For eons, humankind has had a fatal attraction to the sea. The oceans are vast, uncontrollable, and unforgiving. They have snuffed out countless thousands of human lives over the centuries as we would swat pesky flies into oblivion without the slightest thought. And yet, people continue to throw themselves out upon the waters, because the oceans beckon with inexplicable but irresistible power. Perhaps it’s because all life originated in the seas and, at some mitochondrial level, human beings still feel a magnetic pull toward the ancestral home of our single-celled forebearers.
What else can explain why people would shamble forth in single files to board giant floating hotels called cruise ships, to live cheek-by-jowl with complete strangers for some assigned period of time on a watery world that permits no escape?
Granted, the advancement of technology has greatly reduced the risk of ocean-bound catastrophe. People who long for the sea no longer must risk life and limb on board vessels made of little more than oak and tar. Instead, they cross the ocean depths on massive structures of steel guided by precision electronics and powered by engines the size of houses. And yet, and yet, the oceans are still the great leviathans of our planet, and in their realm, we are still as insignificant as insects.
Which brings us, with evil glee, to our latest update about THE 70,000 TONS OF METAL cruise. Since February, we’ve been having fun monitoring the developments of this extravaganza and imagining all that could go wrong. But more than a month has passed since our last update, and with recent announcements from the promoters, it seems like an appropriate time to revisit the subject.
The original goal of the organizers was to set sail in January 2011 on a Caribbean cruise of five days and four nights with a cargo of 40 metal bands and 2,000 metalhead fans. And son of a bitch, they’ve now actually signed 30 of the 40 bands they’re targeting. That’s 8 more bands than the last time we checked. This thing has more than passed the critical mass necessary to make it a reality. There has been nothing like it in the history of metal — and there may be nothing like it ever again. (more after the jump, including the current line-up of bands . . .) Continue reading »