Apr 242013

I’ve seen the Woolite commercial that Rob Zombie made because Phro linked to it in an NCS comment once upon a time, but I’ve never seen a Rob Zombie movie. This is because (a) I don’t particularly enjoy horror movies (I scare easily), and (b) because I’ve never particularly enjoyed Rob Zombie’s music. I would add, (c), that I prefer not to spend money on bad movies, except I can’t say the movies are bad since I’ve never seen one. So, I will not be seeing his new movie, The Lords of Salem. However, I have now seen a music video that may be in the movie and is at least connected to it.

The video is for a song by a fictional black metal band named Leviathan The Fleeing Serpent, who apparently appear in the movie, as does the song, “Crushing the Ritual”. Rob Zombie and guitarist John 5 wrote and recorded the song, and I guess that’s Rob Zombie appearing as the corpse-painted frontman, who bears a passing resemblance to Gaahl in his Gorgoroth days.

I guess the song and the video are parodies — but I’m not 100% certain of that. On the one hand, Rob Zombie’s bug-eyed, campy facial expressions, the ridiculous headgear worn by his bandmates, and the selection of words flashing across the screen suggest this is satire. Also, the song has about two chords in it (plus non-stop blast-beats, of course). Continue reading »

Jul 172011

This is not an entirely hypothetical question. It could happen. Our brothers in blog at Heavy Blog Is Heavy are giving away two tickets to the Vancouver stop of the Hell On Earth Tour on August 3, plus a chance for a meet-and-greet session with tour headliners Rob Zombie and Slayer (Exodus is also on this tour, but to ask them questions, you’ll have to get up stage in the middle of their set and see if you can get their attention).

Those tickets and passes are the grand prize in a contest HBIH is currently running, with the second prize being two more tickets (but no meet-and-greet). To enter, you just have to answer this imminently practical question: If all hell were to break loose and zombies came out of the woodwork, how would you slay them?

I keep answers to questions like this on a little notepad in an emergency kit, which includes such other potentially useful items as a can of catfood, a block of C-4 explosive, two packs of Ding-Dongs, and a used-only-once band-aid. My notepad also includes words of greeting in seven known extraterrestrial languages. In other words, I’m fuckin’ ready for anything.

I know how to kill zombies, too. Kill ’em so they won’t be coming back — ever. Unfortunately, since I’m within the secret, monolithic brotherhood of blogdom with the HBIH people, I’m ineligible to enter this contest. Probably for the best; it wouldn’t be fair to everyone else. I also know what to ask Rob Zombie and Slayer, but if I told you, I’d have to kill you.

To get more details about the HBIH contest, go here. Contest ends on July 26.