(DGR, who has recently assumed the brand new title of Press-Entertainer Relations Viceroy (PERV) at the site formerly known as No Clean Singing, has prepared the following important announcement concerning our exciting future, and yours!)
As some of you may have been aware recently, we at No Clean Singing have been experiencing a modicum of success, traffic-wise, and as a result we have caught the eye of a couple of potential investors over the years. Today, you might have seen some news articles going around, but we can officially confirm that we have been purchased by Downfall Trust Co. Inc. for an undisclosed sum, to be added to their roster of “up-and-coming” websites.
We’re excited to be part of this new company, especially given that we have quite a few writers in tech-heavy cities who will likely be huge assets in the days to come. However, as with all purchases, there will likely be some changes going forward and we here at No Clean Singing will be doing our best to make the transition as smooth as possible whilst we continue forging into the future, providing new and exciting content for all of you to read!
We look forward to your continued support during this time of change and are eager to share with you what will likely be multiple fruits of our labor over the coming months!
First things first, Islander will be stepping down as Chief Editing Officer here at No Clean Singing. It has been fun, but as these things tend to go, sometimes a position change is usually in order for the people at the top of the totem pole. However, hope is not lost as he is actually moving into a new position entitled Chief Operating Editor. He has been assured that there will be no change in responsibilities and that his pay (currently zero) will remain the same. However, we felt the need to inform you that he is no longer the CEO and is now the COE.
Second, we’ve actually hired former Pantera/current Hellyeah drummer Vinnie Paul to write an advice column for us. Some of you may be familiar with Mr. Paul’s magazine work, so we could not be any more excited to count him among our ranks! You may have realized this already, though, but Mr. Paul’s services tend to be rather expensive, so we opted to go for the next best thing — which is a Vinnie Paul bot, programmed with some of the best interchangeable advice he tended to give as part of his magazine column. Right now it seems to be stuck though, as it seems like it only has one response – consisting of “Eat more pussy”.
A color change! A new site means a new look, and since everything else will be changing around these here dwellings, we figured maybe if we updated our look for the Year of Our Lemmy 2016 then perhaps we could draw some new readers. We’ve been flying ye ole Red and Black for some time now, but to be honest with you, it tends to make us look like a basketball team playing a home game, so we’re fishing for new possibilities.
Right now, our front runner as suggested by two of the other NCS writers is Crimson and Onyx, which I have seen and let me tell you, it is going to be exciting to see the reactions to that one!
A change to the review system! As many of you are aware, we at NCS haven’t really had much of a review “system” in place, moreso longform essays often written about upcoming albums or, as has often happened, discs that have been out for a while. We will be working to tweak that during this transformation period and in doing so will actually establish something of a review system — which is pretty exciting.
We won’t be using numbered scores, as we have discovered during internal debates that albums tend to just come in three qualities, Great, Good/Passable, and Godawful, and in order to represent that we have decided to use the phrases Full Mast, Half Mast, and Flaccid as our new review descriptors, because let’s be fair, wouldn’t it be more exciting to have a disc leave you at “Full Mast” rather than just know it’s a great album?
And finally, a name change. This one is big, as we’ve been No Clean Singing for years now, but the name and reference tends to be very dated and doesn’t really reflect the site anymore. For those of you not in the know, No Clean Singing was born as a joke, at Bury Your Dead’s expense, and let’s be real here, it’s 2016. All I need to say is “Bury Your Dead“, and folks tend to start laughing, so a joke at a joke starts to look a little reductive and naval gazey. (Note from the COE: It was not a joke! And neither is Bury Your Dead!)
Therefore, to reflect our new ownership and focus on all things metal(tm) we’re changing our name to That Metal ‘Zine. We have been assured that this name isn’t taken and the abbreviation apparently really resonates with our recent focus group tests. So we look forward to laying NCS on the funeral pyre and being reborn as That Metal ‘Zine.
Here’s to a wonderful 2016 and many vacation photos from the Bahamas.
Well, it’s about time!
Right? Way past time for a total do-over. Way past time to cash in. Always wanted to write from the Bahamas.
The change I welcome least is a post with no music in it. In fact, I had to write a sort of impression of music with no embeds myself last night, as I had some rip-roaring news to share myself.
You’ll never guess who’s back in baring business. The reunion we’ve been praying to the dark lord for has finally happened. Emperor is back! Vital, vile and sophisticated as ever, and I’m feverishly thrilled!
Not baring. Roaring. Hell, I’m still shaking of exhilaration.
