
(Our guest contributor Trollfiend proves that it’s possible to write a review of Absu’s new album despite self-inflicted traumatic brain injuries.)
(This is a transcription of a recorded conversation taken pre-review at the Gateway Psychiatric Hospital of one ‘Mr. G—-‘, who at the time of this report is in a fully vegetative state after suffering self-inflicted traumatic brain injuries and who is currently only capable of salivating profusely and muttering occult gibberish. While two speakers are listed here in the transcript, analysis of the recording by audio experts proves conclusively that both ‘voices’ belong to ‘Mr. G—–‘. Given the nature of the ‘responses’, we have dubbed the ‘second speaker’ accordingly.)
Subconscious: I bet you can’t do a review of the entire new Absu album without using the words ‘black’ or ‘metal’.
Me: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Subconscious: It’s so black. It’s like darkness raped midnight and this is the ebon spawn that they painted black and buried in the bottom of a disused well shaft in a cave. Continue reading »









