SNØKÅATHLAAN

 Mosh Pit  No Responses »
Feb 132010
 

Are you planning to watch any of the Winter Olympics on TV? If you are, do you plan to mute your TV and listen to extreme metal instead of those annoying TV commentators? What do you think would be the most appropriate metal accompaniment for Winter Olympic events? Yeah, we thought the same thing: Viking metal.

But are any of the Winter Olympic events really metal? Biathlon comes close. People ski really fast cross-country and periodically have to stop and blast away with rifles at tiny little targets. Skeleton also comes close — you lie on your stomach atop a small, rickety-looking contraption and race face-first down a course at about 100 miles an hour.

But none of the official events is as metal as the one invented by The Onion: Snøkåathlaan

In typical fashion, The Onion provides all sorts of history and detail about Snøkåathlaan, including trail maps like the one above and the one we’ll show you after the jump, plus features on some “Snøkåathlletes To Watch.”  For example:

SNØRRI SNØRRISSON (SWEDEN): This intimidating competitor is unparalleled on the steeper slopes, is the best axman in the event, once fashioned a sled from the rib cage of his extra dog and, according to Norse naming conventions, is his own father

PYOTR “THE CANNIBAL” GLADKOVSKY (RUSSIA): One of the last Cold War-era Olympians and a true survivor, Gladkovsky’s only weakness is a tendency to gain weight proportional to the number of men who go missing in a given race

The description of what the sport actually consists of is a bit vague, but here’s what we’ve pieced together so far (after the jump . . .) Continue reading »

“HIDEOUS GNOSIS” — THE BOOK

 Metal News  2 Responses »
Feb 122010
 

Last December we wrote a post called Black Metal Navel-Gazing, which was some generally disrespectful commentary about a six-hour symposium on black metal held earlier that month at a bar and nigthtclub in Brooklyn. The symposium, called “Hideous Gnosis,” was attended by an odd combination of academics (including two who traveled from England for the event), music critics, and at least one actual black metal musician, Hunter Hunt-Hendrix, the frontman and guitarist from Liturgy.

In response to our sarcastic rant, we got some thoughtful, temperate comments (and some info from the symposium organizers), which prompted us to generate some somewhat less sarcastic follow-up posts here and here.

Having had some fun at the expense of “Hideous Gnosis,” it’s only fair that we do ’em a solid by informing you that the symposium’s contents and related documents (including photos) have now been published in hard-copy form. For details and info about how to buy the book, go here.

But don’t expect to see a book review here at NCS. Our brains are too small to understand this stuff. We’re more suited to listening to black metal than reading about its theoretical underpinnings and implications. In fact, we think we’ll listen to Valkyrja right now.  Join in if the spirit moves you:

Valkyrja: Catharsis (Contaminate the Earth)

“THAT’S METAL” — BUT IT’S NOT MUSIC (No. 4)

 That's Metal -- But It's Not Music  No Responses »
Feb 122010
 

The week is almost over, and it’s been a good one for us.  We discovered Shining and Thrudvangar — and we also came across some random, eye-catching visual stuff that gives us an excuse for another installment of our irregular feature called “That’s Metal” — But It’s Not Music.

That visual stuff (photos and videos) happened to fall more or less neatly into the theme of “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles” — and each item struck us as being pretty fucking metal, even though it’s not music.  So, what the hell, we thought we’d share.

First up: Automobiles. Or more accurately roads where you can drive automobiles. This example came our way via the blog of Steff Metal, our favorite metal maven from the Antipodes. Her “Linking Horn” feature consistently turns us on to interesting shit we’d never otherwise see.

Case in point: The 19 Most Complex and Dangerous Roads in the World. Follow that link and you’ll see photos of some breathtaking roadways, like the one above — the Stelvio Pass Road in the Eastern Alps of Italy. It’s got 48 hairpin turns at an altitude of 1.7 miles above sea level. Or check out the next photo (after the jump . . .) Continue reading »

DARK TRANQUILLITY UPDATE

 Metal News  No Responses »
Feb 112010
 

Yesterday, those groundbreaking Swedish melodic death metallers Dark Tranquillity released a video of “Shadow In Our Blood,” one of the songs from the band’s forthcoming ninth album, We Are the Void. Your NCS Co-Authors are a little biased when it comes to Dark Tranquillity: Our presumption is they can do no wrong. So, with the warning that we’ve pretty much lost our objectivity, we gotta say this is a fucking good tune.

The video ain’t bad either (except for the fact that vocalist Mikael Stanne comes off way too much like one of the dozens of crazy homeless people we encounter on a weekly basis walking the streets of downtown Seattle). Here’s his own take on the video:

“If you guys are into torture, you might get a kick out of [our new video]. Imagine being strapped to a speeding motorized vehicle like one of those wooden maidens on pirate ships for 15 hours in the freezing cold forests of Finland and you might get an idea of what the video is all about.”

We Are the Void is due for a North American release on March 9. Dark Tranquillity is currently touring the U.S. with the-now-Howard-Jones-less Killswitch Engage and The Devil Wears Prada. We’ll be there when they hit Seattle on March 10.

THRUDVANGAR

 Album Reviews  No Responses »
Feb 112010
 

For those of you who’ve been hoping for a concept album based on the life of Eric the Red, the long wait is over: Thrudvangar has just released their fourth album, Durch Blut und Eis (Through Blood and Ice). Even if you haven’t been waiting for an Eric-the-Red concept album, Durch Blut und Eis is definitely worth checking out anyway.

