitar, and I agree.

    • Most of thy declarations may be dismissed as simple opinion, which we must all bear ourselves, in pride and in shame… but no. 5 shall take some backing up my child, lest it be seen simply as a sweeping generalisation, born out of ignorance.

      • Crush him Father! Crush him beneath the boot of ESOTERIC!

        • Esoteric is actually the band I was thinking of when I commented. I just think doom metal is too slow and the intensity never really increases at all. It has more in common with drone/ambient music and highly distorted hard rock than metal. It’s mostly really the drumming that gets me. Just 4/4 rock beats. But hey, feel free to change my mind. I’m patient.

          • I suspect most of my suggestions have already been ruled out by your explanation. But I’ll toss this out there, just because I happen to be listening to it right now:


            • Awesome tune, I like it. This is more varied than most of the doom metal I’ve heard, though…definitely a little death metal influence in this. That big double bass outro is awesome. Thanks for the recommendation!

              • Behold the mighty STORMCROWFLEET

                • Whew. I really don’t like that. I did give it a solid shot but that’s really everything I don’t like about doom there. Unrelentingly slow tempo, virtually no variation in the riffs. Also don’t like that style of keyboard work much. I did look it up and it’s apparently a true legend of the genre, so thanks for the recommendation, I’ll finish slogging through the rest of it one day!

  5. This is the best!

  6. 1) We should think about using these posts to highlight some of your favorites from previous weeks, perhaps suggest some solutions (IE, folks saying ‘I dont like ______’, we try to suggest a song that could turn them around) would allow for folks to get a good laugh out of what is likely a serial sunday goof off post. Its easy to tell which ones are bullshit, so we could cut down on folks trying to get some fifteen minutes of fame.

    2) My friend’s uncle one time won tickets via the radio to go see Korn, Mudvayne, and 10 Years. 10 Years were so bland that after they got done with their big ‘hit’, our local arena was pretty much dead quiet, so I yelled at them to play it again….and it echoed across the whole arena. Not a sin, but fuck you, my first legit concert was Korn, Disturbed and Trust Company so I’m pretty much irredeemable at this point anyway.

  7. 1) Most artists that combine both clean and harsh vocals suck (gojira being one, periphery another)
    2) Angela only had one good album – Wages of Sin, the rest of the time either she, or (well) usually the band sucked
    2.5) Arch Enemy’s only good albums are the first 4, after that they forgot how to write.
    3) Saw Cannibal Corpse at Tuska a few years ago, kept on drinking ignoring them…..add Megadeth with them (bored off my skull).
    4) Why is is that most female fronted bands suck, the girls are great vocalists, but it seams like the backing band forgot how to play (Epica, post Nightwish Tarja material, Within Temptation)

    • I believe in truth that what thou complainest about in 4 is more a case that the bands suck, and themselves trying to fit into some sort of “female-fronted” bracket themselves. It has little, in truth, to do with the actual women themselves, and more the fault of the musicians behind them resting on their laurels.

      Forsooth, Landmine Marathon are female-fronted, yet care not for that label.

  8. Don’t really get the appeal behind King Diamond’s voice.

    Also, Father Synn touched me upon my forehead, because he is a blessed man doing the blessed Lord Iommi’s work. I can’t begin to fathom why you would insinuate that he most definitely caressed my hips on five separate occasions while using a trap door in the confessional booth.

    • Ooh, two more:

      1. Blind Guardian are the fucking shit, and I won’t let anyone tell me otherwise.

      2. My first concert was a Rockstar Mayhem tour with Avenged Sevenfold and Disturbed. I actually enjoyed the latter at the time, and still love some of what the former did (but fuck Hail to the King, on that note).

    • Dammit. He promised he would lay off the hips. I hope he had the gloves on. You really don’t want to know where those fingers have been.

    • At least thou didst not say what I touched you on the forehead WITH…

  9. most congregees failed to deliver their sins, they fell to the ever paramount “sacrileges”‘ deceit;
    a sin is a signal of the evil of the deep, which is somewhere in the opinion of an opinion

  10. 1. I don’t think that “Draconian Times” is the best album by Paradise Lost.

    2. “Domination” is the last good album by Morbid Angel to me!

    3. I have your same feeling on Pantera.

    4. Despite of the sound’s quality the albums in “Pentagram” and “Antichrist” by Gorgoroth are two masterpieces.

  11. Lets see…

    1. I like Mercyful Fate but really start to get annoyed with King Diamond’s voice after about half of an album.

    2. I think most modern death metal and tech-death just sounds trendy and over produced.

    3.Speaking of trendy and over produced, djent is not a real genre in my opinion.

