I have never seen my abs. I will never see my abs. It’s just not in the cards, despite the fact that I’m pretty close to the weight I’m supposed to have for my height. Even when I was at my trimmest, most athletically fit, I couldn’t see them . . . and those days are far back in the rear-view mirror.
Angela Gossow, on the other hand, has abs. Having seen this photo taken at Arch Enemy’s Wages Of Sin Anniversary show in Tokyo on April 14, 2012, I don’t know why she ever wears shirts and tops that drop below her upper ribcage. Man, when you got it, flaunt it.
Look at her fucking arms, too! I know that with Arch Enemy as big as they are, she travels in better style than 99% of all metal bands, but still: Where does she find the time to work out this intensely, and how does she avoid all the alcohol and shit food that comes with touring? Oh, wait. I know. You don’t have to fucking tell me. It’s called self-discipline. A concept I’ve read about, but one that’s totally academic to me.
I’m sorry, but as awe-inspiring as Angela looks in this photo, it fucking depresses me on another level. By coincidence, about 5 minutes after I saw this photo, I heard a song that kind of sums things up. It’s called “Visions Of A Shit Life”, which is kinda what I see when I catch myself naked in a mirror. It’s by a Denver grindcore band called Death of Self (yeah, that’s a fucken appropriate name, too), which features the vocalist/guitarist (Ethan) from Clinging To the Trees Of A Forest Fire. It has the benefit of being a goddamned kickass song, too.
Actually, the album as a whole — Mental Disintegration — is damned strong. Death of Self have another, previous release called No Relief. Both albums are streaming on Bandcamp here. Death of Self have an online store here, and a Facebook page at this location.
Listen to Death of Self while I continue searching the dough around my waist for evidence of an ab. (If anyone knows, how do you get to see an ab? I do some sit-ups once a week, except when I don’t feel like it, but that’s apparently not enough.)