This seems to be our week for discovering awesome bands that have been around for a while but somehow eluded our notice. Yesterday it was Shining, today it’s Thrudvangar.  This band from the former East Germany takes its name from the mythical home of the Norse thunder god Thor, and as you might expect, they play Viking metal — but a heavily blackened form of the genre. In fact, it might be more accurately descriptive to say it’s Viking-ed black metal.

But before we get to the awesomeness of the music, it’s only fair to say a word about Eric the Red. As Viking explorers go, his story is a good one. (more after the jump, including a song to stream . . . .) Continue reading »

SHINING

 Album Reviews  No Responses »
Feb 102010
 

These avant-garde Norwegian metallers have just released their fifth album, Blackjazz. How did we not know about Shining before now?

Blackjazz is wild in every sense of the word – feral, uninhibited, unpredictable, deranged, vicious. Ah, hell, wild is too tame an adjective — it’s just bug-eyed, batshit crazy. Not headbanging music. Not music you can have on background as you do something else. If you’re going to listen, that’s what you’ve got to do — listen with single-minded focus.

If you want to find out where extreme metal is being pushed into new frontiers, visit Blackjazz. Our prediction: you will either love it, or it will make you want to hurl your music player against the wall and run screaming into the street. Or all of the above.

Blackjazz erupts from the starting gate with “The Madness and the Damage Done” – shrieking howls, crazy riffs swarming like a hive of giant bees, complicated math-metal rhythms pounded out by the bass and drums, industrial sledgehammer keyboards, and the cacophony building in intensity until you think the whole enterprise is going to fly apart at the seams.

And that’s just for starters. (read more after the jump, plus a few tracks available for screaming streaming . . .) Continue reading »

PHARMACEUTICAL METAL

 Band Name Fodder  2 Responses »
Feb 092010
 



It’s time for another installment of Band Name Fodder!

I don’t watch much TV, but when I do I can’t escape those fucking direct-to-consumer drug commercials.

I really don’t get it. Big pharmaceutical companies are spending more than $4 billion annually promoting products to people who can’t buy them. You need a fucking prescription to buy this shit! And who writes prescriptions? Doctors do! And surely doctors don’t decide what to prescribe based on TV ads. Do they? Please tell me they don’t!

So the theory is that advertising will cause people who have medical problems (or think they do) to ask their doctors for the drugs they see advertised on TV, and that will cause doctors to prescribe more of the advertised drugs. It must work, because if it didn’t, Big Pharma wouldn’t continue spending so much fucking money on those ass-sucking ads. And that’s pretty scary.

What’s particularly insane is that the advertising has been successful despite the fact that the ads spend more time warning you about all the disgusting side effects of the products than they do explaining the supposed benefits. Shit, even if I were tempted to believe the puffery that the drug companies spout about their wares, I wouldn’t touch ’em with a ten-foot pole after hearing the litany of warnings — but that obviously isn’t holding most people back.

The whole phenomenon just seems twisted and grotesque. But I’ve thought of one way to entertain myself when I’m stuck watching one of those ads: I imagine the drug names are the names of extreme metal bands, and I think about what kind of music they play — and what kind of side-effect warnings would appear on the CDs. Here are a few examples (after the jump . . .): Continue reading »

“TYRANTS OF EVIL TOUR” EVILLY TYRANNIZES SEATTLE

 Concert Reviews  No Responses »
Feb 082010
 

Arch Enemy comes to town and your NCS Authors turn into moths drawn to a candle flame.

On February 6, 2010, the TYRANTS OF EVIL tour stopped at The Showbox in Seattle and two of us plus our entourage were there to take in the tyranny of evility. We file this report (along with a big batch of our regrettably amateurish photo images at the end of the post).

MUTINY WITHIN

This band first drew our attention through a YouTube video of their transplant-from-England vocalist Chris Clancy singing an operatic aria called “Nessum Dorma.” So, okay, the dude’s got some pipes. But does he belong in a metal band, and is the band itself worth a damn? Someone thinks so, because they’re signed to Roadrunner Records, they’ve got a debut album coming out on February 23, they’re touring with Arch Enemy, and they clearly had a bunch of appreciative fans in the Showbox audience.

But this is power metal, with mostly clean singing, and you know that’s not our thing (see the name of this site). Anything we might say would come off as a put-down, but that wouldn’t be our intent. We’re just not into this kind of metal. So, we’ll pass on the review and move to the next band . . . . (after the jump) Continue reading »

WHO DAT GONNA BEAT DEM SAINTS? NOBODY!!

 Mosh Pit  No Responses »
Feb 072010
 

No, you didn’t come to the wrong site by mistake. This isn’t a sports blog, no way no how. But we gotta make one tiny exception today, not just because today is Super Bowl Sunday — because that alone wouldn’t be enough to cause a departure from our usual subject matter — but because it’s Super Bowl Sunday AND THE NEW ORLEANS SAINTS ARE PLAYING!

Why do we care? Has a little something to do with a few generations on my father’s side of the family coming from Southern Louisiana, a little something to do with New Orleans being an awesome town that has weathered one shitstorm of bad luck after another, a little something  to do with the town and the people who live there being about as far outside the mainstream as extreme metal, and a little something to do with our instinctive affinity for the underdog in just about any circumstance.

Besides, if the Saints lose there will still be a bigger party in NOLA than there will be in Indianapolis if the Colts win.

So, we gotta show the Saints some love today, and in honor of the occasion, who better to bring you some parting thoughts before gametime than Ben Falgoust and Sammy Duet from Goatwhore — one of the best extreme metal bands in creation (and certainly the best from New Orleans).

So watch it.  It will bring a big smile to your face, and you’ll also see where the title to this post came from.


Goatwhore’s Pre-Super Bowl thoughts

Metal Blade Records | MySpace Music Videos

 Older Entries  Newer Entries