    4. I love Carcass but really don’t like their first album.

    5. I also don’t like Manowar.

  12. Land Phil is a death metal genius. I know that doesn’t fit what we’re doing here but i just wanted to say it 🙂

  13. 1. My first concert was Sepultura way back when Max already left, and I loved it
    2. My second concert was Avenged Sevenfold, I loved that too and I went back for more a couple times over. I still like their first 2 albums even though certain metal encyclopedias don’t consider them metal.
    3. I never really got the hype over Slayer either and firmly believe that Tempo of the Damned is Exodus’ crowning achievement, even though a huge amount of Exodus fans hate it.
    4. I once went to a Deafheaven concert. I remained for the whole thing because I went with a friend that I didn’t want to disappoint if I left after the 1st song. It was worse than watching a Cannibal Corpse gig, seriously.
    5. This might be pure conjecture: but I never understood the hype over Master of Puppets, maybe it’s cos my cassette tape got mangled and my memory of the album over all these years is twisted.
    6. And finally, in my senior year of high school: my buddies all listened to Metallica, but mostly just worshipped the black album. I’m not friends with them anymore because I claimed Californication by RHCP was more metal.

  14. 1. I cannot get into Deafheaven
    2. My first concert was an Underoath/Saosin show
    3. Megadeath just doesn’t appeal to me, even though I understand it’s the riff work that got them famous and not that horrid Mustaine whining.
    4. I still owe a dude 20 bucks for buying me an Inquisistion shirt while he was shit faced.
    5. I ordered my patches from Etsy!

  15. 1.) I find Onward to Golgotha outright boring and don’t understand the hype…

    2.) The first time I listened to “In the Shadows of a Thousand Suns” by Abigail Williams and “In the Nightside Eclipse” by Emperor I listened to them fairly close together and liked the Abigail Williams record more…

    3.) I still don’t “get” the early, venerated grindcore albums (e.g. From Enslavement to Obliteration, World Downfall, Horrified, Reek of Putrefaction…though as penance I will keep trying…)

    4.) With the exception of a few songs, At the Gates gets a solid “meh” from me…

    5.) And finally, this, of all posts, is the first one I have commented on after 3+ years of lurking…

    • 6.) I should also apparently not mess with scripts until I have a better idea what I’m doing, whoopsie…also, I find the aesthetic of “war metal” to be the most ridiculous of all in all of Metaldom…

    • Welcome to the collective… come forth, into the light!

      • Father, in view of No. 6, I recommend a severe penance, perhaps beginning with administration of an emetic and concluding with application of coals to the bottom of the feet,

  16. Forgive me, Father, I don’t know what I did, but Spotify saw fit to recommend King 810 to me this week. My lack of knowledge is as much a sin as the recommendation itself.

  17. Things I recently think I should have felt otherwise:
    1. I never liked Queen.
    2. I never listened to one Rush album.
    3. I couldn’t finish Cattle Decapitation’s last album in one listen.

  18. 1. It’s taken me 30 years, but I’m finally starting to like black metal.
    2. I’m still not too much into techdeath.
    3. I prefer death metal with groove over brutality for its own sake.
    4. The older I get, bands who can play slower interest me more than bands that play fast.
    5. I like Testament’s entire discography. Even their 90’s output.

    • Enlightenment comes to us all in time.

      Here are some more bands thou shalt surely appreciate:

      Secrets of the Moon

  19. 1. I’ve never listened to Metallica’s first 4 albums and I have no intention of ever doing so.
    2. I was more excited about seeing Converge than At The Gates on that recent tour
    3. I own one band shirt, and it’s not even for a metal band.
    4. I think Nachtmystium got alot cooler when they added all those synths and darkwave elements to their sound.
    5. I probably listened to Taylor Swift’s newest album more than any metal album released last year.

    • Truly, that is a veritable litany of sins.

      Thy only saving grace is track 4, for there is no shame in being an Assassin. Or an Addict (just ask Blake!)

  20. Hi Father Synn.. I’m back for more

    1. I condemn metal elitism with a vengeance and try not to be one myself. But if anyone dares speak against Chuck Schuldiner, I will cut them.
    2. I still dont understand what’s good about Meshuggah. This is based on a recent listen of their latest release, Koloss

  21. 1) I like super cheesy euro-flower-power metal (Fairyland, Stratovarius, anything Luca Turilli, Sonata Arctica) it’s what got me into metal. However the whiny emo-vox many “extreme” metal acts employ (mainly scene bands) make me want to kill babies while laughing hysterically
    2) I like Incubus. S.C.I.E.N.C.E., Make Yourself, and Morning View are some of the best hard rock albums to come out of that era.
    3)As much as I like Tool…they’re super pretentious and that makes me angry.