HOC EST A IOCUM! QUI LEGITIS FLORES! COLLAUDATE CANTICUM! CREDULA DECEPTUM! 🙂
You ought to be ashamed of yourself for foisting such rank and irresistible clickbait upon the masses. We, on the other hand, are very proud of ourselves.
Bait? These are the very best of news. And I’m stickin’ to it. At least until midnight.
I fucking love this site. I fucking love it. I just needed to say that. Fucking good job!
Have a nice day!
Don’t feel like you ever have to hold back when you feel like expressing these sentiments. You don’t need any specific excuses, just let it out whenever and wherever (and as often as possible). Thank you. 🙂
I hate this site. And all who sail within her.
Your hate is our nourishment. Though I could do with a little more habanero sauce.
Can we make “YOUR HATE IS OUR NOURISHMENT”…..the new NCS header? Please!!!
Can we get a T-shirt with that as well?
Not a bad idea… I continue to toy with the idea of releasing another shirt and have been wondering what to put on it….
Do it, Do it, Do it!
That Metal ‘Zine
Your Hate is Our Nourishment
Please, take my money. I bid over 9000 Bahamas’ Bananas.
Now that’s what I’m talking about! Bidding wars… will make it all worthwhile. I’m at full mast over the idea now.
Wow, I guess this is kind of a big deal. And I for one look forward to this upcoming transition and expect to continue to read all the awesome stuff you guys gonna prepare like you always did.
I also feel the writers and readers here tend to express their mutual appreciation on a fairly frequent basis – probably too frequent for a metal site. But I guess that’s good for maintaining a healthy site-reader bound, as in a relationship? I dunno…anyway, I love this site, and no subscription fee please.
Its an April Fools Day joke
…Seriously, like anyone would ever buy a site that lets someone like me actually post comments 🙂
Thank you for your love! The only person who actually pays subscription fees is SurgicalBrute, because, as he notes, there’s no other way he would be allowed to post comments here.
See like I said, April Foo…Wait a minute, what do you mean Im the only one who pays!
Awww a April fools day joke…hope that subscription fee didn’t inspire anything.
Wait, Islander isn’t paid? Then why have I been sending him blank checks all this time?!
Being kind-hearted and generous? And enabling me to keep the loris horde from breaking into the house and tearing me limb from limb?
Wait, so did Metalsucks rip off your joke, or did you rip Metalsucks off
…Dammit Islander, you better not be getting article ideas from Metalsucks!
What did they do? I don’t go over there very much.
Similar idea…Basically saying theyve been bought out by a larger company and that Axl and Vince are retiring. I doubt they were expecting the idea to get quite that much support though
HA! Well, I think it must have been coincidental — DGR sent me the text for our post more than a month ago, and I assume the MS piece must have been in the works for a while too.
Waiting patiently to see if the band Cormorant does an April Fool’s post. I’ve read this one from a few years ago probably 10 times since and it still cracks me up:
Hmmmm…. 1 April Fool’s Day…?!?!
This post has me at full mast.
You’re right. That is a lot more exciting.
It’s so gratifying to see the new terminology being adopted so quickly.
Great post, but I’m only at half-mast. It sucks getting old.
Just wait ’til we finish the full roll-out of TMZ. We’ll have to warn people to seek medical assistance if they’re at full mast for more than four hours.
the only thing i like about this post is i could finally snag the skulls photo
The new ownership insists on charging for the skulls. They seem to think $10 per skull is reasonable.
lord gave mercy on your poor and humble slave
If I had like three million bucks handy I’d buy the site for a million and make zero changes, just so y’all could get paid for your fine work. Then again, if I had three million bucks I might not be listening to metal at all, because I wouldn’t need the catharsis just to keep me sane. And I’d buy more music. And start a band. And feed the hungry. But y’all are on the list someplace, seriously.
Aw hell, that was a really nice thing to say. Thank you.
From the heart of the heartless I say congratulations,it’s always good to be paid for what you love.I myself get paid to writhe in the filth that is death metal in it’s most vicious forms ( no melodeath for me) Melody actually hurts my ears and my horns tend to shrink back into my skull. Nasty stuff.
New name for the site conjures up memory of a cancelled television program. That’s the best that could have been done here?
I admit, it left me pretty Flaccid, too.
try searching fb for TMZ
I’ve read that text only to find myself thinking that it was 1st of April yesterday 0_o
HAHAHA/ See what happens when I read an NCS article a few days too late?!
Id love to come up with some new skull art for you. i’ll make something and share it and if you like it its yours.