    • 3)As much as I like Tool…they’re super pretentious and that makes me angry.

      It has to be the fans. I found myself turning on them after being super deep into their music when I was younger and I found that I faulted the fans. It felt like pseudo intellectualism and considering that the band themselves owned up to 90% of what they were saying being bullshit over the course of their career, it had to be the buyers of said bullshit, right?

  22. 1) First-Wave Black Metal is some of the most boring music ever put to tape
    2) That being said, I adore experimental and technical black metal, I’ve even grown fond of some post-black bands (Deafheaven, Black Strip, Sorrow Plagues, Altar of Plagues)
    3) I think Cryptopsy got five times better after getting rid of Lord Worm (minus those shit ‘core albums)
    4) Obscura is the best Gorguts album
    5) I’ll take well done grind over anything any day of the week
    6) Megadeath sucks
    7) I’ve never even sought out Bathory
    8) I will worship everything Aaron Turner touches except for Isis (post-metal is just meh but Old Man Gloom and Sumac are incredible)

  23. 1. I don’t like Meshuggah. I own and have listened to all of their albums. I have live DVDs. I don’t see what’s interesting about them. It’s just a bunch of rythems thrown together.

    2. I’ve watched Manowar’s Warriors of The World music video hundreds of times.

  24. 1. I used to listen to Marilyn Manson, Korn, Godsmack, and Metallica as a teenager.

    2. Despite listening to death and black and blackened death metal for over a decade, I don’t and doubtfully ever will understand the appeal of death growls and blackened shrieks, only tolerate them because they’re still mostly better than sissy clean vocals unless it’s “manly” or at least “not-unmanly” like from Manowar, Bathory, Judas Priest, Armored Saint, half of Wilderun, or… see sin #4.

    3. I grew my hair out, went to my first metal concert, then cut it off.

    4. I frequently listen to j-pop from anime and I love it; Aoi Eir, Nana Mizuki, Yoko Hikasa and the three of Kalafina rule my libido.

    5. “Metal elitism” is a strawman; show me ONE example. Even if it weren’t, I see absolutely nothing wrong with knowing what you like, knowing what you don’t like, and being loud and proud of both. Especially when everyone else can be “elitist” about their love or hate of rap or country or whatever. For those who’ve gotten their feewings hurt over someone pissing on their favorite band, even going so far as to calling you a plebe or a casual for it: have you tried not being a pussy? You’d think people who listen to songs about rape, torture and Satanism wouldn’t be insecure little bitches!


      6. I think those who listen to music about murder, war, Satan-worship, etc. without batting an eye, but get bent out of shape about white pride, are retards. What’s the point of compartmentalizing? It’s all bad, and metal is about being outrageous and shocking so if you’re not shocked you’re doing it wrong. And besides, hypocrites, your favorite stuff is way worse — anyone who thinks “I hate black people” is worse than “I ram a sword up your cunt” needs their morality checked. “B-but racial hatred leads to violence!!” Yeah, and smoking marijuana leads to meth and heroin. *smack*

      • So you call racism, “white pride”? Maybe you shouldn’t have thought of one more.

      • You seem to just be enjoying having a conversation with yourself here.

        But, just so you know… having two different opinions about things doesn’t necessarily equate to hypocrisy. And in all honest, you come across here as not wanting, or caring, to know the difference. You just seem happy to have something to get bent out of shape about and have a rant at these unnamed “hypocrites”, since apparently you’re denied a soapbox anywhere else.

        We’re really not here to be your therapist dude. Your problems with “insecure little bitches” are your own. Although that seems to be the pot calling the kettle here.

        And, guess what… Metal doesn’t HAVE to be just about being “shocking”. Maybe that’s all it is to you. Or an excuse to act “manly”. But who the fuck are you to tell other people they’re “being a pussy” by not living up (or, it seems, down) to your set of arbitrary standards?

        If this is really the way you think and act… yeah… you’re probably not going to like a lot of what we do here.

  25. Agree about Ulver, love that album and the direction they went all together. The split with Sunn was boring though.

    My “confessions” are simple, I find most Death Metal to be extremely boring, and the same goes with Thrash, be in Anthrax or Kreator. Never enjoyed Maiden, Mercyful Fate, or Judas Priest. War Metal is often a joke, Blasphemy and all those bands are nonsense.

    And not loving My Dying Bride? To each their own I guess.

  26. Here’s a few more:

    Outside of Slayer’s Reign in Blood, everything out of the bay area thrash scene boars me to tears
    I fail to see what is so amazing about Faith No More…and Mike Patton for that matter

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